people say japanese are polite.-- are they really???

Question

some people say, the japanese people are polite, well-mannered, tend to be silent etc. But others say they are often nonexpressive (make you feel nothing bad), insincere (theyr word is different from their heart), dont look straight, very stubborn in their mind, and if you are a foreigner, although you wont feel, they can never accept you from the heart. In all they will show very good behavious outwardly but in their heart it is very different. Anyone have any experience or knowledge about it. If the heart and word are different its very dangerous -- specially for foreigners who mightnot understand their language... any impression.. opinion

Answer 1

HELL YA!!

Answer 2

♡I'm an American and I've lived in Japan for about 9 years so the best I can do is give you MY observations and experiences since living here. ＊In my opinion MOST Japanese are VERY polite. No one has ever been rude to me in my time here. On the contrary, people have gone out of their way to help me. They are indeed well mannered and some are quiet and some are more expressive, it depends on their character, same as people from any place in the world. I think Japanese are often misunderstood! Japanese customs tend to be much different from that of other countries. Of course there will be noticeable differences to 'foreigners'. I don't think anyone has ever been insincere to me. I have always had honest, sincere replies and actions from people here. As for "and if you are a foreigner, although you wont feel, they can never accept you from the heart.", I think this statement is far from true. I say this because my husband is Japanese and I am American and HE and HIS WHOLE big family have all accepted me from the heart. I am always included in EVERY family decision, asked about all family matters, invited to all family functions. It's hard to explain, but YOU can know if people, Japanese OR OTHER, accept you from the heart or not. Everything you have written here about Japanese can apply to people from any place. Think about it. =^.^= I would suggest you please come here to Japan and visit when you can! Then you'll have your own experience to base your answers on. But I must say, I think you'll agree with me.(^_-)-☆ Hope this helps you.♡
BTW, not only my hubby and his family, but my neighbors, friends, coworkers, community seem to have accepted me from the heart. I have never felt otherwise or it would have been impossible for me to have lived here this long.(*^o^*)

Answer 3

hahaha your questiong is pretty amusing!
As you can't regard all the English as noble, you can't look upon the Japanese as insincere, wicked and stubborn and stuff like that. At least it is true that Japanese people tend to be silent, or they like peace. Because you are a foreigner, it may be natural for you to feel that way. But if you hope that Japanese people should behave as you do, it's ethnicentral!
Seeing foreign people in films, news and somewhere, I agree with the fact that Japanese people are well-mannered, polite and clean.
Every person has his/her virtue and weak-point, so don't try to find fault with Japanese weak points. Try to accept different things is all.

Answer 4

Your question is very interesting because it delves into the very nature of humans. Is it possible for us to accept someone outwardly and not inwardly? I think it is, but not for very long. True inward emotions always find a way out after a while. I just had a four day stay with a Japanese family. They treated me so well, it was like a dream. But your question has made me think whether or not it was genuine or not. Were they really showing their respect toward me outwardly, and truly didn't even like the experience.

I think everything about the experience says otherwise. I was considering everything that they did for me. First off, they bought everything for me. I must have spent over $150 in four days, and each time I insisted that I pay, but so did they. I was ecstatic. I thought maybe somehow they had to, like it was customary. But it wasn't-I found out after the trip that other who had the same homestays did not all get their things paid for. But I did find out that someone stayed with a monk. Get this-the monk built an addition to his house-a new bedroom-just for this foreign student that stayed with him. I have had people choke when telling them that. They don't owe us anything, but they spent it anyway.

Okay, so maybe money isn't such a big deal. That could still show an outward emotion, and not inward. Or does it? They could be completely selfish, or completely giving, and my experience was that they are completely giving.

And let's face it. Opening your home for four days to a complete stranger means something. If they didn't have it in their heart to host me, they wouldn't have. But the thing was that I wasn't a stranger. I hosted one of their kids, and now they hosted me. I bought nothing for the boy I hosted while he was here. Looking back, I wish I had. I feel so rude now.

You see that they couldn't be polite only on the outside. Nobody is forcing them to host me. I think that shows a lot of character on their part, and a lot of respect. They showed me around Gifu, and even took me to the boy's English teacher's house. If the English teacher didn't care inwardly, he wouldn't even bother to ask. The same goes with their Grandma, who invited me over. And I thought that some seniors still weren't over the whole Pearl Harbor thing. There's a lot of heart from that lady to invite me into her home.

You are correct that if the heart and word are different, it's very dangerous. I don't think they owe it to us to accept us the way they accept their own kind, but when you find the people who will care about you even though you are a foreigner, you've really found someone special. And guess what? That's literally 99% of all Japanese people. I only met one person there who treated us outwardly okay, but was very rude. We picked up on it. And of course you're always going to find someone who's bad. But when you find 99 others who are so nice to you, you're going to feel really good. I can easily say that the Japanese are very friendly to foreigners, and that it is genuine.

