should I tell my mom that I'm gay if she is a devoted christian? I know that she might not take it that bad but I am afraid that she will tell my stepfather. He is completely against the lgbt community. I am afraid that if he finds out, he will tell everyone else in my family and they won't accept me. What should I do?
2006-08-04 15:41:18 · 38 answers · asked by dannyboy 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
I am 14 and still live at home
2006-08-04 16:02:33 · update #1
Never, but never force a parent to choose. That is a pissing contest that both parent and you will lose.
My Mum's religion is important and it means that she is preparing her soul for heaven. But with her beliefs is a daughter who is a lesbian. She accepts my partner and actually treats her more like another daughter. But there must always be love, honesty, giving, and taking; then you can have the same thing I have.
2006-08-10 20:45:59 · answer #1 · answered by Sasha 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dannyboy, Be very careful about coming out to your folks while you're still living under their roof. You can hope for the best, but prepare for the worst. If it doesn't go well, some kids have gotten thrown out. So prepare. Call around and talk to some people at the gay centers, gay club at school, pflag.org ( a wonderful educational, supportive national group that supports both the gay (glbt) person and his/her family/friends). Find adults you can trust so that when it's time to talk to your folks, you'll have somebody in your corner. That's why PFLAG is great. You don't have to do this alone. Be prepared that once you start coming out to one person in the family, you don't have any idea how that person will react nor what she/he will do with the news. You might tell your mom and she will be supportive and keep the news for a while. That's a helluva burden to give her - to keep the info from your father. Is it necessary for you to come out now? Wait as long as you can until you have made some plans --like where you will go if your folks go bonkers. I, of course, hope that they will be the loving parents they're supposed to be but religion does something to the brain and church-going people can't think rationally, not about being gay.
So start preparing. Ask some questions around the house- like what do you think of.... See what their reactions are. That will give you an idea of what to expect. Also remember that sometimes parents will say it's ok for 'those' people but they go nuts when they find out the person is their own son. Get some reading info from PFLAG for yourself and for your parents and start checking out adults - not gay necessarily - but gay supportive- who will help you thru this. My best to you, sweetie. Always be careful. Have fun. Enjoy your life. Once you're old enough, to get out on your own, it will be easier. AND remember , we are special. Only 10%. Don't let anyone put you down. xxxxxooooo
2006-08-11 18:57:24 · answer #2 · answered by reme_1 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm 20. 14 honestly seems a little young (not that you don't know for yourself, but that they might have a harder time hearing it from you). If you are CERTAIN that you're not going to be financially cut off, or kicked out of the house, or (arguably worse) dragged off to some "straight-camp", you might consider it. I WOULD assume that she would probably tell your stepfather. My first suggestion would probably be to wait a few years; you'll be more comfortable (and have more friends who know and can support you) and you'll probably have a better idea as to how they'll react. Whenever you do decide to do that, I always tell people to think of THE WORST possible thing that their parents can do, and to have some sort of backup plan for if that thing happens. If your parents would possibly kick you out, then don't tell them unless you have a place lined up to live. Best of luck.
2006-08-05 14:47:29 · answer #3 · answered by Atropis 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmm... I believe there is a time and a place... and that yes ( when the time is right for you and your situation ) that you should tell them... not because they need to know... but for the sake of your own sanity... you will find that living a double life is both miserable and dishonest... you are pretty much pretending to be someone you are not... and that alone without taking into account the outside contributions to complicate things is hell...
eventually you will reach a point where you either want to be seen as "who you really are" and not who they want you to be or you will need to, to survive.. sexuality alone does not make a person.. it is only one detail the expresses who the person is and how they feel most comfortable in life
i suggest you not rush to tell them unless something comes up and you are in danger physically or emotionally at school or something and then you need to tell them as soon as you can. If that isnt an issue Id sit on it... think about it... 1. make sure this isnt something that is only going to be short term and that its not..sorry to use this term ( an experimental phase ) which we all go through in all aspects of life.
2. wait for the right time... I cant tell you when the right time for you will be... but trust me when i say... you will know when that time comes...that today is the day or it may even come right in the middle of a coversation or something..
good luck... think things through...try to think about how you will say it... what they may say and questions they may have... and prepare to be able to answer questions you are comfortable answering..
2006-08-04 16:00:06 · answer #4 · answered by Levi Cristopher . 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You didn't tell how old you are or whether you still live with your mom and step-father. I always advise young people who are still in school or still financially dependent on parents to take it easy on the rush to come out to parents until such time as you have finished school and you have a plan for where you would live if your step-father throws you out, or if life with him gets to unpleasant that you feel you have to leave.
Until then, you just don't need to bring any trouble down on yourself. Being out is a wonderful thing, if you can depend on your family for support (emotional as well as financial) or if you have a plan to get that emotional support somewhere else and you are able to financially support yourself. Otherwise, too many kids end up on the street and being used in a bad way because they had to leave home suddenly. BE CAREFUL
2006-08-04 15:57:31 · answer #5 · answered by michael941260 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was i a very similar situation not long ago. I decided to tell my family. At first they didn't accept it and claimed it made me capable of doing anything, even molesting my younger siblings. They said a lot of hurtful things to me not because they didn't love me but because they didnt understand it all. After the initial shock of everything they started asking questions to better understand the way I felt and why I chose the path I did. Presently things are back to normal and I couldnt be happier with my family.
I guess what I am saying is that if they truly love you, yes they will probably be upset but they will get past it. Good luck.
2006-08-11 10:01:15 · answer #6 · answered by tweetybird3083 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'd recommend that you don't come out to your mom until you are ready to accept anything and all that may happen. that is why i've waited to tell my family because i don't think that i am ready to possibly lose communication with my family yet. i don't know if i could handle the questions, the hate, the judgement and disappointment.
think about the worst case scenario and once you are prepared to accept that, open up to your mom. because one you're prepared, you'll feel like you're not afraid anymore and that you have nothing to lose.
personally, i've dropped hints (subtle) here and there and am actually waiting until someone from my family confronts me. that way, they ask once they're ready to find out and it won't be like a huge bomb
goodluck with whatever decision you make!
2006-08-08 08:01:40 · answer #7 · answered by Lady D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
being 14 is difficult by itself so being gay and 14, i don't even want 2 think about. Anyway I wouldn't say anything right now. it might take a while but I'll chill out 'til u are able to take of yourself just in case mad day do come. even though i doubt if your mom will kick u out. get a job or hobby 2 make time fly by. good luck.
2006-08-09 18:56:43 · answer #8 · answered by Tru 2 Myself 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are 14 and still dependent on your parents for support . It may be hard for you to keep the feelings you have hidden , but until you figure out the next step in your life and where you want to go with your life keep it to your self . You have 4 years until you are of legal age and will be off to college or living on your own , It will pass before you know it . Wait it out and bide your time until you can make your own decisions .
2006-08-04 16:25:57 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you should tell your mom. You will be much happier. I lived 25 years in the "closet" afraid of my families disapproval. It was horrible. I was extremely depressed. Two years ago, I got the gonads to reveal my sexuality. Surprisingly, my family was (and still is) very supportive. I've surpassed my depression ever since. One thing you have to remember. It's your life. You only live once. Live it to the fullest. Be out and proud!!!
2006-08-10 19:34:43 · answer #10 · answered by tala 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