I have cheated on him several times...what should I do?

2 ⤊

I have cheated on him several times...what should I do?

While my husband was away in Iraq...I cheated on him several times...with different people. I have no clue why I did it and have no feelings towards those people whatsoever. I feel really guilty about it, but I know if I tell him...he would leave me. I love him to death...and I wish I could take back the past. I don't know what to do! On top of that, my best friend (well, I thought she was my friend) is threatening to tell him what I did because she is upset at me over something stupid. My whole world is crumbling down around me...I know it is my fault...and I am probably just feeling sorry for myself...but, I want to know if there is a possible way to fix all of this. Our marriage is great right now...except my guilty feelings....

2006-08-04 14:51:04 · 44 answers · asked by Julia 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce

2006-08-04 15:09:44 · update #1

For those of you who had questions. We got married a year ago, but dated for two years prior. We have no kids. This all happened in the months of April and May and has NOT happened since then. And, I have never cheated on him before.

2006-08-04 15:24:03 · update #2

44 answers

I know that you're feeling guilty because he was over in Iraq fighting. Hopefully he isn't nothing like my husband. He cheated with some of the female soldiers over there with him. I know your catching hell and being called out of your name right now, but please believe that not all the soldiers over there are angels. I don't want to make it seem like your husband would do you the same way my husband did me, but just maybe he did. As far as should you tell him maybe old saying, "what he don't know want hurt him" is true. I don't know why you did it maybe you was lonely, but just follow your heart. If it tells you to come clean then do it. If your heart is says don't tell it, repent, and take it to your grave. Oh, and don't do it anymore, stay faithful this time.

2006-08-04 17:45:00 · answer #1 · answered by Good2Go 2 · 2⤊ 2⤋

You need to be honest. If you've picked up an STD from these people he's going to find out anyway.

I realize you're an army wife and probably can't afford it, but you need to seek professional help. You may have a sexual addiction or be suffering from major depression. See if you can get in with a psychiatrist for a diagnosis and treatment. This kind of behavior isn't normal.

As far as your friend is concerned, she won't have anything to blackmail you with if you just tell him. Drop her like a bad habit.

Then get both you & your husband in marriage counseling when he gets back. He'll likely need therapy anyway, considering where he is.

If you really value your marriage, you will show him and tell him daily the regret you feel, and expect him to be angry and try to make you feel worse. But if you love him, take the lumps.

If he decides this is divorce-worthy, there really isn't much you can do. You did violate the whole purpose of your marriage. Try to be dignified about the whole thing, and continue to seek treatment.

If he sticks with you and you stay in therapy, the anger and resentment will fade. He will likely eventually forgive you. It just takes time.

2006-08-04 15:03:58 · answer #2 · answered by mom2babycolin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋

the only truthful thing to do is tell him the total truth. I know you probably feel scared too death, but it will be much better to hear it from you. And not someone else, especially your "so-called" best friend. Because he may think she's only trying to start trouble for the both of you. Number one; how long has he been gone; not that makes it any better? #2, you need to be able to talk without any interruptions or distractions, and explained how lonely you were; which I'm sure he was too! #3, who knows he may need to confess something to you,too. Because I'm sure he had moments, also; in between all the "Hell" he was going thru over there. But if your marriage is worth saving, this I feel in my heart is the only true way to get on with your lives together. You never said how long you have been married or if there are any children involved. I'm praying for you and hope everything works out for the both of you.

2006-08-04 15:09:04 · answer #3 · answered by LoveChild 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋

Doesn't seem to be much of a friend if their using it against you.
My advice, tell him..get the worst part over with before he find's out from someone else..
What'll seem worse.. hearing it from a "friend" or from his wife.
Knowing that you kept it from him, could make the situation uglier.
You should be the first to tell him, and give him time, tell him about the situation, and how it was a mistake, ppl make mistakes.
I'm not saying it was something that's ok..however I do know where your coming from..they say once a cheater, always a cheater? I have cheated on my boyfriend at the time, and I regret it deeply now.. he did forgive me.
Unfortunately.. I was a care free bit It didn't work out between us in the end for other reasons.
I did get into another relationship after him, and I was engaged, and throughout I haven't cheated, and I wouldn't of been able to think on cheating.. however.. Karma I think kicked me in the @ss cause he was the unfaithful one.

