Should I change my last name? My husband wants me to.?

Question

I am established in my career.. or atleast that's the reason I give my husband for not wanting to change my last name. I love my husband dearly, but I've had my name all my life and don't wanna give it up. He's not happy about that.
My question is: Will keeping my maiden name create problems later?? with children?

Answer 1

I have a girlfriend who uses her maiden name professionally, and hasn't legally changed it. She uses her married name in social situations and when dealing with anything to do with the kids.

If he doesn't like you having a different name, he can change his to yours. Or you can hyphenate your names.

He needs to grow up and get over it. The times they have CHANGED.

Answer 2

Whatever you do, just be sure you discuss it openly and honestly with your husband. Don't make up excuses about your proffessional life, it will come back to bite you later. (What if your husband suggests that you keep your name proffessionally but use his personally? Then you'll have to admit your true feelings and you'll have 2 issues... the name change and not having been honest in the first place.)
It can be a bit traumatic to lose your name... I chose to change mine when I got married, but it was definitely a little weird. But, what I realized was that my name has very little to do with who I am. And, although I consider myself a "modern woman," there was something very nice about going with tradition and "taking my husbands name."
On the other hand, I wanted to continue to honor MY family as well, so I chose to take my maiden name as a second middle name. For example

Jane Ann Smith marries John Allen Jones
She becomes Jane Ann Smith Jones.

Then, the Smith is still in there, but legally your last names are the same and you don't have to deal with hyphenating or arguing about what the kids names will be.

But, its all about what you and your husband want. Rather than worrying about whether or not the name will cause problems in the future, I would focus on how you deal with this issue. You will deal with many more important and life changing discussions throughout your marriage. Practice now about being open and kind and considerate. And remember that not being honest can create resentment later, so get what's on your mind off of it. There's give and take in every relationship. Pick your battles and decide what's really important. Hopefully, your husband will do the same and be understanding of your concerns.

Answer 3

This is a matter of your own personal choice. In my first marriage I hyphenated my name, although in my personal life I used his name as well. I never actually related to my husband's name though - it was sort of dull, while mine is Italian and has a nice ring to it , especially when I used my nick name with it. When I used my nickname with his last name it didn't flow. At work I hyphenated my name or used my maiden name. It was sometimes confusing: I got mail with my maiden name, the hyphenated version of my name, and my ex husband's name! So, when I remarried I kept my name, while my new husband adopted MY last name as his (odd but true).

To avoid rocking your husband's very traditional (which is fine and is his choice) boat, you could either take his last name for your personal life, or hyphenate it. Professionally, however, I think you should still keep your name since your career was established with it. He needs to understand that because it does make sense.

As for kids, they could use the hyphenated versions of your names. My niece's kids do this.

Answer 4

I do have a "couple" friends whereby the wife was professionally established. Both are doctors. So they did agree for her to keep her professional name professionally. But once outside the jobs, she uses the husband's name. It is funny that when we visit her at her job i call her by her maiden name, but as soon as we walk out the door we call her by her husband's last name. We get a kick out of that.

Answer 5

I dont see a problem with you keeping your maiden name.
You can always hyphenate your names or simply keep your last name for professional reasons but refer to yourself as Mrs. **** when out in social situations with your hubby.
I totally understand. I want my man to take my last name because I am so established... but he isnt keen on it.

Answer 6

if your husband feels so strongly about you changing your last name then it will cause problems, and when you do have children who's name will the kids take on, you are going to want to have the same last name as your children, but your husband is going to insist that the children have his last name. I would keep your last name and add your husbands last name onto yours.

Answer 7

I have a step-daughter who has become a professional (a doctor). She was married last year and kept her maiden name. When her and her husband sign something together, then it's written as Mr. & Mrs. (his last name). The children will have HIS last name.

Answer 8

Just go with tradition....Change your stupid name and make everyone happy...By not changing it you are telling your new husband that you are really not that committed to him...As far as the kids go, it is way too stupid to have a hyphened name for them.....Play nice and give in, you will be much happier in the long run..

Answer 9

No, you can give your children your husband's last name when you have them.

Another alternative is to keep your maiden name and add or hyphenate his.

Answer 10

You could always just add his name on to yours. Like say your name is now JANE SMITH and his is JOHN DOE , your new name would be JANE SMITH-DOE it is a commen practice now a days among many married couples. If i get married I believe I will take my husbands name though because to me it makes us one a bigger stronger unit