Can a gay become a man again -sexually?

Question

Heterosexual ,then bisexual ,then in a relationship with a man for many years and now not knowing what he wants or what he is ,he is trying to change his life.Is that possible and how can someone help him?

It's not about me.It's about the man i love.He says he loves me.It has nothing to do with his image ,he doesn't care for children.I don't know what to believe.You are all being very helpfull.Thank you.

Answer 1

Since the decision to be homosexual in the first place was based on choice, of course it is possible to make a different choice.

Dr. Robert L. Spitzer is a brave man.

He was a brave man back in 1973 when, as a member of the American Psychiatric Association's Task Force on Nomenclature, he met with gay activists. As a result of his intervention, the APA, while rejecting the argument that homosexuality is "a normal variant of human sexuality," agreed it "does not necessarily constitute a disorder."

He was an even braver man this week when he reported the results of a new study of 200 "ex-gays": "(S)ome people can change from gay to straight, and we ought to acknowledge that," as he told the Associated Press.

Sixty-six percent of the men and 44 percent of the women studied achieved what he terms "good heterosexual functioning," a sustained loving and sexually satisfying relationship with a partner of the opposite sex, as well as never or rarely fantasizing about somebody of the same sex. Dr. Spitzer's sample was not random. He cannot tell us what proportion of motivated homosexuals could achieve normal sexual relationships with members of the opposite sex.

Research into effective voluntary therapies for same-sex attraction disorder receives very little funding and a surprising amount of professional intimidation. Even so, these results are remarkable.

Certainly gay activists think so. "I'm appalled, absolutely appalled -- it's not scientific," psychologist Barbara Warren of Manhattan's Lesbian and Gay Service Center told the New York Post. Then she shifted into totalitarian high gear: "I cannot believe Columbia would allow any of its professors to do anything like this."

Gay activists have staked their political claims to normalization of unisex marriage and relationships on the race analogy: Sexual orientation is not a "lifestyle choice"; it is a fixed, unchangeable, probably biological characteristic. To anyone with even a cursory knowledge of sexual orientation research, this position is no longer scientifically tenable. Research on identical twins, for example, reveals varying rates of "concordance," but usually well under 50 percent. Though there may be some biological influences, scratch the idea of a gay gene.

Another 1997 longitudinal study of bisexual men found that over a one-year period, 17 percent of the men had moved toward a heterosexual self-identity (compared to 34 percent who had moved toward a homosexual self-identification). As lead author Joseph Stokes put it: "We also acknowledge that changes in sexual feelings and orientation over time occur in all possible directions."

Leading researcher on lesbian parenting Charlotte Patterson pointed out in the November 2000 Journal of Marriage and the Family: "... mounting evidence suggests that, particularly for women, sexual identities may shift over time." A 1997 poll of readers of The Advocate (a major gay publication) found that 54 percent maintained either that "Sexual orientation can change" or that "We are all bisexuals." And in the April issue of American Sociological Review, Judith Stacey and Timothy Biblarz acknowledge that "Some lesbians relinquish lesbian identities to marry; some relinquish marriage for a lesbian identity. ... Sexual desires, acts, meanings and identities are not expressed in fixed or predictable packages." Exactly.

I believe there is rather powerful evidence that human beings are a two-sex species, designed for sexual rather than asexual reproduction. If this is true, then the absence of desire for the opposite sex represents, at a minimum, a sexual dysfunction much as impotence or infertility. Human beings seeking help in overcoming sexual dysfunctions deserve our respect and support (and may I mention, President Bush (news - web sites), more research dollars?).

On the moral plane, I believe that no human being can be reduced to his or her sexual impulses. Desire in itself cannot license us to act, nor can our impulses compel our behavior or identities without our consent. I cannot be defined by that for which I lust, unless I choose to be. In this sense (and this sense alone), a homosexual or heterosexual identity is a choice, for which (like all our choices) we must accept responsibility.

Advocates for treating same-sex relations as a normal, equally desirable, human variant must begin making real moral, and not bogus scientific, arguments.

Source: http://dailynews.yahoo.com/h/ucmg/20010510/cm/fixing_sexual_orientation_1.html

Answer 2

The most important thing for you to remember is that it was not your fault. He was the adult. He is the responsible one. Is it too late to tell your family. Do not have anything to do with him. The adult always makes the child feel badly. It is important that you get counseling. It will help you deal with this. There are groups of men who get together to discuss their child abuse and learn NOT to do it to another child. Forget about the whys. You can not figure out why someone did something evil. Forget about the guilt. He was the guilty party. Forget feeling sorry for him. He had a choice to do what he did. He made the wrong choice. Forget about why you might have been targeted. You were available. It is time for YOU to get healthy, to really like yourself, to get past all those bad memories. Take care of yourself. Life is short and there is no time to dwell on all the hurt from the past. Be happy now. If you feel you are gay, contact the gay help line or gay center. HUGS

Answer 3

Of course. Homosexuality is a choice. Is is just sexual deviance. The thing is that many women will not accept a man who has lived that sort of life style. I know I would not. But he can. He would have to be sure that his desire for men is no more and get with an open minded woman. He has to be totally honest about who he is and what he wants. We do not need any in the closet husbands/boyfriends!

Answer 4

I believe some men go through a phase where they have been living a gay lifestyle,but that was not really who they were inside.
I have seen this in my family on a personal level,and if he really is gay, it's just a matter of time before he reverts back to his old self.
You can not fool the inner man.

Answer 5

I guess that depends on his own biphobia. People don't like to think that they might be bi and face the vilification from both the straight and gay communities. I'm a bi woman newlywed to a bi man. This year was our first pride together. We're both very straight leaning, but we both have been in a same sex relationship. We just knew we had found the right one for us in each other.

Answer 6

Just because one is bi or gay......does not mean they are any less of a man... as far as the details of your question... anything is possible with anyone... we are all different and we all change over time in many ways... so things we may enjoy/prefer right now may not be 5 yrs down the road...or even 1 yr...

Answer 7

"Can a Gay become a man again"???? What were you in the meantime? I am Gay and have always been a man...sorry you feel so badly about yourself...perhaps a few visits to a shrink are in order. YOu have a very bad self image. Good luck

Answer 8

i dont think that i fully understand the ?, just becuase ur gay doesnt mean ur not a man! if you are attracted to women then yes it is possible to to stop being in relationships with men....but it will always be there in ur mind! u cant simply get rid of bing gay! you can be bisexual! but you cant just up and say..."im cured and im not gay" its not how it works!! i have a friend who doesnt engage in sex with men anymore becuase he choose to be with a woman he loved but i have talked to him. he still has the feeling and attractions toward men he just doesnt act on these feelings!!

Answer 9

When does a gay man stop being a man in the first place?

Answer 10

That's a funny question. You think because you're doing a man you're not a man? How much do YOU press?

Sure it's possible. Google "Kinsey". Some people's orientations drift during their whole lives.