My wife & I are divorcing, can I sue the Ex and her attorney(step sister) for slander or defamation or ?

Question

They have dragged this on for a year and a half and just keep delaying and making wild accusations almost every single day, sleeping with the babysitter, punching the kids, threatening her all the while I was taking care of her because she had two seizures one day. I have the kids 100% she gets a 55/45 ruling even though she admittedly drinks heavy, pops pills, and was driving without a license, it goes on and on, a judge who doesnt care, a FCS counselor goes against: drinking, prescriptions drugs, seizures, panic attacks, with her refusing counseling, refusing to quit drinking and getting all the judgements for her while I take care of her and the kids. How can I stop this train wreck?

Answer 1

I don't evny your position. My husband's ex is of the same mold as yours. The legal battles were non-stop, exhausting, and blatantly unfounded.

As far as suing her for defamation ... does she have the resources to pay any judgement that you might win? If not, you'll lose money and time by pursuing the case. My husband & I considered this, but since the ex ingested (drink & drug) every spare nickel, we deemed it a waste of time.

Instead, you might want to focus on establishing her lack of credibility with the court, so that she is forced to cease her unfounded attacks against you.

My husband and I successfully did just that. It took time and calculation, but it can be done. If you're successful, the court will rule that by nature of previously unfounded, unanswered allegations, that she forfeits her future right to petition the court for redress, without first supplying substantial corroboration to any future claims.

Before I explain the process, I must first point out that since you have full custody, your future nightmare is hopefully, limited. If you had joint custody or if she maintained custodial custody then your state's Support Collection Division would/could become your worst enemy. Be thankful that you don't share joint custody!

The way for you to achieve a ruling of "Malicious Litigation" is by the following:

1. Obtain any police records of arrest or incarceration, and/or any records of medical/psychiatric intervention. You will not be privy to her medical/psychological notes, but any records you can access to prove that you or your insurance paid for alcohol/drug or psychiatric treatment. Or receipts for the purchase of booze/pills. This will go to establishing a record of use and abuse.

2. Using the documents obtained, petition the court for an "Order of Protection" outlining prohibited behaviors. For example: based on her history your wife should be prohibited from consuming alcohol or illicit drugs while in the presence of the children. Make sure that when you petition the court that you also request that the court order her from abusing the children, and/or allowing any future boyfriend/spouse from abusing the children. You will have to make a strong case that her addiction causes instability and that you fear for your children as a result. An "Order of Protection" will go a long way in helping you and your kids.

3. Get your documentation organized: Your employment history and evaluations, letters of recommendation from any charitable organizations that you donate time to, your Spiritual advisor, if possible your in-laws or any long time friends who can document her instability, and any doc's that will prove your involvement with your kid's education like evidence from the school's that you attend the teacher/parent meetings and not your wife etc... In essence, statements from respected citizens who will help to establish your credibility.

4. Let your attorney know that for any petition that she serves you with, you intend to counter with extensive "DEMAND FOR DISCOVERY". Discovery demands are your way of demanding review of all evidence she plans to submit to support her allegations. Be creative in establishing your demands for discovery. The goal is twofold: to demand what should be reasonably easy to provide, but which she cannot possibly provide, because the allegations are fabricated. And, to overwhelm her. This shouldn't be too difficult if she is an addict.

If she fails to respond to your Demand for Discovery, then her petition will be denied -- equating to a ruling in your favor. For us, it only took two such rulings to begin to sway the court to our side.

It may seem like a bit of dirty pool, but if you really want her off your back, you might also scheme to create an appointment that she would be hard-pressed to miss to occur concurrent with a court date. If she fails to show up for a hearing, as the petitioner she will face no penalty, but it will foster a permanent opinion in the court.

Ten years ago I never would have fathomed myself capable of the aforementioned dirty tricks. But, these types of prolonged character attacks, and legal battles are really draining. And, they will have a negative impact on your children, if unchecked.

My husband and I really tried to take the 'high road' in the first five years of our battles with the ex's insanity. When it became clear that the ex was the poster child for "Malicious Mom Syndrome" ( an authentic syndrome which is gaining recognition in the family courts), and it started to become apparent that the ex's antics were beginning to affect my step-daughter, we took the gloves off! It wasn't long after that when the shenanigan's ceased.

Remember to:
1. Document everything. Including creating a sign-in/sign-out log for your baby-sitter.
2. Never meet, or allow your ex entry into your home without a witness.
3. Research "Malicious Mom Syndrome" to familiarize yourself with the tactis.
4. Never bad-mouth your ex in front of your children, but do explain to them that their mother's irratic and angry behavior has nothing to do with them. Re-inforce that they do not need to succumb to angry rantings. Family counseling will help you all with this. Especially if you find a counselor who is familiar with "Malicious Mom Syndrome". And, conseling might keep your ex from successfully tainting your children's perspective of you and healthy family life.
5. Hook up with local outlets of Father's Rights Groups. They can be a great legal resource and morale support for you.
6. If possible, hook up a camera(s) in your house. This will allow you to refute any future allegations of sleeping with the babysitter, which depending on your sitter's age, could spare you legal battles regarding sexual contact with a minor. No one need know about the camera but you. And the camera record may never need to be reviewed, but it's presence may spare you great heartache down the road.
7. Familarize yourself with every nook and cranny of your Divorce Decree. It can be very useful.

If all else fails there is a definitive, albeit costly, remedy. Namely a "Request for a Psychological Evaluation". What this means is that all interested parties will have to succumb to a microscopic evaluation of parental fitness, including in-home evaluation, as performed by a certified Psychologist. In our case, when this option was demanded from the ex, she flatly refused -- she, or rather her drug-dealer boyfriend knew that they couldn't sustain their lifestyle of addictions and questionable behavior, if viewed under a microscope. Her refusal went a long way to sway the court.

Wishing you and your children the very best!

Added: F.Y.I. - Including the cost of the actual divorce, and subsequent response to petitions we spent about $16,000.00 over nine years. It would likely have been much more, but we did a lot of the research and leg-work ourselves. Our attorney appreciated this, and it saved us a great deal of money.

Since your divorce is not yet final, if you can establish her instability and submit to the court for review regarding custody, it may enable you to relocate as mentioned by another answerer. This will save you great heartache if you're job/life circumstances permit you to put some distance between you and she. If you're not able to 'get out of Dodge' then do your very best to substantiate the need for supervised visitation for her. This may save you the heartache of future subpoena's to the family court.

Oh, and one last tip ... make friends with your local sheriff's/police. They can be a truly great asset!

Answer 2

The problem with suing on the merit of slander or defamation is you typically have to prove the effect. You have to show how that has harmed you. Those kinds of cases can go either way, unfortunately, even if you have a lot of evidence that shows it.

You've been through a lot over a long period of time. It might be best to look forward to moving on and dropping the idea of spending more time in the courts. Personally I wouldn't want to lose more of my life to that.

Answer 3

I went through the same thing but, it lasted 8 years and cost me 50,000. The absolute best way is to totally ignore her and her actions, I would suggest moving as i did, i had to deal with vandalism and so on,so i moved. Do NOT fight her on anything,just give to her because the attorneys fees will eat you alive,your better off just let it go period. If you would like to talk you can email me at [e-mail],i feel for you man,it is awful

Answer 4

Divorce is the only solution to your problem because it will be all trouble maintaining the relationship for you. Sue her ex-wife and lawyer for slander and defamation. Collect all available evidence against them.

Answer 5

wow, what a winner. i hope the judge gives you everything.