Answer 5

we do say Japanese ppl are polite based on our experiences traveling and visiting other countries... as it's part of impression.
as foreigners we say they are polite because they have been taught diferently showing politeness in every situation... as for business,family,friendship etc.. you don:t need to expect that everything as part of politeness is taken from the heart..it is a kind of respect..nothing personal...young and old do the same. if you mean deeper relation, it would take more time and trust to let them accept you.
..in western side we have this very friendly gesture that we also think people like us by smiling back and saying sweet names, it is like the same.as Japanese don`t really smile back but give gestures and words to let you know they have respect on you,
yes, the heart and words are different and dangerous when you misunderstood what it means..for when I am in western part, they smile and say sweet names and open..but it depends on how you understood the way they show it not because they would take you from the heart mostly if you are a foregner, I would not say that because they are open and smiles at me most of the time means that they accept me.. it is what I did for them that would earn their trust before they could really accept me personally.
when I was in US. there were 2 Japanese couples in the hotel that I stayed.. I noticed that they do not even say HI or talked to each other. we did shop and ate at the same time on the same spot many times .but when two foreigners with same nationalities meet in Japan they surely say Hi and so on... it isn't because we are foreigners that they do not accept us...it's what we also show them to accept us. than just pretending they really like us no matter where we came from or what we do.

Answer 6

One thing that people have not mentioned here but I think gets at the core of your question in the Japanese notion of "hon-ne" and "tate-mae" - loosely translated meaning "what people really think" and "artifice."

When people say "tate-mae" or "artifice" it should not necessarily be construed as fake or artificial. Rather it is considered impolite (imposing on others) to sometimes to say what you really mean. In other words, why create friction if that friction might not be necessary.

Without getting too philosophical, this probably also has a lot to do with the Japanese not having a moral judgement system similar to that of other major religions - in other words, a great deal is left to "relative" and not "absolute" truths.

But just an opinion...

Answer 7

I've been living and working in Japan for over 2 years and I've had no problems here. They've always been kind to me. When I first moved here, I knew no Japanese at all. None. They were kind to me and tried to find someone who could speak English. They're very helpful and even have gone the extra mile to make sure I know what I am doing. It is easier now that I am conversational in Japanese, but it has been a very plea sent lifestyle here. The Japanese are polite, friendly and courteous.

Answer 8

Well, I'd say all nationalities feel that they are better than foreigners and don't really accept them in their hearts. So, if the japanese are polite enough not to act upon it--that's good! I've seen other people being so rude and obnoxious to foreigners, I think it's better to stay silent and pretend to like them.

Answer 9

I don't think your nation and people also accept whole foreigner from the heart. You have your own life and custom. Language, too.
I respect them.

Even in US. Most residence and races accept immigrants who are different race from their heart? How about their religion? custom?

They often say "call you!" "see you soon!". I guess there are no call soon and no next appointment usually.

"Polite" and "to accept" are different thing.
Why foreigner expect Japanese to accept everything? Do you expect same thing to US ?

Answer 10

Yes, they ARE polite generally. And they aren't at all bothered by people who don't speak Japanese - (they'll probably want to practise their English on you...!)

They just have a different definitions of what's 'polite' than some people!

For example, for me, being polite to someone who comes to my house involves making them feel at home, being as friendly as possible, and not expecting anyone to 'stand on ceremony' as it were. But when I go to a Japanese person's home, they want to treat me as though I'm superior to them - and it's a constant battle of trying to prove yourself to be inferior to them...! Respect of the other person is the ultimate in politeness.

Japanese. I apologise for my humble home, but please feel welcome.
Foreigner. Your home is lovely, and so well appointed! Please accept this useless and inexpensive present ...
J. Thank-you. You are very kind. Please, accept this inferior tea and these appalling daifuku that we have prepared for you ...
F. Oh thank-you! I love daifuku - these are SO delicious! And the tea is very nice too, much better than the one we have, where do you buy it? I must get some!

.... and so on! It's a constant stream of 'you are superior to me and I respect you.' But it's harmless! It's no different than standing next to someone on a train and starting a conversation about the weather...! It's all about respect, it's just different from the Western version of respect.

In Japanese there are even two different words for your own parents, you would normally call your mother 'okaasan' and your father 'otousan', but when you're talking about them to non-family members you use 'haha' and 'chichi' to imply that your family is less important than the other person's...

Answer 11

Some are.. Some are not..
They tend to hide their feelings cuz we are foreigner..
I think we also do like that in front of foreigner...
The Japanese think that we can not understand their language
and they have limit to express their feelings in English..
I guess that's why..
Sometimes I am speaking Japanese in front of Japanese but they answer back in English!! (I felt that I am numb among us,,,)
As you said most of them do not accept us..just because we are foreigner...