Difficult Decision?

Question

My boyfriend proposed to me last month, but rather than rush into marriage, his parents want us to live together for 4yrs. We've only been dating 8 months. My grandmother is very religious and says this is a sin, but if we live together and it doesn't work out we wouldn't have spent all the money on a wedding and a divorce. What do you all think? Only serious answers please!!!

Answer 1

Times have changed and I think your grandmother must accept the fact that you need to make your own decisions. Living together is a big step but you find out alot of things before hand. If you don't live together until after your married you may find out some things that you didn't know and just can't deal with. Trust me on this one. Live together first!!!

Answer 2

I don't think that you really know someone until you do live with them. Think of all the things you do in a certain way - laundry, loading the dishwasher, cleaning the bathroom, alone time - and then realize that your fiancee also has certain ways of doing things as well. If you can learn to live together and be compatible and work together to get things done, you are already ahead of the game and will most likely have a happy marriage. You may also learn quickly that this is not the life partner for you. I do understand that many believe that living together is considered 'living in sin' but it's your life and you have to live your own life. If you feel like doing something might be wrong, trust your instincts and if you have a single doubt about spending the rest of your life with this person, step back and take another look at the situation - you may not be ready for such a commitment - either right now or with this person. Good luck

Answer 3

I have been down both roads...my first marriage, I did not live with him first because we are catholic and yes, it is a sin...okay, I didn;t get married in the church, thank goodness, because I divorced him within 3yrs, BUT when we first got married my grandmother was mad!!! She WANTED me to live with him first despite our beliefs, I guess she knew i would end up kicking him to the curb.

NOW...I have been living with my boyfriend for 8yrs.....sometimes I want to be married, but legally according to our state, we are common law marriage.

Check with your state and see what the common law marriage limitations and rules are FIRST.

I would definitely NOT rush into the marriage, you have only been together 8 months. I would weigh out the pro's and con's of living together between yourselves, then sit down with your families together and have a family discussion and decide from there.(REMEMBER this is YOUR LIVES together not your parents or his...the TWO of you should make the final decision!!NOT the parents!!!) IF this is the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with, think really hard...then go on with your wedding plans, it takes a good year to really get everything together, and get married, but I would NOT live together first. That will give you almost two years together by the time you say "I do", and you have not rushed. If you have doubts within the planning, you will know to call it off....good luck and I am sure you will have a beautiful wedding and everyone will be happy.

Answer 4

I think their idea is silly. You do not learn if you want to marry a person by living with them for "4" years. If you do live together you will find out that there are little things that aggravate you...is this a reason not to get married??? You will learn that it makes you mad when he doesn't close the toothpaste, or leaves his socks on the floor. If you live with a person, by the time marriage rolls around you already know what to expect and it becomes just another thing to do. Marriage is sacred and should not be taken lightly. You will know if you want to marry this person when the time is right. Take another year of dating if you don't feel ready and if he doesn't want to wait, he isn't worth it anyway. The point is that if you are ready, you will know. I am young, but I still like your grandmother's answer better. Plus, if you want trouble, you live with the in-laws!

Answer 5

I agree and disagree with this question. I agree that you should live together, but it's only "a sin" if you have sex. I'm guessing maybe you already have? I can see the logic about saving money, but I don't think that 8 months of dating you're ready to get married. You don't want to be another Britney Spears and have a quickie marriage. Take some time get to know each other, and then come back to the topic of marriage.

Answer 6

Both his parents and your grandmother have good reasons why they feel the way they do. Your grandma comes from a more traditional time when things like this were frowned upon, and there is definitely wisdom in that way of thinking. On the other hand, his parents, maybe a little more in tune with the current way of the world, want you to make sure you are ready for the commitment before you make it, and that is also wise advice in my opinion. You should talk it over with your boyfriend and come to an agreement between the two of you, taking the wise counsel you have recieved from both ends into consideration. Be it one way or the other, one persons advice is not going to be taken, but, if they see that you are doing your best I think that's all they can really ask for.

Best of luck to the two of you...and be good and honest always to each other..not a whole lot of couples are anymore.

Answer 7

If you have to ask this question you are not ready for either living together or marriage,Your Grandmother is right and you will be much happier when you are ready it should be marriage before living together,good luck.It is time to take a real long look at your relationship and at your own values 8 month is not very long to be dating,slow down and be sure you are making the right decisions,

Answer 8

There's nothing wrong with an extended engagement. Ultimately, it's up to you and your fiance, not his parents. What feels right to you? If you're already thinking that there's a divorce on the horizon, then you shouldn't even be engaged.

My personal opinion would be to stay engaged for a year or so and see how that works out. You don't need to rush into a marriage, but you shouldn't be pushed into living together just to please his parents either.

Answer 9

What your parents say makes very good sense, I know that 1 in 3 of all marriages in the U.K end in divorce...not a good average by any means...and your Grandmother is obviousely a very religious lady who believes in the sanctity of marriage..You and your boyfriend know how you feel about each other, and the decision will certainly be one that you have to make together after talking everything through thoroughly...Whatever you decide, I wish you good luck together..

Answer 10

It is a difficult decision. First of all, are u religious like your gm? If not then u should try living together for at least 2yrs or longer. If u are, then stay committed to each other as bf/gf until u are ready to accept him for the rest of your life. Don't see why u should rush into "marriage". If he really loves u, he can wait till you say YES.