2006-08-04 15:45:17 · answer #4 · answered by xx_ladyxluck_xx 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋

We all make mistakes in our lives and in order to fix the mistakes that we have made we should come clean. You may lose your marriage over this BUT you will feel better in the long run for at least telling him. About the friend thing if your friend really does tell him he might be even more upset from hearing it from her than from you. If she tells him then he might feel embarrassed and then you will have a better chance of losing him for good. They say the truth always has it's ways of coming out. Also think if the shoe was on the other foot would you want to know? Hang in there and Good luck

2006-08-04 15:42:23 · answer #5 · answered by jazzy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋

i hate the idea of dumping on someone but seriously u got to get your **** together and fess up. u say the marriage is great right now but not bc the guilty feelings so basically the marriage sucks because he's in the fantasy land thinking everything is fine when u are in reality and know everything is f****ed. So no one is really happy. Bc he doesn't know the truth and you've been unfaithful.
Ok but ur best friend shouldn't be threatening u bc it's not her business and she needs to stay out of it and not become apart of this problem u've created for yourself.
You need to do the right thing NOW. if u wait too long it'll be worse. And if u love him u wouldn't want for him to live this lie with you.
Girl tell the truth and pray he forgives you. if he doesn't, well, you know what u've done and not to do it next time around. TELL HIM. If not for yourself for his sake if u really love him. don't be unfair and needy and lie so you can keep him, how unfair and selfish is that.

2006-08-04 15:16:15 · answer #6 · answered by Arnie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋

Honesty is the best policy. Do you want a marriage based on lies with this secret tearing you up inside...not to mention your "friend" holding it over your head? The best thing to do is confess. He will likely be pissed off...he may even end the marriage. But it is better that he hears it from you than from a third party; that will make it even worse for him. You might be able to work it out, and my best wishes go out to you in the hope that you do. But he has a right to know the truth either way so he can make this decision...and you need to be mature enough to face up to your mistakes so that you can move forward with your life.

2006-08-04 14:58:43 · answer #7 · answered by NA 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋

I have been cheated on and it hurts. I don't know what to tell you except that you need to fess up and it's going to hurt. I think the fact that he lied to me so long hurt the most and I felt like I had done something or I'm so unattractive I drove him to it. We have worked past it. I didn't think I could but we did I love him very much and I think we are better people now. I wish you the best and pray for you. I do believe you when you say you love him.He may forgive you. God Bless

2006-08-04 15:25:06 · answer #8 · answered by LJ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋

Be honest with him and tell him the truth. Yes, he will be hurt and angry, but no one will be any harder on you then you will be on yourself, especially if you truly love him and are sorry for what you did. He deserves to be told, and also know you will have to earn his trust back if he forgives you and stays with you. Tell him before anyone else does. Many people have made a bad choice or mistake,but not all are honest about them. Let him know how much you love him, and DON'T EVER CHEAT ON HIM AGAIN. Pray he forgives you,but know he will bring it up for a long time. I know you are ashamed and wish you hadn't made the choice you made. Just make sure you tell him now

2006-08-04 19:13:52 · answer #9 · answered by nativeamericantay 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋

Life doesn't always turn out like you want it. But that doesn't mean it didn't turn out like it was supposed to. Think about what you would want him to do. Tell you or keep it a secret. If you cheated on him 3 times maybe your subconscious is trying to tell you something.
Tell him what you told everyone else. Don't expect him to forgive you right away or at all. If you go on, that guilty feeling will haunt you. You will build a marriage on paper instead of brick.
If he doesn't accept you, than that was meant to be. If he does...obviously try and gain his trust back, and don't cheat on him anymore.

2006-08-04 14:59:33 · answer #10 · answered by Anne 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