Breakup, get back together...repeat?

Question

I have been with my boyfriend for about 3 years now. On the rare occasion that we have a fight it escalates quickly & one of us breaks up with the other, takes our stuff back & then fast forward a few days... one of us breaks down & asks the other one to come back. The other always goes back. We really do love & care about each other but people always tell me that that is a bad sign to have broken up so many times (about 10 in 3 years, the longest split lasted 5days) but that also means we have only fought 10 times in 3years. Does anyone have any experience with a situation like this? Did it work out long term or not?

Answer 1

Compatibility, communication & understanding is the key, my dear.

There must be a lot of misunderstanding, resentment & frustration built-up in both of you. So both of you tend to blow up at the slightest trivial matter. There's alot of issues building up there.

Cool down, relax, take it slow... Talk it out when both of you are in the mood. Do both of you see any future in the relationship?

If no due to mainly incompatibility reasons, then don't waste time & effort over it at all.

If yes, then both of you have to put in that extra effort to communicate & understand each other to minimize misunderstanding / disagreement / argument / fight etc.

Since both of you love & care each other, sit down & talk nicely over the issues that's bothering the both of you. If there's too many issues all at once, clear one by one, both of you will feel lighter & happier. And also glad that both of you working it out for the best of your relationship & won't feel short-changed.

Always remind each other of the love & support you've for each other. Don't get all angry / frustrated / depressed / upset over the discussion without reassurances of love. Say things like "I love you, dear. In fact, I adore you. I know you love me too. We both care for each other. Let's make it work & fight less. I'm here for you. I hope you're here for me too. Let's work it out." Give him a BIG hug, if appropriate. *smiles*

Remember, guys primary love needs are "adoration", "admiration" & "appreciation". If those meets are met, they'll won't feel ignored / unappreciated / frustrated / depressed / stressed etc.

Handle your relationship with care. FRAGILE - HANDLE WITH CARE. Don't break it into a million pieces for nothing. All the hurt & pain from all the breakups will add-up if not resolved or at least discussed. Work it out, one by one, and take time to heal all the wounds, one by one, together. Nurse each other with love, support & understanding. And both of you will recover & be refreshed in your relationship.

Answer 2

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Answer 3

There is obviously a lot of love there for you to keep getting back together. It sounds to me like you need to learn the correct way to argue. No joke! There are childish ways (like yours) and there are adult ways.

Psychologist have an argument style that takes a lot of the emotions out. If the argument doesn't get too emotional, you should not go through the "split up and get back part."

Here is what they suggest: DO NOT argue when you are really upset about something! (Doesn't sound right does it?) Tell your partner that you are too up set to talk right now. Actually schedule a time to talk about the issue when you are calmed down. Maybe the next morning, later in the day, what ever works best for you.

The whole idea is to talk about issues in a calm frame of mind so no one blows up and leaves. If you and your partner feel the discussion escalating to a fight, then just call a time out and try again the next day. Sometimes the things you were most upset about seem ridiculous the next morning.

Talk this over with your partner and give it a try. Your old way doesn't seem to be working, so what could it hurt?

Answer 4

That breaking up to make can be nice if its far few and in between, however in your case it seems it's getting to be excessive and unhealthy for the relationship. Constant breaking up is not the answer. You have to figure out what th problem really is. If you can't mantain a simple relationship then how can you survive in a marriage. You can't break up with other like that whe you get married. One of you will have to be more mature. Stop the cycle. If it comes to that point again I would implement some ground rules before continuing on with the relationship.

Answer 5

You could work it out but I would suggest a therapist...I am serious if you really want to be together you both need counseling..It is not good to be separated all the time......You need to get this under control before you have children, because this constant leaving and coming back is only going to confuse the child and he or she will not feel secure
My first husband would get drunk pick a fight and then send me back home so if I ever wanted to go home for a visit I would just piss him off. Our marriage lasted a year and a half....go figure

Answer 6

I met my wife in 87, she was 14, I was 18. We broke up multiple times the first 10 years we were together, usually for a couple months at a time. We got married in 98, have a 2 year old son, and are doing fine.
So that's my life, for what it's worth.

Answer 7

The simple answer is your not an ex by accident!, Trivial things should be just that TRIVIAL. If every argument escalates, what are your issues ( yours or his). Nothing can be that bad, if so, wrong time, wrong place, and wrong person.

Answer 8

learn to communicate. as long as it is not something Principal, like ling, cheating, don't take the argument too seriously.

Answer 9

just STOP!!!!!! once u hurt each other its never the same.. move on