advise on divorce!?

Question

anybody go through a nasty divorce and live to tell their sucess stories. im a mother of two (21/2 & 13 mos) my husband and i just cant get along he doesnt trust me, never gave him a reason. but i just recently found out by a couple of people that he hasnt been faithful, and with my best friend, for years now. they both deny it but it just makes to much sense. neway, we've only been separated for a week and hes already just putting in the account 25% of his gross income. hes got 3 simply battery charges on him from all the fighting we do and hes moved his CDs and bonds, well im sure his mother did that. hes a mommas boy big time and they have alot of money and my family doesn't. he tells me its gonna be "World War 3" for custody of the kids because he can provide better for them. well not him himself but his momma. we both make about the same sararies. i need only serious answers here, some who can let me no what i should do and win, how bout a PI. i live in a "no fault state"

Answer 1

Get a lawyer, and watch what they are doing. The courts, right or wrong, usually grant the wife custody, unless there are over riding circumstances. Get the child support process started NOW. The lawyer will do it. Yup, divorce sucks, it's the worst thing I've experienced. BUT, eventually, things will improve. Let hubby do whatever he wants. You take the high road. Don't speak badly about him to your kids, even if he behaves hurtfully. Work to build a good life for you, and your kids. I do caution you about one thing. Don't dwell on the failures in your marriage. And don't let things he says and does slide. Remember. After the dust falls, be sure to hold him responsible for his actions. You WON'T end as friends. Don't expect that, and don't excuse things his mom does either. People think they can drag you into the mud, and you supposedly forgive and forget, cuz later, "They're sorry", or "Were just fighting for the kids", the son, or his happiness. Be strong for your kids, and believe that IF you stay true to yourself, and your kids; life will improve. Perhaps someday, you will find somebody new. I did, even though I never believed I would. Now, my life is great, because my wife and I are happy, and just had our 14th anniversary.

Answer 2

Bugger! I would not worry to much about the money. In a no fault state what usually happens is the person with physical custody stays in the marital home until the youngest is 18. You may or may not be awarded child support which he may or may not pay.

If all you want is to get rid of this guy then get a lawyer, sit down with her/him and tell that person exactly what you want. He can take his things, you keep yours. You are not responsible for his debt only if you put it in writing in a legal paper. (I think).

The judge will not go on his word *I can provide better* he will only look at what you and your soon-to-ex make not his parents.
Just be the same loving parent you always have and document if he comes to see the children or not.

Remember child support and visitation do not go hand in hand and he may be able to visit them even if he isn't paying anything.

I know you are hurt and angry but set those feelings aside here and think logically.

Your babies are quite young yet and they need stability now more than ever. Document all his phone calls and what he says. If you have to get a restraining order and make sure its enforced, but this is a last resort and to be used only if you have reasonable fears.

It may *make sense* but that doesn't mean it was true. I'm not sticking up for him so don't get me wrong there. But one day the kids will want to be with him too and they shouldn't hear bad things, he is their dad even if he isnt your husband any longer.

Good luck hon and remember vindictiveness is not the answer.

Answer 3

You have every right, religiously or otherwise, to get rid of this guy! He says he doesn't know if he can change? He doesn't want to change, so you need to make the change, for yourself. This is easier said than done, but you move on by finding a reputable and affordable lawyer, packing up your stuff, and getting out. Once you’re out, stay out. When he realizes you’re serious, he’s going to try and play on your emotions, saying anything he can think of to get back in your good graces. Fall for none of it! Let it go in one ear and push it right out of the other, as fast as possible. Men like him don’t change, no matter who they’re with. He's a lost cause, don't try trusting him anymore. He's not worth your time or your trust. Since you don’t have children, there is nothing holding him to you, or you to him. This could also be dangerous for you, in that his ego has been wounded, and he might decide to harm you in some way, to get back at you for leaving him. Learn to protect yourself, whether you learn some form of martial arts, or getting a dog, or getting a gun, I can’t stress this enough, find a way to protect yourself! You rebuild your trust in people slowly, one minute at a time. You're 28, so you will have a family one day, with someone who is worthy of your love and your trust. When you're ready, take your time in the new relationship. Be sure that you're ready for a new relationship before you get into one. Check into counseling for yourself so that when a new guy comes along, you'll be able to open your heart to him, without dragging this baggage behind you. Now that you know what you will and won’t accept in a relationship, you’ll be fine.

