iam i n a sexless relationship and my sex life is virtually nil?

Question

hey guys i have a problem with my life well first of all iam not having enough and second i have been told by my husband that iam not doing it properly and most of all my sex life is boring evrybody else is havin fun and iam not basically iam young female 28 years old witha young child of three.

Answer 1

if you want to save your relationship go to a RELATE counsellor. Sounds like you have both lost your way and that is very common.
You both need to re-learn how to communicate with each other. A councillor will help you re-ignite the passion at your own pace.
They will help you in ways that you can guess i.e how to make time to be intimate whilst being a mother too, tell you about the non-intercourse ways you can be intimate with each other, massage, use of toys and props, new positions, new situations, role playing, how to deal with differing libidos, as well as how to treat each other with respect and trust.
Sex is just one part of a healthy relationship.
I recommend this book: The seven principles of making marriage work by John M. Gottman. It is not specifically about sex but it sounds to me that you are unhappy with your marriage in general. It will help you get all aspects of your marriage back on track. Until you start treating each other right it is unlikely the sex will return so take a good honest look at all aspects of your marriage-it will be hard but well worth it. All the best.

Answer 2

Your husband sounds like a complete beast to tell you that you are not "up to it" in the bedroom. You must be doing something right if you have a 3 year old child. And he did marry you!!!!

It sounds like the no sex thing is a problem of your husbands and not yours. And if you are really both not satisfied, then talk about what each of you like and try and be a bit more open. Try to also think about when this started to happen, many men stop looking at their wives as an object of desire when they have children and more of a mother, so also make sure you are still taking time with your appearance, its amazing how many women let themselves go. Perhaps also try and make some time for you both as a couple and ask a friend or family member to babysit while you go off and have a dirty weekend.

Bottom line, you are still young and if you can't resolve things with your husband then leave. But try to get to the bottom of it first.

Answer 3

First of how does your husband expect you to do it properly if you are not getting any experience?
Making sex exciting comes down to both partners once you know what each other likes you can spice it up and the skies the limit.

You need to put your foot down,sex is a very big part of a relationship and especially if one partner feels they are not receiving it.

What is important is that you identify whether your husband does or does not like sex because if he doesn't then you have a whole lot of questions for yourself.You are young and should not be in a sexless relationship.

Answer 4

Have you asked him what made him become such an expert on sex as to tell you your not doing IT right, maybe he isn't loving enough or man enough to show you what you are supposed to be doing wrong and basically having a child with him seems to be a good enough reason to say you have done IT right once, if your bored then get some books and show HIM how its done, think you should both talk about it together and gets things sorted.

Answer 5

WHY DO YOU ASSUME ONLY GUYS WILL ANSWER THIS.
have you tried talking to one another, apart from the obvious, what specifically are you not doing right, you have produced a child, so one of did, you never spoke about love in your question, do you love your husband, does he love you, and contrary to some of the opinions love is not about how many times you had sex, do not confuse the two, trust me you can have sex anytime any place with any one at the drop of your hat if you really wish but making love to a person you love takes time and to feel loved by another human beats sex hands down, sex is the afterthought.

Answer 6

there is no real way od having sex the right way as everyone is different.it sounds to me like it may be the other way round the guy is just not doing anything for you and you are bored with looking at the ceiling while he empties him self.You may have to sit him down and suggest a few ways he could spark up the sexuak relationship and give him a few ideas on just why you are not happy.As a man i find that it is my responsability to keep the excitment in the sexual side of my relationship as ther are so many ways to please a woman.So don't think that you are the problem he just needs a push in the right direction.

Answer 7

your Husband sounds selfish! last i heard, it took 2 people to do 'it', so if he's says that you are not doing it right, then neither is he!!!!

Tell your H, that you need quality time for yourself AND as a couple. Invest in some good books (you can do that online, if your easily embarassed), and get experimenting. if he wants your performance to improve, then he is also going to have to examine his own performance. tell him what you would like him to do for you, and vice versa. bring some fun into it.

the main problem here though, is going to be your husbands attitude. he has to understand that, for women, foreplay starts outside of the bedroom, with good communication, lots of compliments and respect for the other person. it sounds like your Husband can't comprehend this.

whatever happens, DO NOT let your husband put you down! if he can't comprehend the basics of a LOVING relationship, then maybe he needs professional help. it sounds to me that your husband is the biggest obstacle in your relationship.

good luck

Answer 8

Life is not all sex to be particularly interesting. There must be some reason to it. Perhaps psychological. Maybe when your husband told you that you are not doing it properly created a reaction that shuts you up to his attempt for sex. You had been judged therefor that's it..you're a failure. Maybe he has comparisons. Why not ask him what he means and to teach you what he thinks would be an exciting one.

Answer 9

well with three young children you must be doing something right. Have you asked your husband what he likes in the the bedroom? or what you are doing wrong? try some toys, watch a porno with him. Maybe you need to light some candles, put something sexy on and let your imagination run wild. (first get a babysitter for a night)

Answer 10

You've got a child so must have done something right.
Seriously though, maybe the problem lies with him. Turn the tables on him and tell him he doesn't turn you on. He sounds as though he is trying to pin the blame on you. If you want to stay together, you need to talk about it without hurling insults at each other.