My husband has a nervous habit.... it drive me crazy!How do I get him to stop???

Question

I love my husband alot and that's why I'm concerned. He's got a nervous habit where he twirls a little stick or a paper roll between his fingers.. all day!!! I know that there are bigger problems in the world and I'm grateful to have a great marriage. And, sure, it doesn't cause any serious harm... but it is such a nuisance! He used to do it only when he was stressed or working hard (he's a programmer) but now he does it all the time. I realize that the purpose of nervous habits is to reduce nervous tension (and perhaps provide some degree of self-stimulation, like nail biting, or when girls twirl their hair) ... but it looks horrible and it's very distracting!! He's a brilliant, young, wonderful person and having this stupid habit just doesn't suit him. HOW DO I GET HIM TO STOP?? I've asked him about it and his response is what a typical man would say... leave me alone. Or, it makes me feel good so none of your business.
HELP.

Answer 1

You should talk to him or his mom if needed about the issue. Tell him that you want him to try to stop it Make sure you say it nice and not try to pic a fight. good luck.

Answer 2

I agree with the advice to leave him with his nervous habit, but there's more to it than that. The person said it's driving her crazy. I'm thinking that if she had control over being driven crazy, she would have "let it go" a long time ago. The problem here is that it's triggering something in the wife. I can relate to that, because my hubby has some annoying, but totally innocuous habits, that have sometimes made me ballistic. It's my problem, but the question remains, how to solve it? It's an internal journey. I've been trying to come up with solutions for myself for twenty-two years. Any help from someone who knows cognitive therapy perhaps?

Answer 3

maybe consider another alternative method to help him relieve stress. if its really botherin you, and its a serious issue, maybe consider therapy or seekin professional advice in dealin with bad habits. but hey, everyone has a bad habit, im sure you have bad habits too. if it really annoys you, why dont you suggest for both of you to spend some romantic time together, suggest a holiday perhaps or dinner etc. maybe do something else while he works. if hes really stressed out, and by twirlin the stick or roll between his fingers helps him relax , then maybe leave him alone. everyone has a bad habit. not everything can be fixed to suit you. no one is perfect. focus on whats important, dont worry n stress n get annoyed by the lil tiny unimportant things.

Answer 4

My guy has nervous habits too. When it becomes an annoyance to me personally, then I try to get his mind on other things and his nervous habit goes away, even if just for a bit and that's a nice break to me. lol.

Answer 5

I don't get how twirling a stick or roll of paper between one's fingers can be 'horrible' and clearly it is more a problem for you than for him.
If you believe this to be stress related then why don't you do something about alleviating his stress? Instead of focussing on the symptom, solve the cause.
Failing that, get him to take up smoking - that's a lot less 'horrible' than what he's doing now and less harmful. Isn't it?

Answer 6

Let him do it. Be greatful that he's not handling stress in another way which might not just be a little annoying. All people have to handle stress some way.. and your husband seems to have a habit that doesn't hurt himself or others.. be thankful for that.

Answer 7

I normally side with the woman on these things, but I have to say this: If he is a good husband and he loves you and you have a strong marriage, then you really need to just let this go. It is not harmful or hurtful to you or himself or anyone else for that matter. Maybe you need to just let him have this and it will go away on it's own in time. The more you put pressure on, the worse you will make the problem.

Leave him alone and stop focusing on it and it will lessen on its own, you watch.

Answer 8

U've given so many positive reasons why ur husband twirls this little stick. Basically, it's to relieve stress.U've also trivialized ur complaint ("there are bigger complaints in the world"). Maybe ur complaining has given ur husband 1 more reason to hold on to that stick. Instead of complaining find something to distract u from ur husbands stick twirling because it's not that serious. The next time he starts twirling that stick pull out one of ur own and maybe the 2 0f u can get a great big laugh out of it.

Answer 9

Just give him a glass of water and a nice/easy backrub and make him feel your warm palm while touching him. And I suggest to tell him that stay away from the monitor or don't get near to it when typing or working(it might be the radiation of the monitor that stress him out). or give him a time to relax instead like jogging, exercising or even yoga. A 1day relaxation and/or a work/job leave means a lot.

Answer 10

The littlest Problems can drive you nuts. 1st thing is to tell him that drives you nuts. I have the same Drive me buts problem, my husband eats like a pig. so I leave the room every time he eats hes starting to get the hint. and I will tell him. Little problems like that break a marriage. I've also asked my husband is there anything about me that drives you nuts, then I will throw in what drives me nuts..

Answer 11

He may have anxiety issues, I would consider monitoring how often he does this, and at what periods of the day. My boyfriend does this same thing, I have noticed he does it to get his mind off what is really bothering him, so when I see it happening I usually try to open up conversation to see if it will ease any of his tension in a less annoying way! Good Luck!