Am I too over-protective?

Question

I have a 14th month old girl,Raynah. Shes a very social baby...a real explorer. I have been told on too many occasions that I'm being to over protective!! I make sure she has a life jacket on AND sits in a baby tube when we go to the beach. I will not let her eat beef,or gelatin..(since im trying to go Veg myself) and I've read TERRIBLE things about them..*shudder*. I still feed her jar food ..I'm afraid she'll choke..ppl tell me shes ready for real food..which she does get..just not everything I eat. I NEVER set her down in public places..I'm afraid shell run off and get taken by some wierdo..even tho I'm VERY watchful..all it takes is 1 second!! I tell ppl that "the cost is too great" if anything were to happen to my Raynah...and I could have prevented it...I wouldnt be able to live with myself!! What do you think? over overprotective..or careful?

Answer 1

Perhaps a tad bit overprotective, but I do not see any problems with it. You already recognize that you need to expand her menu a bit. At 14-months, she needs to eat mostly solid food. Keep some of the bottled baby food on hand for when she is sick or when you do not have time to put together a meal. For routine meals, feed her healthy foods the same as you do yourself. Talk to your pediatrician about putting your baby on a vegetarian diet, as you deprive her of some of the fundamental proteins needed for proper growth. Her pediatrician will give you ideas on what your baby needs, and what foods other than meat to meet her dietary needs.

The seatbelt thing is one of those good “bad habits.” I do not put the car in gear until everyone in the car has made her or his seatbelt “click!” This applies to adults as well as children. If someone prefers not to wear a seatbelt, I invite him or her to step out of the vehicle.

Your caution about not putting her down in public places is, unfortunately necessary in today’s world. You must balance that with the child’s need to learn and experience life around them. A few years ago, when we took our toddler into stores, we kept him in the buggy, or carried him everywhere. As he became heavier, we began to let him walk around with us. When he grew old enough to understand instructions, we told him that he must always be where he could see us. We also kept a running dialog going with him as he meandered around the clothing trees in department stores. He also had to reply to his name the first time we said it, otherwise he had to hold our hand in the store for the rest of the shopping trip. This worked well for us as we stressed the importance of safety without making him paranoid about people. We gave him permission early on to tell adults “NO!” if they tried to get him to go with them.

He turns eight in October, and we still use those rules when in public. He also knows to refuse to get in the car with anyone that picks him up from school unless they live in the same house as us. That includes if his grandparents, aunts, uncles, or close family friends come to the school to get him. Unless he knew about plans for them to get him after school, he knows one of us will pick him up after school.

At about the age of four, we began teaching him our home phone number, cell phone numbers, address, names, places of work, etc. We made games out of it by trying to “trick” him to say the wrong thing. An example is one of us would say our phone number is 123-4567, and he would correct us and tell us the correct number. Nobody tell his mom, but he also knows just where to hit a guy if he ever needs to run from a threat.

Obviously, your little girl is too young for most of that, so keeping her with you 100% of the time while out in public is the only safe way to do things. Never leave her in a shopping buggy, even for ten seconds. Never leave her sitting in her stroller when your back is turned. Try to think like a creep so that you know what might happen in different situations. You have to be careful not to let that caution grow into a paranoia that your girl detects. You want her to have fun in public while being safe at the same time. As she grows and begins walking and wants to push the envelope, you must allow her to do so, but you must also keep her from ripping the envelope.


Good luck!

Will D
Enterprise AL
http://www.notagz.com

Answer 2

You are taking it a little too far. Being careful is one thing, but the main thing that i am concerned about it the baby food. She is 14m old! If you are worried about her choking than make sure her food is bite size, with not sharp edges (like chips, etc), and take a CPR class. However, if you continue to just feed her baby food you are going to make her sick and her little tummy will never learn to process real food. In some instances, what you see as protecting her, is actually harming her! Would you rather her grow up to be a shut-in and have a social disorder (ie: a complex about being around strangers and being public) simply because you couldn't put her down? You need to teach her to be a critical thinker, but she will never have this chance if you are always taking the chance for thought, exploration, and simply growing up away from her. Loving your child and being cautiose is GREAT, just don't over do it. I don't let my kids go outside without me EVER, for the fear od being taken. However to never let them go outside would cheat them of a better life. Which is what we want our children to have in the end right? The best life possible???? And that cannot be accomplished if she is never allowed to enjoy or partake in that life! Rethink your strategies, and your reasoning! I'm afraid that the issues may be a little more deepseeded. For as you said, you could not live without her, well of course not. But to deny your child the fullest life possible is a little shelfish don't you think? As she gets older she will resent you for it as well. Of course always be cautios, but that does not mean that you need to deny her the joys in life and of growing up and of simply being a kid! Good luck, and try to find a happy medium!

