my marriage is not working well,now it has been a year we never engage with sex or any intimacy,we hardly communicate.its like we are together for the kids sake. I met a guy younger than me 6 months ago and now i end up having an affair with him and i realise we love each other so much. yes we do have our diffirent ways and character's but we do love each other. I now dont know what to do he is 20 and im 28. i cant imagin life without him.
2006-08-04 15:29:04 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This may be the problem with arranged marriages or did you two grow apart for some underlying reason? You may benefit by a marriage counselor to save what you have for your sweet children...to many people are not willing to give it a go through thin ck and thin.....I will be married 26 years next week...we had good and bad times and neither of us have strayed.....we married for better or worse and are true to our vows...please talk and try to air out what is wrong with the marriage....get rid of your infatuation with the young hottie "fling" that you picked up...you know it won't work out!!! Good luck.....I am lucky and found a man I love through good and bad times...death of family, a child, sickness...etc.....take your vows seriously woman and get back on the right track!!!!
2006-08-04 15:37:23 · answer #1 · answered by Sammyleggs222 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Difficult to advise but Am a bit concerned that you state that you have "different ways and character" and sure you're not confusing love with intimacy .? Are you able to support yourself and your 2 girls for even ,say you divorce and the court orders spousal and support for the 2 girls no guarantee he'll pay or even on time and if you're unable to support without his payment then first you need to begin getting yourself financially independent. Then talk to your husband and talk openly conc. your needs and the affair-perhaps he feels the same since it was also arranged marriage for him and he's willing to work things out amicably with divorce lawyers or wake-up call and you two can get marriage counseling. I wouldn't rush into divorce and then marriage with affair guy-does he want to marry you, is he financially able to support, love is not enough if the differences esp in character are major, will he love and raise your 2 girls as his own. A lot of issues here for not just you but also your daughters. You do deserve to be happy,to have a full satisfying relationship-do not sacrifice your life for children for they know if things not right and sometimes separation is better. Be sure the steps ahead are Right or you,Them and all involved. Wish you luck.
2006-08-04 15:44:46 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tough situation - many cultural issues are involved here too. I am not familiar with these to know what your culture or religion feels about this - but I would be honest with your husband that an arrange marriage was not working your you. perhaps if you want to work to fixing it - there is a path to this...but if that you feel despite the children - you would like to discuss a divorce and separation for the chance to formally officially date the other person - then you should work to this path.
You did not choose to marry this person, only to accept another's decision as it being best for you. If it was not the best - I cannot see how this could be held against you - but again- these are strong religious values you will be challenging.
Your age difference does not matter. Maturity is not a matter of age - but committment is critical to any relationship worthy of changing your children's lives over.
2006-08-04 15:35:59 · answer #3 · answered by Kerry Z 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to think about your commitment in the arranged marriage. Stop the affair because it's just causing you more problems. Don't use the affair to make a decision about your marriage. That is something different than just sex or love. It is a commitment to at least take care of the children. Spend some time to work out things with your husband before throwing him away.
2006-08-04 15:35:59 · answer #4 · answered by auntiegrav 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes. It is sad to heard such stories. And it it true that marriage is really like you are in HELL. Of course without the real fire burning around.... Not everyone is happily married as what it is told in bedtime stories books. Actually there is no happy ending in real life. So forget all the stupid stories books and tales.
It is not advisable to divorce as it will give a very huge impact to your children. Both of your children is still very young. Try to go as usual. Try not to speak or say anything that can hurt your husband feeling and make the matter worst
Try to do or follow what your husband want to do. Sometime life is really not fair but for the sake of the children you have no choice to choose.
2006-08-04 15:43:11 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why was your marriage in this state? Why weren't you and your husband speaking or having any relations for this long? There are definitely some things going on here that made you look elsewhere.
You will have to make a decision if you will get a divorce or not, you can't stay together for the kids. You have to stay together for you and your husband. By bringing this other guy into the scene, it's more complicated now. You'll have to decide what to do.
2006-08-04 15:41:34 · answer #6 · answered by trainer53 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
every action u take becomes ur responsibility. thats the first thing u have to know.
next, its either u get a divorce or keep it a secret. but as long as the secret goes on, u will never have peace of mind.
u need to talk to this new, young man if he is as committed to the relationship as you. bec if he is not, as he is very young, then u better stop this with him and maintain the family life u r into. get a dog.. it helps. and concentrate on ur kids.
talk to ur husband - this is a family thing and needs communication to be resolved, and if a divorce is also an option of ur husband, then go for it.
make sure ur not caught having an affair b4 the divorce or u lose custody of ur kids (depends on country law).
think many times b4 u act - now and the future.
anything said and done can never be taken back.
2006-08-04 15:37:58 · answer #7 · answered by The Punisher 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ooo thats tough, Stay for the kids, does your kids love their real father? If they do! stay together for the kids sake. If you are selfish and dont care what the kids want, then go for what the heart wants. Most kids believe that when their parents seperate, they think that its their fault. Just becareful about your move. Sex isnt everything, maybe you should spice things up a bit, get those memories back. Like in Desperate House Wives... Like Bree and the husband.
2006-08-04 15:34:33 · answer #8 · answered by vaiosoft 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depend on lot more than just age, I think what two person looking for from each other,is more important.I think when it comes to marriage, I think we need to go down a list like shopping for a house. check each items the kitchen, bathrooms , bedrooms, backyard,drive way and etc. I found many people married a dummy So don't judge a book by its cover
2016-03-26 23:38:25 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to come clean with your husband about your feelings for him. If you feel like your marriage is over then it is only fair to be up front about that, you may or maynot choose to divulge your affair to your husband that is your business, but you can't stay together for the kids, that just makes things worse and then your children will not get a chance to see what a real loving marriage is suppose to be like and how are they ever going to know what to look for themselves. You owe your family that much! Not to mention yourself.
2006-08-04 15:34:48 · answer #10 · answered by KO 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