My wife is having an affair,I am in Iraq.She filed for divorce without telling me.8 years of marriage?

Question

I try to talk to her about this guy or about the pain i feel and she has nothing to say.We have twin girls together,4 years old.She blaims me for everything.I am a civilan contractor in Iraq.She works with this man that she is seeing and claimes to be in love with him.I have been in Iraq for 11 months and she started drinking with this guy at bars two weeks after i left.I want answers from her but get nothing.I feel allot of guilt for what has happened to us but i also feel i haven't done anything to daserve this.I am a good Christan man who absolutly loved my wife and family.Until i came to Iraq she and I never spent one night apart.I am confused and need answers.

Answer 1

She is a B@*ch for doing that. She probably had feelings for him before you left cause she works with him. Why should you feel guilty? You didnt do a thing wrong. I'm so sorry that happened to you. You will find someone better, everything happens for a reason.

Answer 2

This is all something that is pretty common with soldiers in Iraq. you are a civilan contractor, which is a bit different, you made the choice to go there...but nonetheless, just like any soldier overseas you are pretty much screwed. I would never advize anyone to join the military while having a steady girlfriend or wife...save all that for when you are finished...

But your situation is alittle different. Not only did you go there by choice, but you have a wife...WITH KIDS. When i say you are 'screwed' i mean that if your soon to be ex wife wants to keep custody of the kids, well then she will and you will be stuck paying child support and will be lucky to see the kids, maybe every other weekend or something...and of course you are the good guy in all this...but she will be with the kids 90% of the time and will tell them and convince them of a different story....its not fair. But thats how the good ole USofA operates...you think she would get away with this in any middle eastern country??? HELL NO. at least least in some countries she would be stoned to death.

Answer 3

I'm truly sorry that this has happened to you. I truly am. She has made a big mistake in her life. Really big. She will never ever forgive herself for this. Believe me, I know. She will look back on this, once she gets her head together, and think, what have I done! She is involved in the excitement of an affair and she doesn't love this guy. She just "thinks" she loves this guy. If she looses you for good, she will regret it. She WILL regret it. You have a right to be confused. Your serving in Iraq and missing your wife and daughters, then this happens. You just must feel devastated. Don't take blame for this. You were only do your job. It's not your fault at all. I wish you the best and hope all works out the way you wish it too. Bless you....

Answer 4

I'm agreeing with some of the other answers here. If she went out that quickly - she was planning it before you left. The fact that you chose this job situation - knowing you would be gone so much - and she didn't tell you not to go if you wanted her to be your wife - means she was glad you were leaving the country to make it easier to leave you.
I don't know her. She sounds like a schemer. But I don't know you either - and while you sound like a sweet guy - we can't know if you might have been violent or something. Sorry - but did she have a reason to be afraid to leave you if you were in the states?
If so - take the time to cool down before you come back.
If not - you're better off without her. Just try not to let your anger control you when it comes time to work out visitations and stuff with your kids later. Thats a really hard part of divorce with kids.
And like someone else mentioned - get a lawyer either way. Have him / her ready to see you the second you get back or have someone you really trust in the states - be your go between for now. Good Luck - and don't lose faith.

Answer 5

Not your fault. However prepare for the worst. Unlike men that have flings without a real emotional attachment I really believe women in cases like this became emotionally attached and fall in love with someone else. If that's the case there is really nothing you can do but move on. She probably already justified what she did to herself by thinking your were never there, or your not a good husband, or you don't understand her needs, etc. This allows her to move on and without guilt ( or little guilt ). Having kids always makes thing more difficult. Just remember when a guy has an affair it's usually just phys., but when a women does the same there is a real chance of her falling in love and leaving and that's probably what happened. Just remember you can't change the way someone feels. With that said, move on and take of yourself, ( nobody else is going to ) and don't dwell on it. Just move on, remember she f*****d you over & you owe her nothing other then finacially taking care of your kids. By the way being a good Christian has nothing to do with it, depite what a women says they are self centered and always looking to 'climb' up onto something better given the chance. So let her go ( you'll be better off ), and put all your own needs first!

