i just got married 1 month ago and out of nowhere my husband is telling me we are moving severeal hours away.?

Question

from home and family. no particular reason, in the middle of nowhere. do i have to submit. or do i have a right to argue?

Answer 1

You have a right to argue.

There is a reason. He just won't tell you. Which to me, alarms me that reason isn't good situation.

If he is not telling you, I would be very concerned. He has no right to think you two can up and leave on his submission.

I think you need to do more investigation of this issue and find out
A) why
B) Where and why the location
C) How long
D) Under what circumstances
E) What is the point.

Then that is when you two decide together to move. If he insist on moving. Then he moves alone since this situation shouldn't be trusted and not fair to you nor the marriage in itself. You need to decide whether you go or annul the marriage.

P.S. Now if he is in the military. Now that is a completly different story since can't always disclose personal information. Sometimes familes can tag along on the next base or stay at their home til their spouse returns. My step sister moved with her husband to Germany with their two kids since he is stationed their for 4 years total in Army. My fiance isn't allowed to tell me specified information for the Marines.

So, give us more details cuz some of this doesn't add up.

Answer 2

I just answered another of your questions (about your husband not liking it when you initiate intimacy) and, for whatever reason, i thought i'd look at your other questions and found this one and several others that add up to something really not good.

You've asked about everything from whether it bothers other men if women wear make-up to what is a perfect woman to being upset because your husband wants you to work and you want to raise your son (by the way, is it also his son?). You've asked about whether or not husbands are thinking only of their wives when they masturbate.

You're the same age as my daughter. Of course, that doesn't make me your mother, but please listen to someone who has lived what you are describing; who knows what all the questions you've asked are leading to; who's been forced to watch her children be hurt.

The reason i asked if the child was his is because if the child is not his, biologically, then it will give him just that much more to use against you. You will do anything he wants if he threatens the child, whether it's his child or not.

You need to call a battered women's shelter and ask them some of these things. They can tell you, statistically, what the big signs of an abusive spouse are. I'm very afraid you have walked into the lion's den.

Suddenly moving you away from friends and family is one of THE biggest ways to get complete and total control over you. In his mind, you will have no one but him to rely upon. You will be reluctant to call your family when he hurts you because you won't want to ask them to go to so much trouble to come and get you.

You do NOT have to submit. You DO have the right to argue. If he tells you that he is the husband and you will do as he says, then my suggestion to you is to say "Fine!" Then, the next day, go back to your parents or to a friend's or a sibling's that he doesn't know where they live ... but get away fast. Please. For your sake. Take only what you absolutely have to have. If you don't have a car, call a cab. If you don't have money for a cab, call a friend, a former co-worker, a neighbor ... anyone.

The abusive ones are almost always nice and considerate until the wedding and it takes, typically, a month or less before they have turned into someone you don't know. I was 18 y/o and married 3 weeks when my ex beat the living daylights out of me the first time. It's worse as the kids come along because you don't want them not to have their father .... your reasoning has then become flawed.

The abusive ones chip away at you a little at a time ... first with issues like your other question i mentioned above ... then comments about what you wear ... then comments about you being on the phone ... they don't want you to go anywhere without them ... by the time they REALLY begin to get abusive, they have fooled you into thinking that they're right and something must be wrong with you.

GET HELP NOW!

I know you probably feel like you love him. I've been right where you are. And, even if you do love him, you won't for very long at this rate. Sweetie, you're only 23, 24 years old. Judging from your picture, you're just adorable. You can start life over and, if you give a judge good examples of his behaviors already and if the child is not his, you may not even have to get a divorce; you can probably just have the marriage annuled.

PLEASE think about this. At least call the women's shelter and ask them if he sounds potentially abusive ~ but tell them the plain truth, don't varnish it one way or the other; just the facts.

PLEASE READ ALL OF THIS PAGE:
http://organizations.rockbridge.net/projecthorizon/signsofabuser.htm

http://www.cnn.com/HEALTH/library/WO/00044.html

http://www2.oprah.com/tows/pastshows/200605/tows_past_20060503_b.jhtml


Please don't be a statistic. If you leave, don't tell anyone where you are, only that you are safe. That's why your best bet is a shelter for battered wives until you can get a restraining order against him.

I understand that you have no job and you have a small son, but welfare and food stamps are better than what you are headed for.

Answer 3

Where you live is unimportant for a married couple. What matters here is that your husband seems to feel he can simply make decisions, and you are to go along with his decisions. This bodes ill for your marriage. Unless you are a spineless ninny, you won't accept this attitude. He is supposed to be your friend. Your lover. NOT your Father, or you boss. Stand up for yourself, or be prepared to follow orders for the rest of your life. This needn't end the marriage, but the attitude MUST go. It's important enough that I advise getting divorced- IF IF IF he simply says "I'm the man, and you will do as I say." I wish you luck. I hope you are a strong woman, cuz you're in for a rocky start for this marriage. I'm afraid his parents let him get some inflated ideas about what being a man means in a marriage.

Answer 4

Of course you have a right to argue! a marriage is a partnership you should both have a say especially in important decisions like this. You will be completely isolated away from your family and friends. If you let this go then he will think he has the right to make other decisions without you too. Talk it out with him now to stop this happening again. Gone are the days of the meek, submissive wife!

Answer 5

There is more to this. One month later you are told your moving to nowhere. Sorry more here than we know or your hubby is an idiot. I go with something not heard. Give some more details here. If your husband is in the service he doesn't have a choice. He has to go or go to jail or better yet get shot as a deserter.
Did his company move and he was told move or lose your job.

Come on girl give us all the facts before we start bashing that crap out of him for no good reason.

Answer 6

I would definitely argue this one! Where the two of you live is supposed to be up to both of you...if he has a problem with that, then it is just too bad.

Stand your ground and don't back down. I am concerned that you have only been married 1 month and he is already being controlling and inconsiderate. Who does he think he is anyway? No matter what he says...stick to your guns on this one. Take care and good luck.

Answer 7

Arguing at the stage when u are just letting know eachother would create prejudices and illfeelings.It is better that u talk in a more mature way, give a way to open discussion.Being Man of the house,he has some decisions to be taken,yes,but its surprising he didnt ask for ur opinion.He may not appreciate ur arguing,and u'll simply feel hurt.Talk to him.

Answer 8

YES you do have the right to argue & you also have to submit by SUPPORTING you new husband as he should support your reasons for whatevers. Your maried now he isnt your boyfriend & iam sure you will have so many replies from woman telling you all that liberal crapp but, as a wife you do have to support your husband & that means submitting as i would HOPE he submits to your Dreams & Goals by supporting you

Answer 9

mmm that's shady did you talkabout this before marriage ?... I say you have the right to argue , he has no cheep home out there , no new job or being transfered or anything makes e think he may want to kind of get you away from friends and family ... so you only have to depend on him .. I could be very wrong . maybe you have known him for a long time and know this is not the case , maybe he always liked the town or something something i dunno think about it

Answer 10

You have rights as a wife. If you feel strongly against it, tell him.
Do not suffer in silence. You may find yourself cut off from family and friends. That might be what he wants, for you to depend solely upon him for everything. That does not seem to be what you would want for yourself.