Question for child psychologists to answer please? About child with two family groups?

Question

My 3-yr-old son spends 3 nights/week with his father's family, a big house with 3 other boys of varying parentage, with rabbits, dogs, cats, two motorbikes, landrovers, all these great things; and four nights/ week with me, his mother. I don't have all those material advantages, and nor do I have that big family; usually at home it's just me. I think he would be better off with that large family environment, but I don't want him to miss me too much or to feel rejected if I suggest he spend more time at his dad's house. What can you tell me about these two-home, two-family issues regarding such a young child? Any expert information would be tremendously appreciated, as I think about the whole thing quite a lot and I am anxious to do what's best for my son.

Thank you all for your help so far. I just wanted to add that I know material things are just things, but remember that things have a big impact on feelings. Our thoughts and feelings are affected by our surroundings and experiences, and those with money provide a different level of experience.

Answer 1

Your son needs unconditional love, secure relationships, and a relatively predictable schedule. He also needs his mom and his dad.

There are clear benefits of him spending time in each situation. I think that the arrangement you have for him now is quite balanced. As long as he seems happy and is getting his needs met, I dont see any reason to change anything.

I definitely do not think that you should sacrifice time with him just so he can spend more time with his father.

If you have any other questions or want to talk more, please email me.

Answer 2

I am certainly no doctor, but just because his father has "material" things doesn't mean it is better for him to live there. You're his mother - I am sure you do things for him that could never compare with his father. There's nothing wrong with him living with you because you don't have "things". Some of the best "things" are really not things at all - going to the park together, staying up late and watching a movie, doing a puzzle together, going out for ice cream together. The list goes on and on.

You should concerate on just being the best mother you can and enjoy your special time with your son doing things you both enjoy.

Good luck.

Answer 3

I think that you should, only if you cannot properly provide for your son! Material things....that's all they are! If you can give him a stable home life, than go for it. Teach him the more important things in life, such as how to love, to study, responsibility, manners....etc.

But, only you can truely decide what you should do. You know your situation! He's only three years old, he's not going to completely understand if you ask him if he wants to spend more time at his dad's. And don't put him into adult situations! Good luck, and God bless!

Answer 4

I may not be a child psychologist, but am a mother of 2 boys and a step mother to 4 boys. I'm sure he has alot of fun at his Dad's, but I feel every boy needs...and wants his Mom. Why can't he have the best of both worlds? I'm anxious to hear what others say about this. Good Luck to you and your boy.

Answer 5

A three year old's mental health should never be gauged on material things, only on what emotional support and stability can be provided. He may think he wants the material lifestyle, being three I doubt it, but what he needs is guidance and attention to him and how he feels.

Answer 6

I think you should talk to a counselor yourself, the tone of your message hits me like you don't have the confidence in yourself to take care of your son. You're his mom. It will shatter his world if he suddenly feels like you don't want him around, which may be something you're already projecting. A therapist, in person, would be better able to address your concerns.

I'm also eager to hear others opinions on this..