John Cleese's letter to the USA To the citizens of the United States of America,?

Question

in light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II resumes monarchical duties over all
states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP for the 97.8% of you who have, until now, been unaware there's a world outside your borders) will appoint a Minister for America. Congress and the Senate are disbanded. A questionnaire circulated next year will determine whether any of you noticed. To aid your transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. Look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Check "aluminium" in the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you pronounce it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour'

Likewise you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to
acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary." Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as
"like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed." There will be no
more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you should not have chat shows.
2. There is no such thing as "U.S. English." We'll let Microsoft know on
your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of
the reinstated letter 'u'.
3. You should learn to distinguish English and Australian accents. It really
isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to cockney, upper-class
twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier). Scottish dramas such as 'Taggart'
will no longer be broadcast with subtitles.

You must learn that there is no
such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is "Devon." If
you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become "shires" e.g. Texasshire Floridashire, Louisianashire.
4. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen",
but only after fully carrying out task 1.
5. You should stop playing American "football." There's only one kind of
football. What you call American "football" is not a very good game. The
2.1% of you aware there is a world outside your borders may have noticed no
one else plays "American" football. You should instead play proper
football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies).

You should stop playing baseball. It's not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls'
game called "rounders," which is baseball without fancy team stripe, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.
6. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns, or anything more
dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because you are not sensible
enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you need a permit to carry a
vegetable peeler.
7. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2nd will be a new
national holiday. It will be called "Indecisive Day."
8. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good!

I read this today and thought everyone needs some humour

Answer 1

A little satire done correctly does wonders for your soul.

Answer 2

That is funny, And yes would would notice. We would not be sending our troops to other countries to kill other people for oil an we would finaly be able to get this country in order.

Did you know that the Brits did not just one day give the USA it's Independence's?

Did you know that the settlers in the USA kicked the Brits out of the USA over 200 years ago.

And did you know we only agree to be friends because when we call someone over there the Babes have a great accent in their voices and makes them sound hot???

If it was not for the babes you guys would be speaking German now days. The Americans would have never helped you out.

Now ain't that funny how things really worked out?

Answer 3

My loyalist blood loves that. Bring back the Brits to the US. My parents taught me how to spell "colour" and "favour" the correct way and so called American English is ugly. Also, make up a different name for Football in the states. I don't know if John mentioned this. How about calling it "idiots womp on each other." Viva Angleterre!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry, he did mention American football and he is right. They are Nancie Boys.

Answer 4

Ah yes…the Americans believe they are the answer to everything. Most of them even truly believe that they single handily won the Second World War. Despite the fact that a lot of countries were fighting Hitler for many years before the U.S.A even got involved. (As always they were too busy cashing in on everyone’s suffering to give a crap).

I know that you didn’t really have a question, but thanks for the read.

Answer 5

Urban Legend, dude. Check out Snopes.com

By the way, yeah....about 70% of US citizens wouldn't notice, 15% would, but wouldn't care because there would now be boobies in the newspaper, and the rest would just be greatful to be rid of Chimpy.

Answer 6

Well, Tony Blair is hot and so is David Beckham, so I'm down with going back under the monarchy.

LOL

Answer 7

John Cleese Letter To America

Answer 8

My response Bring it on fancy boy. Secondly Utah sends a big UP YOURS right back at ya.

Answer 9

You don't frighten us, English pig dogs. Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called "Arthur King," you and all your silly English K-nig-hts.

Answer 10

Love it, the question is "Would Americans notice?"
Tally ho chaps.