whats going on in her head why would she do this?

Question

ok my ex walked out on me 6 mth ago. fine ok i have wanted to accept that however heres what has happened and am i right to be confused of her true feelings?
i still love her want to work it out.
she says one minute she does not know if she loves me then says she does not love me.
she says she does not want a relationship ever again with anyone.
she says there is no chance, then turns round and says she sometimes thinks it could work but i done this and that so no.
she hangs around with this guy on the internet and says there is nothing in it i have tried to be mature and accept there just friends but even still they together online all the time she wont even talk to me except about the kids online.
she first said it wasnt over but i had to leave her alone?
she then starts out of the blue been friends with me again i mention this guy and she then says look dont bother?

am i right her and this guy is maybes in love even though they have never met?if not why would she do this?

i am her friend, i always will be and i want to but i dont think i can hide my emotions about this other guy, he is some guy on the net for heavens sake, it upsets me and she still chooses him over me?
im sorry i want to but dont think i can deal with this.

my gut tells me something is going to come of it but she denys it should i follow my instincts? and walk away now befoire i get hurt?

i have to still see her cos we have kids but i mean emotionally walk away.
what if i was wrong though and we could of worked it out it really is messing me up.

Answer 1

I am going through the same thing. My wife left me and started playing this yo yo games with me. Forget it. Just walk away. It is tough, I know I am doing it and I have to do it. Life is complicated enough to add this bs into it. We also have child that turns 1 on Monday.

Walk away, or run if you have to to up put some distance between you two.

Answer 2

Internet relationships are emotionally deep. Look, she is not putting the effort. If two people in a relationship don't meet each other half way, then, the relationship is not going to work out. A relationship is a partnership. Both partners have to contribute the same. As far as your kids, be there for them. Be a great father, because they will always remember their childhood and the memories you built with them. There is someone out there for you. Your X is not that person.

Answer 3

It sounds to me that you need to move on. Yes, you have children, but they do not need such chaos and confusion with the two of you going back and forth. Your EX is your EX for a reason, and you need to keep it that way. You will always love each other, BUT that does not neccessarily mean you need to live together or be together. It's hard to be friends as well, start out being civil, but best friends, not likely. I always try to remember what made my EX and EX, and I all my doubts seem to vanish and dissapear.

I am sorry, and I am sure that was not what you wanted to hear, but I think you are better off moving on, and DO NOT let her back in just because you decide to see someone else, because she WILL get pissy and she WILL try to get you back long enough just to hurt you again.

Answer 4

well, tell her that she cant be playing around anymore and she needs to start taking your feelings more seriously. it is not okay for her to be talking to some guy on the internet while being with you, you should atleast be able to talk to the guy and make sure nothing is going on (would she like it if you were talking to some women online all the time and didnt involve you in it?) , dont be rude about it. if she doesnt agree to that than let her go and see her as a friend. tell her you love her but you are serious now and need to know if she really loves you and she cant be playing games anymore because you love her a lot and you want a serious relationship.

Answer 5

One thing is sure - Your wife is admitting to you that she is messed up. She does not want to be alone but not sure what she wants anymore. She is saying what many women hide.. Give her some credit because she probably really does not know if she wants you or not but does not want to lose you alltogether as a possibility.

I know it is not fair - and if that was my man - I would use that as the excuse to run and run far - but she probably needs some help figuring out what she wants for her self and for a mate. I would recommend she finds help from a girlfriend or anyone else then you. That just seems like pure tourture on you to be her friend when you feel so much more and she knows it.

Good luck

Answer 6

I feel your pain, but somehow I think that your best option is to accept that this relationship is going nowhere...and...unfortunately.. that is probably not what you are wanting to hear. It sounds as though your ex is playing you...saying one minute that it is all over and the next that there is maybe a chance. If she truly loved you and wanted to make a fresh start she would do it. Don't fall into the trap of hanging around waiting for 'what if'...Find someone that will appreciate you for who you are....LIFE IS TOO SHORT! Do however, show unconditional love to your children...no matter what!

Answer 7

You have to take control of your own inner situation and decide that you will talk to her about the children and nothing more - regardless of whether at the present time you think you'd like to be with her. She's jerking you around, must have "issues" of her own, and isn't likely to make the other half of a good relationship. If she felt about you the way she should there wouldn't be any of the nonsense going on that there is, so she doesn't feel the way she should about you. You need to accept that and move on and just deal with her as far as being a parent to the children goes

If in your heart and mind you decide you're just done being jerked around and going to move on it will be the first step in getting over what kind of hold your emotions or she has on you and will put you in control of your own situation. As long as you allow yourself to be strung along at her whims you won't be in control of your own situation and you'll never feel as if you can "land"..

Answer 8

Relationships are a constant effort.....your partner sounds like she may be even more confused than you......perhaps you guys needs to start from scratch. There is a great book called 'The Five Love Languages', it puts everyone in to 1 of 5 categories. For example my husband's love language is 'gifts of service' and he is always doing things for me like the vacuuming or putting washing on....I used to take this as an insult because I thought it meant that I wasn't doing a good job, but once I realised that he was doing it to show me how much he loved me I started doing things for him like washing his car etc....and he loved it. Then I had to remind him that my language was 'physical touch' so he went out of his way to do little things like hold my hand when we walked or kiss me on the back of the neck when he got home in the evening.....sounds like little stuff, but it put the romance back in to our marraige, why would either of us go looking anywhere else. If you can put this bit of effort in you will be amazed at the results, there will be no more time for internet chats with some other guy. I can't remember all of the other three but one was gift giving......you can tell what someone likes because it is usually what they do for other people. I will be praying for your both....marraiges and relationships are so important, even more so when kids are involved.

Answer 9

hey life is too short to be going along with these mind games. love is a two way partnership ,not a game of one upmanship as this person is playing. playing with your feelings is her way of showing her contempt for your feelings and the time has come for you to end the game. she is using your feelings for her and the children to have her cake and eat it.
you must now take control of the situation and tell her maybe's are not good enough anymore. either she is with you 24/7 or separate.
do not back down and be prepared to go your own way if that is her choice. to continue in the present situation will only end up with hatred, hurt and emotional stress for all concerned including the children. Never ever accept second helpings of affection

Answer 10

if it causes u so much pain u shd take another look at ur effort if it is worth it at all . since she is so upset each u mention abt the guy u shd already know dat she must hv a strong liking 4 him . may b u shd just accept it dat the whole thing is actually over . n if there is still a chance 2 save it y not the 2 of u start all over again as friends . good luck .