Answer 4

hi quick answer that you wont like .....but keep reading ......there is no winners in this you will eventually get rid of this man (if i can call him that ) but this is a horrible thing to go through i left my husband 9 months ago and its still not sorted out dont get me wrong i have a place of my own and at the end of the day its mineand i dont ave to put up with any of his crap anymore ,what im trying to say is you aregoing to have a long road to go down but believe me it will get easier as time go by and you better believe me that he will use the kids to the point that you'd never expect (ivebeen suprized at what my x husband has down !!)but at the end of the day,kids always come back to there mum ,if you are sick to the back teeth of him and the way he's been treating you then do somethingabout it get out there and make a life for you and youre kids dont be bullied by this asshole !!go and get some advice from a help centre you will come out the other side a happier person ,i know that this isnt settled yet but i do know that im not waking up in the morning thinking .....ohhh no whats going to happen today and live in fear .....as tht was my life 9 months ago !! good luck and dont back down to him take care xx

Answer 5

You don't need all that. He has to PROVE you are a unfit mom.And irresponsible. The chances of him getting custody is slim to none.The best he could do would be shared custody.As for his money, well he has provided you with a certain type life style and you maybe able to get alittle share of that money yourself. But your better off getting it for your kids. If you receive any money from him the government considers that an income for you and you have to pay taxes on it. Another thing is if he pays child support he gets to claim the kids as his dependents at tax time. But if it's shared custody and neither of you take any money from the other then you would want to speak to your attorney at who gets to claim them and how to claim them if you both have them only six month at a time. You may have to take turns each year at claiming them in that case.Most of these guys like that are just grasping at straws and want to hurt you were it hurts the most and our kids is it. They don't want full custody of them because they won't have any time to go out and party.Most don't want that obligation ;so don't let what he says scare you. I'd tell him "Great if you think you can get them please try because as soon as you are proven wrong about my being an irresponsible mom and unfit I'm going to sue you for defamation of character."Then see what he has to say about that. My ex use to tell everyone that two of our kids weren't his which was a lie so one day I told him" Let's go get a D&A test done, but when it comes back positive that your their dad be ready to get used for "defamation of charcter". Cause I'm going to get you.He never went and never said it again. Once they got into high school one of them had always donated blood to the Red Cross and she asked them what her blood type was and they told her "O" positive, JUST LIKE HER DADDY. NEED TO SAY SHE LET HIM KNOW TOO. Now she has nothing to do with him and he wishes she would.

Answer 6

A family lawyer ought to give you the sound advice on what to do and its outcome: financial, custody and otherwise. If you can prove the case of adultery with material evidence then you've won your case. Good Luck.

Answer 7

well you are in tilted to half of what he has unless it is all in his Mommy's name then you won't get nothing If he has a bank acct you will be awarded half of what he has there as for as custody goes he has to prove you unfit and not taking care of the kids. If I were you I would get a lawyer. I have been there I didn't try for custody but my ex wife got half of a checking acct half of a saving acct and half of my 401k. She also gets half a house payment so get a good lawyer

Answer 8

Not sure what the infidelity and everything has to do w/ anything.

He wants the kids and you want the kids. Just gotta plead your case in court and hope the judge picks you.

You're a woman, you shouldn't be too worried. :-|

Answer 9

you should have taken the money before you got into the seperation, you can try all you want but its not likely you will get anything, they can tell him to pay but he can avoid it and drag it out forever.