My Parents Are getting a divorce and my pap told me something that made me feel bad...please HELP!?

Question

My Parents told me in the beginning of May that they were getting divorced. I am only 12 and it was hard for me to except it. Well about 2 weeks after they told me, i was supposed to go have plans with my friends but we had to go to eat at my grandparents house. I was kinda mad so i sat out on the swing the whole time and my pap came out and yelled at me and told me to go 2 the garage he wanted to talk to me. He told me that if I were to have a better act that maybe my parents wouldnt b getting a divorce. So he practially told me it was my fault. Do you think this is true that from me not being in the best moods all the time my parents we unhappy too.? PLEASE HELP ME.! IM SO CONFUSED ANYMORE!

Answer 1

Nope. Not your fault. You seem very smart and mature for your age. Don't believe it. I just divorced from my wife and I have 2 boys. And they had NOTHING to do with it. That man should be ashamed of himself for saying that to you. I'm sorry, I really am...I know some stranger that you don;t even know isn't going to convince you, but trust me, IT"S NOT YOUR FAULT!! Maybe you can talk to one of your parents to let them know what he said and how that made you feel. It might make you feel better.

Answer 2

Well I think that if this is how it all truly happened, that your Dad put this on you, at the age of 12 years old? Then he needs to take a serious look at himself,his words and what they have done to you. That is not why parents who are loving ones, get divorced. They aren't getting divorced because of being parents or problems with moods, kids, or anything like that. It is what is going on or not going on, with them as a couple. I am so sorry to hear that his has happened. Its hard enough I am sure to hear about your parents divorcing and then for him to take you out and say it was you? That is just downright disgusting! I hope you can get past what he said, and know that you are going to be fine. You are never alone, hope you have other family support and friends! Things will be better, in time, but you have to have time, to heal. I wish you inner peace and strength! Good luck! Keep smiling, things will be okay!

Answer 3

Pap is wrong, and he was very wrong in telling you that if you were nicer that your parents wouldn't be getting divorce. That's not true. I want you to go and talk to both you Mom and Dad and I bet you they are going to tell you the same thing. Right now, Mom and Dad are proably very confussed too, divorce is not want they planned on when they got married, but it does happen. I am sorry that your Grandfather told you this, and got you more upset then you all ready were. People sometime say things that are not true when they are hurting. Everyone is hurting right now, and proably not very easy to be around. So, talk to Mom and Dad either together or apart, but tell them how you are feeling. Could be some of the reason you aren't in the best moods is because of what's going on with your parents right now. But being 12 you could try a little harder to be patience and extra kind to both of them. Ok....things will calm down, I am going to lie and say everything is going to be ok over night, because with them divorcing all of you are going to have some big changes to get use too. My neice told she was sad that her parents got divorced, but she could tell they were both a lot happier being away from each other, no more yelling and fighting, so she was happier too. So, I hope this happens to you too...Remember to talk to your parents, and let them help you understand what's going on and why...I know that you being a bad mood didn't do it...You take care of yourself, and you have a lot of courage to ask this question, because asked for the truth, and the truth hurts sometimes, but not in case. You didn't do anything wrong....Now you have sweet dreams, and God bless you....

Answer 4

First of all..I'm sorry that your parents are getting a divorce..but please know that it is not your fault..or anything that you have done..and I am sure that your parents would want you know that it is not from anything that you have done. It might be a good idea to talk to your parents and let them know how your are feeling. Unfortunately, parents get divorced all of the time..but it is never the kids fault. It might also be a good idea to write your feelings down by writing a note to your parents..so that you can be sure that they know exactly how you feel. I'm sure that they would be pretty upset with your pap..by what he said to you. I know it's hard, but try not to worry so much, spend time with friends that will help keep your mind off of everything that's going on and just try to have fun being a kid. Good luck with everything.

