What is the best thing that I can say to my best friend who's baby died tragically?

Answer 1

tell em ull always be there for em

Answer 2

Its not what you say, its how you listen that is important. There's no wrong thing to say, because the words are not as important as your listening precense.

If you simply say, "I was so sorry to hear about you losing baby. Is there anything I can do for you? How are you doing?" In the Jewish tradition, people bring homecooked food. I think that's nice. Offering to help with something is quite nice, but only necessary if you think she needs it. Mourning makes for bad housekeeping as you can probably imagine.

Give your friend a chance to talk about the loss. A good friend can be there for tears, and you should let your friend cry without fear that you are getting uncomfortable. It's one of closest moments you can share - and you definitely do not want to miss it. For me, it separates a friend from an acquaintence. You'll grow closer and your friend will heal faster and better.

One of the creepy things I have encountered are people to evade mentioning a big loss at all. I guess it's not really creepy, just unexpected and sad. It separated me from people when I had a loss, and I thought that the person didn't need to be so cold.

Anyway, I hope these help. Don't miss the opportunity to talk about her loss, and never feel guilty about bringing it up. The more she thinks about it, the further along she will get.

Most people want to hear your condolences as a check-in actually, just like saying hello. Believe me, it twists you up more than them. They are in the middle of it, so your condolences are hardly the weighty event you perceive to be.

The thing about grieving is that it's unavoidable. It can't be repressed.

PS... I am reading some of the other comments about "don't mention it" and I would say "maybe, if its a miscarriage or a two day old"...but that's really a long shot. Put yourself in your friend's shoes and ask" would I rather cry or hold back tears?" I think you can answer that yourself.

Answer 3

sometimes it isnt best to think of ways to explain it all away. I know you get tempted to try to make the person feel better by saying things like "he's in a better place" and crud, but it really doesn't help. Either that person believes that or maybe not, you telling them that doesn't help though. For me, I prefer just being quiet and letting them do all the talking, and in the right moment offering a long heartfelt hug. It helps to acknowledge what they are feeling because they think nobody really knows. Maybe you can say something like, " I know you are going through hell, this has to be the worst pain anyone can experience. nothing I say will make it better, but I can listen. If you need me , even in the night, just call me. I'll be there for you. "

Answer 4

This may sound crazy,

But don't mention the baby! She's heard enough about how sorry everyone is and she doesn't need to be reminded all the time. Unless she brings it up, stay away from it. The best thing you could do is help her get back to normal. You can help by just being yourself. do the things that you would do if she hadn't had the tragedy. This can be hard for you to do if you carry sympathy in your smile, so be yourself.

If she does bring it up, listen to her.............. then take her mind elsewhere.

"both of you are in my prayers"

Answer 5

When this happened to two of my friends, I first allowed them some alone time to gather their thoughts and get themselves somewhat together. Then, I made sure to tell them that I was there for them for ANYTHING that they needed...from a shoulder to cry on to cleaning and cooking. I allowed them to do the talking and I never used phrases like "It will be okay", or "I'm sorry." Just "be there" in all the ways that you can, he/she will let you know what they need. It is great to know that this person has a concerned friend like you..... Best wishes.

Answer 6

i think i might know the answer! in january 2004 i had a son that passed away..im only 20 years old..but i still would make a great mother..all you have to do is be there.. let them know that you really care.. tell them that the child is in a better place and that god wanted that baby to be his little angel!..theres no better place than to be in heaven with no problems and no worries! beleive me..it was hard for me to get over it but FRIENDS are the main reason that i made it through! good luck and best wishes! let me know how things work out.. [e-mail]

Answer 7

I'm so sorry that your friend has lost their baby. I, too, lost a child. Some of the things that people said to me, really helped. First tell her that the first tear that fell when her baby died, fell from God's eyes. Tell her that you will remember her baby forever. Tell her that you are willing to carry her sorrow. And everyday, tell her that you love and care for her.

Answer 8

One thing you don't want to say is "I know how you feel." Because the truth is, even if you have lost someone close to you, you don't know how she/he feels. Sometimes its good to admit that you don't know what to say. Just letting them know that you are there and willing to listen can be helpful.

Another thing- don't say "You can always have another baby." While that may be true, they aren' thinking of that now. They want the baby they had.

Hope this helps!

Answer 9

Just be with her, console her with every possible nice word. Take her for an outing so that she slowly forgets.
But, whatever it may be, it is very difficult to do anything during this time. Nobody can do anything except time. Time is the solution and till she gets another baby for her self.

Answer 10

Tell her how sorry you are and that you are there to listen if she needs to talk. and then just do that. dont pressure her but be there. call her every couple of days just to chat. bring her little gifts (not flowers IMO) that will brighten her day. try to get her out of the house. if she wants you to go to the grave site with her, go.

if you arent prepared to do these things dont tell her that you are there if she needs you. dont be fake. just say you are sorry for her loss. keep it simple. and for god sake dont say anything like "it was God's will". even if you believe that she won't want to hear it and it wont help.

Edit to Jay above. You are an idiot.

Answer 11

ask her how shes doing. if youre not getting anything, stop. shell come to you when shes ready.
should the question come up while shes with you - 'why did the baby have to die?', you can say that the baby went to go be with god.
other than that, just listen, be the shoulder. offer to do things for her - cook, pick up dry cleaning, clean up around a place in case thats been left aside. it may also be nice to ask her 'may i hold you?' if you think she needs it.