Is this considered cheating?

Question

My husband told me he wanted to get separated. We still lived in the same house. But I took a month out of town which he was going to use to find a place to stay so when I came back from vacation he could move away. While I was on vacation he got a girl and dated her and had sex with her for like 2 weeks. Then he calls me and tells me he wants me back and tells me that being with another one made him realize that the only one he loves is me. I think that he had a right to date if we where separated, yet some people tell me is cheating.. what do you think?

By the way I'm taking him back, no matter what you guys answer here.

We've been together for 12 years, and we where both virgins when we got together. And we have 2 kids together...

I am asking even though I made up my mind because I have anger issues with the girl, as I know who she is.

He used protection.

I got anger issues with her because she knew I still loved him and I confessed to her that I wanted to try and get him back, yet she went and tried to steal him away instead.

Answer 1

Yeah, it was a way for him to cheat, without technically cheating. What an SOB.

Answer 2

If u both agreed to the seperation, at the point when u left.. u basically stopped living as husband and wife, even though he was still in the same house that u lived in as a couple.. Just a guess but im assuming that when u left for a month it was to deal with being seperated.. probably went and stayed with family for a bit.. because it was to much to handle actually watching him move out and being in the same house with someone u knew didnt want to be in the marriage with u.. so from the moment u left.. knowing that his intent was to move out by the time u got back, agreeing to this happening (seperation) i would have to say that no it wasnt really cheating although tech. yes.. like u said nothing we say here is going to persuade u either way from your already decision, but i think u need to try and get passed this if ur willing to work on your marriage.. and i think the best way for u to be able to do that is to definately not consider it as "cheating" ..

Good luck, i hope he's truely realized what he almost lost..

Answer 3

You are not 'separated' until one of you moves out ! Until then you are living together, and should have enough respect for each other to NOT bring other playmates to your mutual home. I don't care if you were there or not.

Why did YOU have to take a vacation while HE looked around? Couldn't he look while you were living there too? Perhaps he would have looked faster if he wanted to get away from you. Leaving the playpen to him just gave him license to use it for playing. And NOT seriously looking for a place for himself. Why should he? He HAD a place that was already paid for !!

Calling you on vacation to tell you he wants you back after two weeks of disease-gathering activity (in YOUR bed??)... Honey, he was shitting bricks that you might kick his *** out before he had a place of his own.

Yes, until he's OUT, he's CHEATING. Or.. more to the point... He's showing you absolutely NO courtesy, concern, RESPECT. He's showing you that he's not responsible.

When you take him back, remember that if he could do it once, and it's easy for him to come back (Been there, done that.), he'll absolutely do it AGAIN. and AGAIN. You are probably doomed to having indirect sex with a few hundred people... like a long chain letter.

I'd kick his *** out PAST the curb. Change the locks BEFORE he begs to get back in, turn the TV up really LOUD so you can't here him beg to be let back in... and take a leisurely bubble bath until he stops dirtying your windows with his greasy nose.

:-)

Answer 4

Hey, whatever - don't listen to any of these people on here. Go and be happy with your husband. He obviously doesn't believe that he was cheating on you so now you two have a bit of an understanding, right? You should wake up tomorrow, have a yelling match with him and tell him you want to separate. Then, go out and find the best looking man you've ever seen and sleep with him. Go home and tell your husband that you realized that he was the only one for you. Repeat as often as you'd like - it's kinda like being Catholic in a way, right?

Answer 5

If you were seperated, then no it wasn't cheating. It might not have been the smart thing to do, but no it's not cheating. Maybe, in some crazy way this will save your marriage and make it stronger. I wouldn't go head first into the relationship like nothing happend. You should seek some professional help, and I don't want to scare you but I tell him to go get tested. I wouldn't sleep with him till he does. If he refussed to go, I wouln't take him back. He played with his life, he should not play with yours. You are going to have to learn how to trust him. Even though you were seperated he did have a fling...but doesn't mean he will ever do it again while he is with you. If you love each other, make the past mistakes work for you not against you, and you both will be happy.......God bless us all...........

Answer 6

You are married to the guy. You had an unofficial separation. You leave town for a month. He dates a girl and has sex with the girl.
He calls you and tells you you are the only one. You are taking him back no matter what we say.

A) He cheated and will cheat again.
B) If you did the same , would he feel the same? I doubt he would.
He would take the " you did what, you slut attitude!"
C) He will again ask for a separation very shortly.
D) What does it matter, you lay down with a dog, you are bound to get fleas.

Answer 7

Yes, unless you are offically divorced, it's cheating.

Consider this analogy:

We are playing a game of chess. The rules of play state that I cannot move your pieces, only my own. Well, you get up and "pause" the game, stating you will return shortly. You do so, only to discover that I have in fact moved some of your pieces (most likely in such a format that gives me a distinct advantage). You protest, but I reply that since you got up and left, the game was "paused", and I had a right to move your pieces.

Did I cheat?

Answer 8

Well you two were seperated. Maybe he just needed to be with another woman so it would open his eyes up that the grass is not greener on the other side. I have to say he was honest with you most guys would not say they dated someone and had sex with them during seperation. I do not consider it cheating as you said you two were seperated. Usually seperation leads to divorce. Try not to be a doormat though and allow him to do this again. Good luck to the both of you.

Answer 9

Yes it is cheating, and it's okay that you take him back as long as it's a decision you can live with, because no one else has to deal with this but you. However, the fact remains you were still married (that's the key word) and until you or he has papers saying that you are not it was infidelity on his part.

Answer 10

seperation means you are only man and wife on paper, but anything else goes. that's the consequences of separating. IMO you guys dont have a real solid relationship. personally i'd seek counsel but that choice is up to you. how can you forgive him for doing that?

anyway all answers are useless because you're taking him back anyway. so there's no point. hopefully you guys can start anew.

Answer 11

no it wasn't cheating because you all were not together but if you want to continue to go through this whenever he gets tired of your booty hes able to get some elsewhere than comes back go right on ahead dont get mad when he brings STDs with him consider them a gift as to what you let him do and im sorry you dont feel like your worth more than that and even though you dont i do oh my bad yall married so it is cheating but still everthing else goes