Answer 5

That is a very hurtful thing for him to say My dad raised me and when I was 6 yrs old he remarried well when I was 15 yrs old they divorced and the last thing my step mom said to me was are you happy now you got what you wanted it hurt me so bad I thought it was my fault and I thought for the longest that it was I mean my dad used to cry over her and I felt so much guilt well I am now 31 yrs old and have four kids and am on a second marriage it wasn't until I was grown had kids of my own did I realize that children can not make you get a divorce.No matter how bad the kid is it is always the parents I mean there are problems in your parents marriage way beyond you putting them in a bad mood.If I were you I would talk to one of your parents about this and maybe they can explain a little about why they are getting divorced.

Answer 6

Coming from someone who is also a child of divorce I just have to say firstly that I am sorry about your situation. Believe me when my parents split up it revealed a whole side to each of them that I never knew. That may be why your father snapped at you now if your wondering why he may have said what he did you should definitely confront him about it. Most likely he said it because he was stressed and wasn't hearing what he said to you. But you should confront him about it and get to the bottom of it and tell him how it made you feel. The most important thing you can do after a divorce is to just confront your feelings and deal with them. Don't keep them inside because that may lead to more serious emotional problems down the road. It is alright for you to be unhappy as long as you deal with it head on and try to make your mood better. Also do not be afraid to ask for help, it could be from your parents or a counselor. When my parents split up I went to a counselor and it worked out great. I hope this advice helps you out and that things work out for you.

Answer 7

Pap shouldn't have told you that. Shame on him! You aren't the reason the parents are divorcing, they are. You rightly are in a bad mood sometimes, your whole world is coming apart. Try to understand that it's a trying time for everyone, and stay focused on the important things, like your education. Then you can have a better life someday, and raise your own children without the threat of a divorce.

Answer 8

PAP is from the old school where EVERYTHING negative that happened was blamed on the children (my mom is the same way)........Sweetie, IN NO WAY is it your fault that your parents are getting divorced, and I'm sorry that you have to go through it.....Ask mom and dad if you can go to a counselor for awhile to help you sort your feelings out. It will be awkward at first, but the counselor will be able to help you see things in a different light.......Take care, honey, divorces don't end the world........

Answer 9

No!! Your Pap is just angry himself. Your parents have probably been having problems for a long time now. Don't blame your self for your parents divorce. I have 2 boys when I got my divorce I thought they would be upset. I was lucky I set them down & talked to them. Yes yhey were hurt but I answered as honest as their ages would let me. As they got older they learned more. Some from me and some from other people who knew their father & I when we were married. I think you should ask your mom & dad if they, would together, sit & talk with you about the divorce, just to help you through it also. Hope everything goes well for you!!!!

Answer 10

NO WAY! Absolutely no way they are divorcing because your you. It makes no sence at all.

Not a single man or woman I know divorced because their child was not behaving. I have many divorced friends.

Your father's upset inside him already when he came out to talk to you. He is crying inside, even if he doesn't show it on his face.
So instead of saying "I'm so hurt, my world is falling apart, on top of that, you're not listening to me" he said 'It's all your fault" wich is simply not true. I think he didn't mean it.

Hey, did you ever say something bad to your friend, when you were upset? Like, "Go away, you're idiot". Later you probably felt regret for calling your friend an idiot. Only that is not so damaging, because your friend will never really think he's an idiot. Imagine for a second if he did. But in realty, it is not true.

So bottom line: no, parents are not divorcing because of your actions.

Answer 11

Divorce of parents are never the fault of anyone of their kids; but mostly, it was the kids who feels it was theirs. In the first place, ur parents are getting a divorce because they dislike each other and can't meet each other eye to eye. They have different opinions on so many things, and that includes how they are going to raise their kids. So its their problem and never ever the kids.

But its always psychological for kids to be guilty about it, even, like in your case, your pap... but no... trust me, it is never the kid's fault. The child is the parents responsibility; but the parents are never a child's responsibility while they are minors.