Should I approach this married man that chats with my wife?

Question

They email each other at least once a day and sometimes three to four times a day. My wife says she is not falling in Love but His wife does not know they chat and that they have met in person 5 times while we both are at work. My wife tells me when they have met because he came to my house but him not telling his wife makes me feel like he is up to no good besides the fact that he has yet to come around when I am home. Makes me feel like he is a weasel. I will be honest and say that there are issues in my marriage from the past (like 9 years ago) that have not been dealt with properly. We have been Married for 7 years and I Love my wife very much. Just don't know how to handle this situation without coming out the loser.

My wife is being honest about it with me though.

I have expressed how this hurts me and it still continues. like she is choosing him over me.

They do Flirt and had sexual talk but I know on my wifes part it was mainly to get at me for assuming that sexual talk already existed.

Answer 1

God. Show some jealosy. They ARE falling in love, and definitely will do if you continue in this lackadaisical manner.. Tell him to lay off.

Answer 2

As a woman, wife and mother, I consider this behaviour to be a type of extra-marital affair, both on his part, and on your wife's part, especially since his wife doesn't know. Any time a third person is allowed to take the place of the spouse to fulfill some role that is traditionally the spouse's role, whether it's emotional or otherwise, is adultry.

Nothing against your wife at all, but she doesn't seem to grasp the fact that this really bothers you. She may be too nieve to recognize where things like this lead. Even if she has no intention, he clearly does, or his wife would know about the relationship.

I would approach this guy in a nonconfrontational way and tell him that you want to meet his wife. He may not know that your wife tells you everything, and so you can phrase it, "Hey, the three of us are friends, what about your wife? Why don't the four of us meet up for dinner so we can all get to know each other."

If he's not going for it, there's a reason. You can then say, You know, I just don't feel comfortable with your wife being in the dark; it's not right, and eventually she'll think there's something going on and you'll be in trouble over it, so if your wife just doesn't want to be involved, my wife and I will say, "Nice knowing you," and be on our way, because we don't want to be the catalyst to a potentially huge marital problem.

If the guy says, "What, are you jealous?" Tell him flatly, Yes, I am.

If your wife balks and tells you you're being a control freak or something like that, tell her plainly:

"It is MY responsibility to safeguard and protect our marriage from divorce. I see something that could potentially lead to problems down the road, and it is MY job to put a stop to it BEFORE it spirals out of control,"

"It's not a matter of not trusting you, it is a matter of not trusting him. The very fact that his wife doesn't know about your relatonship with him tells me that he's got something up his sleeve. He may have no ill intentions with you at all, but the fact that he's keeping this secret from his wife means that she will eventually find out. Do you really want to be the reason for someone else's divorce, especially when you haven't done anything wrong?"

If you have to in order to make your point, bring up the issue that wasn't dealt with properly years ago (I'm assuming it was a pre-martial affair) and deal with it now.

Don't deal with this stuff in front of your children, if you have children; they don't need to know things like this. Ever.

Good luck.

Answer 3

Well, you can't really judge a book by it's cover if you know what I mean. Have you even met the guy? He just sounds like he is a friend of your wife, and you shouldn't approach him in a dominate sort of way. On the other hand I would keep an eye on him because that is your wife for God sakes! You love her, and that's the one you married and not him. I would just sit down with your wife and talk about this "guy." Don't make an argument about it just casually have a nice talk. Like at dinner time, or some other meal. Don't be snippy just be calm, relaxed, and casual. Ask her the things you want to know. Do not go through little things then ask her about that.

Answer 4

DoNOT allow him to come to your house ever again. Tell your wife if he does, you will call the authorities.

Now, you're wife is on VERY dangerous ground.
How does she know this man, what kind of person he is or his motives. She may be in physical danger, for all you know. How does she know if he really is married, or anything else he's told her is true???? Preditors on the Net abound! She's behaving immaturely.

As far as with her relationship with you, this is dangerous. also. EVERYTHING between a man & a woman is sexual. We just set boundries early on for our behavior. Though she thinks this is innocent it isn't. She is allowing another man to come between the two of you. That should tell YOU something.

Why do you feel like a weasle? You are a man & know how men think & operate. If you have suspicions (& are not suspious by nature) than you're probably right. Tell your wife how you feel. Even if it is innocent, she should respect you (& love you) enough to call this relationship quits. You can't force her though. You may have some serious decisions to make in the real near future.

If you need to talk about what happened before.....you know where to reach me.

Good luck to you, sir!

Answer 5

Your wife is being honest about meeting with him and such but is she being honest about what she is feeling. Could be she is communicating with this man and weighing her options before she takes that next step to infidelity. I can't say for sure.

But I am a woman who was recently having issues with her marriage. An old friend came into my life, we talked, met, hung out together some. I was weighing my options. In the end, I chose to stay with my husband and I never cheated on him, but I considered it.

The only difference I see is the man I was talking to was single, so no-one was lying to anyone. I didn't even lie to my husband about the way the man felt about me. This guy is lying to his wife. Not a good sign.

Have a sincere conversation with your wife. Tell her how you feel about her. Tell her this relationship bothers you. No use confronting the man. It is you and your wife who need to have a meeting of the hearts. He is just the symptom of a larger problem that needs to be worked out.

Answer 6

Yes, go talk with him but do so after you go talk to his wife and then the two of you go together. It's a dangerous situation and one that can become a full fledged affair by the sounds of things. I wouldn't trust your wife or this "friend" at all. Again, talk to his wife first and then gang up on them together in one unified voice. Maybe that will get your wife and her friend's attention. If they are talking by way of email, they are becoming closer emotionally and that is a type of abuse and also a type of adultery once you aren't there for your spouse 100%.

Answer 7

Your problem isn't this man, It's your wife. If it bothers you then it should have been ended as soon as you mentioned it. I am all for openminded marriage and I believe that jealousy can ruin a relationship, however, there is also a line you don't step over, you know, the respect one!!!! Sounds like she crossed it, man!!

If he is being dishonest to his wife, by keeping it from her then he knows it would not be okay with her, therefore his motives ARE something that you should be concerned with.

Answer 8

YOur wife is flirting and cheating in front of you. It's like you have to accept her infidelity. First of all get your wife to stop communications with this guy. If she doesn't want to stop, tell her you are divorcing her. However if you still want to keep her, the next step is to confront the man and warn him to stop or else you will tell his wife about it. If he ignores you and your wife reciprocates and continues what they are doing then IT IS TIME TO DIVORCE HER!!!!!!!!

Answer 9

Well you've got to put your foot down. Tell her you're uncomfortable with her talking with this guy and him coming over. If she doesn't agree and still insists then you guys should see a counselor there might be some embeded problems that needs to be worked out.

If it were me I'll open up a can of whoop @ss on that clown!

Answer 10

Approaching the guy is not the right thing. Your marriage is between you and your wife. Address any concerns with her.