Calling all know-it-alls...?

Question

My husband and I are talking about getting a divorce. We have 3 young children ages 4, 3, and 2.. How do we explain to them that mom and dad will be living in different places from now on?

We've tried counseling and (obviously) that didnt work.. I changed some things about myself to accomodate him while he didnt feel the need to change to accomodate me... etc etc.. along with the constant arguing.. there's a song that goes 'when a woman's fed up, it aint nothin you can do about it. IT's like running out of love and it's too late to talk about it...'

Answer 1

Both of you should sit down with your kids. Simply tell them, tell them that Mom and Dad love them, but M&Dad need to live apart for a while.Tell them that M&D don't know why things have changed, but that M&D haven't been happy together. Even if your marriage dies, you CAN suceed as parents if you can work together to help your kids adjust, and accept the split. It won't end with this, it'll be an ongoing battle to reassure the kids. Good luck. But, I gotta say that IF you two can put your kids first, you can minimize the harm your breakup will cause. Of course, if you two both are able to focus on your kids, it suggests maturity, and should actually help increase the respect you had for each other, and perhaps make it possible to reconcile, and save your marriage. But, it is the kids that matter at this point.

Answer 2

Wow, thats tough. I would say just sit them down and tell them, even though they may be too young to understand. When they stop seeing mommy and daddy together the questions will come and become overwhelming, so be more prepared for that than this. Ensure them that despite the living arrangements so to speak, that neither one of you love them any less. I say dont change anything outside of the living arrangements but if you must- do it gradually. Take turns picking the kids from school; whomever is the absent parent make every effort to stay in contact with the kids, and the readily available parent dont make it hard on the parent thats not there to do the this. Lastly put aside any resentment you may have for each other on the backburner, and put those kids first. Be respectful to each at all times in front of your kids (though I probably dont have to tell you that)! Good Luck.

Answer 3

Some really good answers here.

Seriously, If you can talk about divorce and with all the energy that goes into a divorce why don't you two stop being selfish and talk about how you can make your marriage and family work and put your energy towards being a happy family. You and your husband were/are in love enough to have 3 children together and take marital vows so talk and find out what happened to your love.

Answer 4

That's a tough one. Maybe spring it on them a lil at a time. Are both of you moving or just one of you? It'd probably be best to let him move out and you stay put with the kids. That way they aren't completely up rooted and confused! My parents were married for almost 28 years when they divorced, I think that it would have been easier on me if they had got divorced whey I was young instead of 22. There's nothing worse than hearing... I only stayed married because I wanted to see that you were raised right and had what you needed... you can do that even if you are divorced!

Make sure that the kids know that the 2 of you love them and be sure to pay lots of attention to them!

I dont know your situation but maybe some time apart is what you guys need. You fell in love with him for some reason, maybe your relationship just needs to be rekindled!

Answer 5

I am really not a know it all - but please don't do it. try to work it out. I know so many couples with small children who have said looking back they wished they had not - it actually made things worse, not better.

I've been married 22 years. no year is perfect - maybe you're going thru a bump in the road. Remember your vows - work it out - the grass isn't (always) greener on the other side. What will you do - start dating again and remarry until you realize the next person isn't perfect either.??? Be the committed couple who honors their vows - please get help for your kids sake!

Answer 6

instead of talking about getting a divorce maybe you should talk about what can be done to stop the bullshit between the two of you! if you are sensible enough to be able to talk about this I dont see why you cant talk about the problem that is leading to the divorce? unless one of you was heartless enough to fall in love with someone else? or should I use the word selfish since you didn't think about the toddlers that will be effected the most by the breakup!

Answer 7

Sit them down and talk to them in an adult manner. Dont beat around the bush about it, tell them the truth. If they dont understand anything they will ask questions. This will be very upsetting for all of you but it is the best way. Explain to them how things will be changing in family life. And for Gods sake and the childrens sake please either of you do not ever put the other partner down in front of them.

Answer 8

i have had same problem like yours. talk to them one by one. tell them the problems you're having. and the reason why you guys can't live together anymore. and that things will get better if you would live at a different house. and assure them that they will not be neglected and will get the same love, maybe even more, as it was when you're still living together. kids are smarter these days. they will understand. just don't make it sound like it is a problem. a lot of couples get separated, and yet, kids are unbelievably happy. good luck.

Answer 9

"talking about a divorce"?? With 3 small ones-I would try to fix it, or else you will raise 3 that will see divorce as normal-further complicating this world. Why don't you try to make it work and be a solution instead a problem.

Answer 10

I think they are too young to know much yet, make sure that both of you stay in their lives and when they ask explain to them that mommy and daddy get along much better when they don't live together. they may be young but never talk down to them, but try not to get overly complicated either. When they have questions answer them honestly.