My fiance of 8 yrs said nasty things to me the day before my wedding. I had to move in with his parents and him after the wedding as he didnt have a house yet. He said " When you come to my house, I will torture you! You are nothing but worthless, U are a swine. I will roam around with other girls and you cant do anything about it." I was freaked out and told my parents about it. They told me that the guy was worthless and disrespectful and that it was not right. Earlier in the relationship, he use to be nasty and say mean things to me when we faught blaming it on his hot temper. However, at that time i was independent and was working so i dealt with it. SInce, I moved to India from US to be with him and marry him, I stopped working on my own and was working in his company. I didnt think I could deal with it after marraige. On Confronting his parents they said that he was just stressed and that male ego is like that. I know he loved me. But do people say nasty things to ppl they love?
2006-08-04 22:47:08 · 46 answers · asked by LostHeart 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Go back home. Stay away from him. Why would you let someone treat you so poorly? It sounds like you lost yourself when you moved there. Guys like that never, ever change. Don't take any of his excuses. If you think he is bad now, let me tell you it will be so much worse after you marry him. And it will be a lot harder to get away from him. And trust me,,he doesn't love you. He is just using you, and he is probably already running around on you if he is treating you this way. Get out of there now, go back home, reconnect with your family and friends. His family will only take his side if you are married. And don't let him apologize and make you think he's changed. The only changes that guy will make is getting meaner once you are married. He thinks he owns you. Tell him to take a hike and stay away from him. There are nice guys out there, but you sure won't meet any while you are with that jerk. Good luck.
2006-08-04 23:00:22 · answer #1 · answered by Vicm0322 3 · 10⤊ 3⤋
If he treated you that way before marriage, it would get worse after marriage. Temper and male ego is no excuse for that behavior. His parents have been making excuses for him all his life and not making him pay for his actions. I would not be the least surprised if he started hitting you. At the least he would make you feel insignificant. YOU DID RIGHT BY CALLING OFF THIS WEDDING. Don't change your mind. Get a job somewhere else. Go back to the US if you need to get away from a machismo culture. Get away, and fast. Don't let him talk you back into the marriage. He told you what he would do. Remember you are worthless to him when he is not trying to be nice. That is what he really thinks. Run, get away from him. You did nothing wrong; you did something right. Run for your life. There are bigger fish in the pond. You will be much happier with a man who truly loves and respects you. I am sorry this happened to you. I know this hurts. You are vulnerable so be aware that he and his family will put enormous pressure on you to continue with the marriage. Don't do it. Whatever it takes, including leaving India, then do it to escape. Good luck.
2006-08-04 23:04:13 · answer #2 · answered by pshdsa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, u did nothing wrong. I'm so glad I found this question.
If he said that to u, he's not worth ur time and love. Respect should go both ways. He did this earlier in the relationship too? Should have dumped him then but love makes u do crzy things. If u would marry him and live with his parents, ur life will be miserable if not over with. His parents will take his side, they already did from what u typed by blaming his temper and ego.
I'm not meaning to be steroetypical but if he's from India, then his actions are normal for the way he was raised. In that society, like I'm sure u know, women are treated as second class while men rule. He controls the household (u must be a housewife and can't have ur own job) and u must raise children, perferably male.
Please don't go back to him if he treats u like that. I'm all for women rights and fight for your right! A man should treat his lady like a queen - you are a queen and don't forget it. Find yourself a king, a man who will respect u as a woman and a person.
2006-08-04 22:56:07 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It was extremely intelligent of you to call off this wedding. You have been engaged for eight years to a man who is going to treat you like a slave. Slavery was abolished, thank the Good Lord; many, many years ago. Do not ever give yourself completely over to another person who is going to treat you like dirt, and disrespect you. I cannot believe that you were foolish enough to stay with this person (I cannot call him a man...he is not one,) for years and years after he was initially being nasty to you. Hot temper....not. It is both childish and antiquated. Why would a young women leave the US to make a life in another country with someone who was treating her badly???? I cannot answer that, only you can. Leave him and the foreign country now. You became nothing but his slave, and probably cheap labor. Come back to the US, find work and build a new life and then, if you find the need too; look for a man who is going to value and respect you for you. Best wishes. Have a good day!
2006-08-04 23:17:43 · answer #4 · answered by Sue F 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow...He really said all of that the day before your wedding?!? Well, I am glad you weren't blinded by love enough to go on with the wedding because you would have regretted it in time. Listen to your parents because they truly have your best interest in heart. Dismissing verbal abuse as "the male ego or his hot temper" is just an excuse. (and you dont have to accept that excuse) People do say hurtful things to people they love, sometimes by honest mistake and depending on your love for them..you forgive and forget. This is a different situation. His verbal abuse and disrespect of you has put him in a different catagory. If he did it in the past, he will continue to do it. Because you have shown him by taking it "on the chin" the first times he did it, that its okay. You made the right decision. Good luck.
2006-08-04 23:17:26 · answer #5 · answered by philly_q_t_2004 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should hop on the next plane back home. Only take what you will need for a few days, when you get home stay with your parents or friends until you can get back on your feet. If you have money stashed away, that's good maybe it'll float you for a lil while, if not, I'm sure that you will find help from those that love you! If you dont have the money for a ticket, then start making calls home to mom and/or dad and or family and friends! I wish you luck!
2006-08-05 00:10:13 · answer #6 · answered by Jenny C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The 'male ego' does not allow your wannabe husband to cal you swine, and worthless.
You did the right thing. If I was you, I'd move right back to USA and get s far away from him as possible. Verbal abuse is the first sign of a physically abusive husband. I have no doubt he may be if you stayed with him. And once you're married, it's harder to end it.
Leave now, you do NOT deserve to be called a swine, especially by your fiance.
2006-08-04 22:52:24 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can thank your lucky stars that you did this! I'm not sure this is correct but it seems that this would have been a cross cultural wedding and you would have been living with his extended family. In that case you could have become something of a domestic slave. Sure didn't sound like his parents were listening to you.
Wow. I will have to say again that you sure dodged a bullet. There are so many other stories where things went the other way.
2006-08-04 22:58:08 · answer #8 · answered by ElOsoBravo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont know why everyone is saying u did a smart thing...actually nothing in ur story says u did anything smart or independent...a matter of fact u didnt even listen to your own parents! Actually i think u are just blinded by the money this guy has,so i think u will enjoy being dominated...have a great life! hahaha
2006-08-04 22:58:14 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately people do... but it is because of a lack of self-control. A hot temper is no excuse for failing to respect you and even though he loves you, that love is competing with other things in his head. True love will conquer all fears. You may have done the right thing. Come back to USA if you must.
2006-08-04 22:52:32 · answer #10 · answered by Jeff B 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What you did was correct.
Couples who are genuinely in love with each other do fight on and off (kinda natural!), but nobody says the things your ex-fiance told you. That's just plain mean. I'm glad you let your head rule your heart and called the wedding off. You don't deserve him. I'm sure you'll find someone else who'll not only love you and care for you, but also respect you. Eight years is a long time, but not long enough for you to stick with him through all the insult for the rest of your life. Your future starts now!
2006-08-04 23:12:27 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