Answer 3

A little of both. :-)

At 14 months old, she can probably handle pretty much any table food that you are eating. Make sure it's tender and in bite sized pieces. Obviously supervise her while she eats.

NEVER sitting her down in public might be a little extreme. If you are watching her closely or holding her hand, you can put her down some. A little bit of supervised freedom can be a good thing. :-) I still wore mine in a sling a lot at that age though. You just have to be cautious about when and where you choose to let them have some freedom and, again, supervise closely.

Answer 4

i think possibly yes a bit over-protective, but i think you can find areas that you can cut back on slowly. for instance, maybe give her peas instead of the baby food kind, in places you know (and people know you and raynah) let her sit or even explore a little after all she needs to learn boundries sometime and when mommy says come back she has to etc. i think you are doing great and you will learn to "live a little" so to speak and raynah is going to be just fine! keep up the good work!

Answer 5

It's hard to say over protective because I'm a mom of three. But I do see somethings maybe "taking it a little too far". At least about the food thing , but everything else I can relate to because I love my kids more than anything in this world. I'm also protective but I do let them be individuals too.

Answer 6

Each of us evolves our own style of being a Mom or Dad. We will make choices- many each day- based on our gut feeling about the best way to be a parent.

The choices you describe sound wise to me and not overprotective, but, I also wouldn't call a Mom who gave her 14 month old all finger food a dangerous Mom.

You sound like a wonderful Mom.

from a grandma-aged person

Answer 7

ITS SOUNDS LIKE YOU ARE A LITTLE ... its normal!

however she is in the age of exploring , I have 3 yr old and I understand... she is the life of the party however if we are out I let her sit down on her own I just find (example ) a table where she will be safe and only I can get to her like booths... when you walk they have these bracelets that kind of look like cuffs but they make you feel so much more safe... as for food ... you have to let her explore her taste buds... she will be fine and not choke just cut things small enough for her not to choke on... give her all small things to eat... she will cough but its normal ... you know they choke off milk too if it goes down the wrong way... but you have to be prepared for anything like patting her back...

LET HER LIVE A LITTLE, YOU DONT WANT HER TO GROW UP TO BE PARANOID AND ANTI-SOCIAL BECOUSE SHE WILL BE AFRAID OF EVERYTHING JUST BECOUSE SHES NEVER DONE IT ... TRUST ME THE WORSE IS STILL TO COME AND ITS HER DATING (she will need you when she gets a broken heart, or when her friends stabbed her in the back).... LET HER FALL DOWN AND SHE KNOWS YOU WILL BE THERE TO HELP HER GET UP! ENJOY EACH OTHER AND YOU WONT REGRET IT... THEY GROW UP SO FAST ... TRUST ME!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 8

You are doing the best thing a mother could do!

She's only 14 months, there is no such thing as BEING OVER PROTECTIVE.(well for now anyways) You are only doing what any good parent would do, making sure little things don't become a dramatic ones. You are just preventing the worst. Raynah is world, your just doing it for her own good.

Keep up the good work!!

Answer 9

Yeah...pull back a bit...I mean life jacket at beach. Take it off...but be watchful. 14 months...she should be eating solids now. The meat thing...well that is just dietary preference. Your child will fall, will get a bruise, will get a cut. They will bump there head, they will bite their tounges. Point is you cannot stop all bad things from happening. So just be there for her when it does. And worry about the big ones.

Answer 10

i think a bit over protective...being protective is good, I'm over protective myself, but not to the point were you hinder there growth...my youngest is 16 months and eats steak and chicken even though i use to be a vegetarian for years, because they need the proteins.,..also baby food all the time at that age prob. isn't good for her. i never let my kids out of my site, I'm super careful near water....your right the cost is great..but it is a lot worse if you don't let them grow and explore a bit.

Answer 11

Honestly, you're abit too protective of Raynah... but I don't blame you, I have a 2 years old daughter and she is just like your Raynah, very social toddler and a real explorer(she loves to greet strangers and sometimes gives them a hug or flying kiss). I try to always protect her but according to my mom and aunties, she has to explore on her own to develop her brain and skills. Let her explore but before you do, make sure the surroundings and environment are safe for her age and is suitable for her. On public areas, hold on to her but while holding her let her explore, when she points to something bring her near to it, let her touch it... that would really help her to develop her brain and skills..Remember, Raynah's age is the time to explore, grow and develop.