Answer 6

There are no good answers here for this. She is worse then the Iraqi soldiers you are fighting. Youre right, no soldier in combat should ever receive something like this, but for some unknown reason she wants to hurt you bad. As an ex Medivac Helicopter Pilot/POW in Viet Nam, I saw alot of guys get this b...sh.t letters and it really didnt help anything. She is cold hearted to the max.and she definitely doesnt deserve you. You have done nothing wrong except try to provide the best you can for your family and she does this. I guess this guy was closer when she needed someone and this was easy for them both. Being so far apart doesnt help either. Youre probably not going to get any answers from her because she cant face you and she knows damn well what she is doing is very wrong. She should feel guilty for doing you wrong while youre doing something to help out in this damn war thats preserving the very lifestyle shes enjoying here. Damn, I wish I had some magic potion or words that could help ease your pain but I dont, sorry. I know God has a way of taking care of what goes around comes around, and dont be too surprised that she gets tired of this idiot and comes crawling back before too long. Unfortunately our divorce laws favor the wife so no way to get back at her there. I will keep you in my prayers to help ease your pain and keep you safe. I speak for many vets when I say thank you for your service over there and we are proud of you all, take care, be safe and God Bless.

Answer 7

It doesn't sound like you HAVE done anything to deserve this. And, if yours is an accurate representation, it sounds like she is not really being the responsible wife and mother that she should be. Is there any way you can get out of Iraq, because if your marriage is about to end you need to be there for your children. She blames you for everything because she feels guilty for what she is doing and has done, and she should. If that is the way she wants to live her life, you cannot stop her, however, your children now need a better influence in their lives than she can give.

I forget who said it, but I heard a good quote once that went something like so.

When a man takes your wife, the best revenge is to let him have her..
meaning...if she would really do something like this to you, she isn't really worth your time and love. Sorry bro, I had something very similar happen to me, and I know it is tough. I wish you the best of luck, and be there for your kids above all else. Show them what a good person is and how they should be.

Answer 8

It sounds like your wife was unhappy for sometime. Maybe you wasn't paying attention to her crys for attention long before this, i can't beleive she just up and started seeing another guy the minute you were gone for 11 months. After eight years there has to be a reason why she turned to the other guy after that many years. You surely asked her what she thought about you going to Iraq? If not, this was probably the straw that broke the camels back! If you didn't, then it is probably true that you weren't listening to the other things that she was saying and needed. You both need to seek help, either professional counciling or maybe your minister. The other guy could tell your wife was unhappy and as soon as you left, he swooped in, you left the door wide open.

Answer 9

That is a tough cookie to bite into isn't it? Don't bite it throw it away.
First I commend you for your work in the rebuilding of a torn nation.....Unfortunately what you have experienced is wide spread in the military community. Long Distance Relationship Disaster.
The fact that you can't get answers from her means that you probably didn't do anything other than going to work.

It probably just happened......He probably began by providing some comfort that you would return....She wanted to know why you had to go to Iraq.....Why......Couldn't he just suffice with what we had....Does he not love me? What if he gets killed, what do I do?.....Not to worry it'll be alright, I'll take care of you he said....He gave a hug and the lonelyness she felt having not slept in a bed alone for the past 4 years brought tears and because he was a good friend she felt comfortable in his arms, what she didn't know it was his way of charming her away...I am not sure why he went to Iraq, I wouldn't have gone, he said....then assuming the worst reason, she presumed you dead.

Not to worry....in a few years she'd say
"What can I do to win your heart
To tell you God didn't intend for us to be apart
What can I say to let you know
The worst thing I've done in life was to let you go?
Nothing...No word can truly express
The remose I feel, despondency at best
Nothing...Webster hasn't listed it yet
A word that a thousand times augments regret
For not having you in my life
For not appreciating having been your wife
I could only pray that I were given a second chance
A second opportunity at romance
Unfortunately I must come to the realization that it was me who divorced my husband
And now he is more value yet only to another woman."

Better days will come my friend. Concentrate on finishinging the work and come home to a change. My friend, The Kingdom of God is at hand.

Answer 10

It sounds like after years of never spending the night apart and then you leave for Iraq, that your wife feels abandoned. Not that that was your intent. She may be punishing you for leaving, I've seen that before in Military spouses of my friends. The best person to get answers from is your wife. Unfortunately she may not be honest with you especially if she has been drinking. This is not your fault! You need to talk to a friend until you can get home and can work through your feelings with a councilor and confront your ex. Hang in there. You deserve better and thank you for doing your part.

Answer 11

Ok, hang in there partner.... It sounds like you didn't marry the person you thought you did. You NEED a divorce, Get a hold of a lawyer and begin the process online. I know its hard to accept the truth - but if she did this so quickly after your departure, then she was planning it all along. Be a man about this.
A good Christan man should have no problem finding an honest new Wife which you deserve. (after the tears have dried of course)
Good Luck and God Bless!!!