losing my voice over my fiance?

Question

I love my fiance. very much. but i know when i am with him, a part of me is shadowed. he's a very intelligent man, and when we go out, he takes center stage. I wouldn't mind this if i didn't feel i never get a chance to voice my opinion. He's very engaged in conversations, and usually directs them towards others, so I feel uncomfortable butting in. This makes me feel very aloof in public situations with him. Not to mention that his friends think I have no opinion on anything, and am not very smart!
The thing is I am a very opinionated woman, and before I met him, I had great conversations with people. Now, except when I hang out with my friends alone, I feel like I am losing my voice.
I should also add that I am a writer, and I feel this loss of voice is slowly creeping into my writing as well.
In a nutshell, what can I do? I tried to talking to him, but it seems i;m asking him to alter his personality, which I don't want to do. It seems all I wnat t do is prove that i'm smart

Answer 1

I something like that happening to me once. My husband and I got married overseas. The 1st year or so was fine. We moved back to the states and around his family. It was like I became the invisible person.

We ended up having a long conversation about it. When we were at family functions or parties he would cut me off. Like I said it didn't start out this way. It was like I let him take to proverbial inch and he took a mile. (this sounds like a war I know.)

When you socialize together make sure you both have friends there. Make sure you're not hanging off each other at parties or other social functions. If you half to interrupt.

Talk to him about it. It won't get better until you do. My husband never even realized he was doing it, and I have no idea why I let him.

GOOD LUCK!!! AND be CONFIDENT

Answer 2

Oh man...you're like the female, engaged version of me! Weird...

I have the same problem, only no one else seems to be the cause; I'm rather opinionated myself, and when I'm writing on the internet (or writing a story; I'm a writer too), I can say exactly how I feel without a problem. But in an actual conversation, I find myself usually listening quietly, sometimes thinking of what to say, but rarely/never trying to say it.

First of all, don't let it affect your writing! Use your writing as your means of expression, so at least you can get it out. A writer's greatest gift is the ability to express him/herself; don't lose it.

Secondly, try talking to your fiancé in private about this. Odds are it's unintentional, and maybe he'll try to hold back a bit in the future for your sake.

If that doesn't sound great, you can also try jumping into their conversation next time, perhaps with just a hint of rudeness to squeeze yourself into the talking circle. Don't worry about disagreeing with or accidentally offending someone and just speak freely. It can be awkward (I know, I've tried), but once they've heard your voice a few times, it'll be much easier to talk with them.


Good luck with your problem and your writing. I hope it all works out!

Answer 3

It sounds like you feel intimidated by him, i hope not,
if you feel uncomfortable, with him, and can not get over that, then i would say, you would be better off without him,
after all, love, respect, looking toward you, and to vallue what you have to say, is how your "partner" Should be,
Thank God, you are not in Iran, think of those poor females, who get no respect, they are unfortunately in an awful degrading lifespan.. anyway, back to you

I know you are smart, the fact that you are not "comfortable" with your role in the social situations,, is a warning signal, "IT WON'T GET BETTER" by itself,

Please don't step down, and be automatically "beneath him" in any way,,
If he talks about a subject that you know little about, it only means you do not know about that subject,, just as you know things he does not know,, right?

However, if your boyfriend controls the topic, the forum, and this is of his interests or background, it means only he is into himself, and only holds interests that he can "take control of the communication" variety, is healthy, and it is also healthy for him to keep quiet once in a while, or more, and learn, of you, and what you have to add to the world,,

Please don't put yourself down, and settle for the role of "his extension" YOU HAVE PLENTY TO OFFER THE WORLD, " we all do, in fact people are facinating, and we can learn so much by being open for other subjects, people, experiences etc,

TALK TO HIM, IN A COZY, MOMENT WHEN HE IS INTO giving you his attention,, and let him know how you feel.

iwant to say one more thing, not to insult you, or label you, but i think that you could be creating this in your mind, and yes it is real, for some reason, if you carry the belief that he is "better than you" SMARTER, MORE SUPERIOR, And you feel insecure, or "like next to him you are not that much" THEN YOU NEED TO GET OVER IT, AND BE KIND TO YOURSELF, AND realize all the value you have, and do not feel second to him.
BACK TO WHAT I SAID EARLIER, IF YOU CAN NOT BE COMFORTABLE WITH HIM, or feel "LESS" THAN he is not the right man for you to be with.. and believe me when you let go of him and find another person where you are treated equal, and comfortable..you will know you did the right thing,
good luck,,

Answer 4

ya it happens sometimes ,specially when u r wid ur fiance or bf i was also gone through this situation as i feel shy in talking and presenting my views frankly i dnt knw but this feeling occurs internally but as d time goes on v bcme frank n now i dnt hav any prob v both talk n present our views frankly,
My suggestion 2 u is that u hav to be confident dnt think what the next person will think abt u u just bring out your views n b fixed in proving that what u said is right or make him understand that ur views r correct.

Answer 5

You aren't asking him to alter his personality- You are asking him to be considerate of you. You have the right to express yourself every bit as much as he does. Are you his equal in every way? If not you have no business being in a relationship with him. When you give up the will or desire to be heard you are selling yourself out. You shouldn't have to fight to be heard- a good man would be interested in hearing what you have to say. Good Luck.

Answer 6

acting smart some times work wonders

Answer 7

rent the movie creepshow and model yourself after billie

Answer 8

i think what you are disliking now will grow to resentment later. Rak him off

Answer 9

Just butt in, for crying out loud!

Interrupt, be annoying, impolite if you have to be, but don't let him do this to you.

Answer 10

If he's all this why do you want to marry him?