What do some young gays find in very older men?

Question

There is a group of gays that dates almost exclusively men with a big age difference ,35 -40 years and more.It has nothing to do with money.What are they looking for?What are they getting from that age difference?And what happens when they get older and the target group dies?

Answer 1

Stability, experience, wisdom ... and the same sort of things that have always led to May-November relationships. Older people are *different* because they've lived a lot more life.

When they get older, they're the "older guys".

Answer 2

Wow, 40 years older? That IS a big age difference.
I, myself, although I am not a male or homosexual, also find older men attractive, but I limit that attraction to up to 20 years my senior. Older than that, perhaps I'd call that person attractive, but I'm not attracted to that person myself.

The appeal of old age? It's experience. Stability. I'm assuming the "young gays" you're referring to are in their late teens, or early 20s. This happens to be a highly unstable, delicate period of time for people as a whole-- where there is so much transitioning that an icon of stability, i.e. the older male, seems appealing. Someone who already has a career, a determined future ahead of them, may be seen as that buoy in their young life. I sometimes see it that way myself. That older men, apart from merely being more handsome due to age (like wine! lol), also have a quality that is comforting-- to know that if I trip or fall in my pursuits, there is someone there I can look up to, and can support me.
This topic, in relation to the homosexual aspect of this question, is that... I mentioned how this youthful, uncertain time makes adolescents desire stability-- but the fact that these boys are homosexual also plays a part. This world, sad as it is to admit, is still primarily prejudiced about the gay community, although it surely is improving. Some boys have a hard time to "come out of the closet" and therefore would like someone who has already done so successfully. To put it simply (using a horribly analogy but the only one I can come up with at the moment)-- it's like "teaching them the ropes." When children are young, they're fearful of the unknown, and especially the reactions of their family and friends. To have someone who already has been through the s.hit that the world throws at them is to know that it's okay to be who they are. (wow this sounds so corny lol)

That's just my outlook on this issue. Ah, when the older male dies, it's the typical spousal-death reaction (unless it is, like you mentioned, for money)--- of course there is a lot of grief, but the living widower will likely move on.

Answer 3

I haven't really heard too much about this. I will say that I tend to be attracted to slightly older guys (4 years older, sometimes up to like...20 years, depending). It's partly that they're literally more mature: not necessarily just interested in sex (and even when the are, they'll be more experienced or whatever). And I think it might be partly a generational issue that a most gay men my age are very much going for a "look" that I'm really not into. Furthermore, that's more of a tendancy; it's not exclusive by any means.

Answer 4

You know what? That's such a good question. There's just no one answer to that. It's a phenomenon to me. I mean, if you look at most gay celebrities, you’ll notice this trend too. Ellen Degeneres, Elton John, etc.

What’s with the age difference? And why are younger gays/lesbians attracted to their older counterparts?

For one, it may be because there’s hardly any boundary in gay relationships. Most gay people defy traditional practices. They can’t get married, and I guess they could care less what others say about their age difference—after all, they’re gay!

The number of gay people is limited. The number of gay people who you’re attracted to and have the same interests with is even more limited. And it’s difficult to find a prospective partner with common interests. So I guess, at one point or another, gay/lesbians open up their horizons and explore different potentials.

It's weird, though. I thought one of the whole ideas about partnering up is for individuals to grow and develop with each other. An older partner went through everything you have and can’t possibly GROW with you. They can only help you grow—they’re already grown. So if an insecure person can’t trust someone their age to grow with, they’ll automatically be allured by an older individual. Also some younger gays/lesbians can’t relate to a possible partner their age, because they claim to be more mature and adamant in what they want. (They basically claim to be wiser.)

Answer 5

The same thing heterosexuals find in an older partner!! Some love the emotional stability - sleeping with and awakening to the same person each day, growing older together. For some, they might think there's more financial gain to be found with an older partner. For some, they figure an older person will be more laid-back and not a bar-hopper or game player, and will be really good in bed. I hear that the young "studs" really SUCK in bed and the only ones who say they're good are themselves!!

Answer 6

security?

Me, personally, I got tired of dating Juviniles my age. I found a lot of 40 year old adolescents alive and well in my dating days.

So I decided to be with someone who is my emotional equal. One who want the same things I do and believe the same things too. I found that in an older man, 15 years my senior.

Answer 7

Someone else also wrote that this is also common in the "straight" world. My opinion is that some younger people like a "father" figure. I don't mean that they want to have sex with their daddies, but look up to someone older than themselves. Most of us were taught to respect our elders, and learn from them. Since most gay people were brought up by straight parents... their wasn't anyone to teach them how to be "gay"... therefore it would only be natural for a young gay person to look up to an older gay person for guidance. Sometimes that relationship leads to more than just a mentor position. There are few things more attractive than looking into the eyes of someone enamored with you. Good Question...

Answer 8

It's nice to wake up with some one who knows what they want out of life and who you can carry on an intelligent conversation with....they're more secure .....that said ---I'm now 57 and in a 19 year relationship and things haven't changed much for me...I'm still attracted to my own age group..for much the same reasons.

Answer 9

Even straight people sometimes do this, its all depends of their preference. I always dated 5 years younger/5 years older

Answer 10

i've always liked older men. when i was a teenager guys in there 30s and 40s did it for me............still do, (i'm 38) but they're all looking at the graduating class lolololol