i just got out of a 7 year marriage where my wife had an affair. i dont think i will ever trust anyone again. has anyone gone on to trust someone else after this has happened to you?
2006-08-04 10:01:27 · 10 answers · asked by Brian 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm sorry that your ex wife cheated on you, i don't think much of people that cheat, however that isn't your question. Yes, you will be able to trust again, but you will be more aware of things that you may not have paid much attention to before, for example you may have never known where your wife had been all day, but with someone new you will ask So where all did you go today? Things like this will change, but don't take it to the next level, such as "{well i thought you were going to be home at such and such time,Where in the h*ll where you," this is accusing and you don't want to take out the douts (that your ex wife has planted in your mind) on other women. Remember that this new person is NOT your ex, never compare. We are all different and just because you caught one bad fish doesn't mean that you will catch another.
2006-08-04 10:15:21 · answer #1 · answered by angel 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I answered a question similar to this a day or so ago to betty w. Perhaps you should try to find it. In my answer, i described three stages to divorce recovery. You are going to go through a period when you don't want to trust anyone, including those closest to you. Just remember, the trust issue is between you and your ex, not anyone else. I was married for 2.5 years to a man who was cheated on by his first wife. He never recovered and after about a year of marriage he became very insistent that I was having an affair. I never did, nor had I ever thought about it. But, his constant questionning, phone calls and snooping drove me away and this behavior played a large part in ending our marriage. Don't let this consume you. You had a divorce, but it didn't have you. Remember to put the distrust where it belongs--with your ex and no one else. And please, for the sake of every woman who will date you in the years to come, seek professional help for the anger and resentment. You must overcome the obstacles before its safe to move on.
2006-08-04 17:20:18 · answer #2 · answered by lyricsop 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, I have no idea as to what you should do. I just got out of a 10 year marriage where I was the one who cheated. My soon to be ex-husband is having trust issues just like yourself. He and I are still friends and we have discussed this subject. He is having problems moving on due to not being able to trust anyone....The advice I gave him is to not base every person on what i did to him. That someday he'll be able to trust someone again. It's just going to take time. Good Luck.
2006-08-04 18:01:09 · answer #3 · answered by Belle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can see trust being an issue. I wondered off from my marriage once, and ran right back to a straight, loyal life. I couldn't handle the lying. I felt dirty, etc. But this doesn't answer your question.
You can't judge someone, by what someone else has done to you. I'm not saying to drop your guard, but at least if you have it up, don't let it show. Give the "next" person a chance to prove themself and learn from your previous mistakes so that the "cheating" situation doesn't repeat itself.
2006-08-04 19:08:45 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in a 5yr relationship when my significant other cheated on me. Yes, it was hard to take and I really didn't see that one coming. I did learn to trust again, thankfully. At some point in time you are going to have to say to yourself if you are ready to risk possibly being hurt again and when that happens you have to have faith by taking that chance. It took sometime for me to realize that others (potential love interest) should not suffer because of the actions of the past. Everyone is unique, so just start with a clean slate and forget the past to move on.
2006-08-04 17:22:42 · answer #5 · answered by Mxdpl8 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not me. I think I'm destroyed forever. Only a miracle can save me. But that doesn't mean I have stopped trying. But I have been trusting the men in my life less and less each time, and they all still betrayed me, didn't matter how much or how little trust I gave them, they still broke it at the end. Once you find the answer to your question could you please share?
2006-08-04 17:31:22 · answer #6 · answered by Bobbie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do yourself a favor and don't judge the future women you meet by the actions of the one in the past. This is the only way you will find happiness.
2006-08-04 17:46:02 · answer #7 · answered by lavenderroseford 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YES I HAVE. IT TOOK A LONG TIME AND IT WAS EVEN HARD FOR ME TO TRUST FRIENDS. I WENT TO COUNSELING SESSIONS AND IT HELPED SOMEWHAT. TRUSTING SOMEONE THO MEANS TO NOT DUMP YOUR PAST ISSUES WITH YOUR EX WIFE ON THEM. THEY ARE NOT YOUR EX WIFE AND IT WOULDNT BE FAIR TO THEM IF YOU DIDNT LEARN HOW TO TRUST THEM. IT ISNT EASY ILL ADMIT. ITS HARD AT FIRST BUT IF YOU OPEN UP YOULL FIND OUT YOU WERE MISSING OUTR ON ALOT FROM OTHER PEOPLE. HOLDING IN MISTRUST AND BUILDING UP A WALL AGAINST PEOPLE WILL CAUSE YOU TO GROW AN OLD MISERABLE AND LONELY MAN. I AM SURE YOU HAVE ALOT TO OFFER SINCE YOU CARED ENOUGH TO POST HERE. AND THERES A LUCKY WOMAN OUT THERE SOMEWHERE WHO NEEDS AND DESERVES WHAT YOU HAVE TO OFFER HER.... GOOD LUCK!
2006-08-04 17:10:33 · answer #8 · answered by Holla!!! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You probably won't trust the next girl until and if she proves herself loyal to you. One bad apple don't spoil the whole bunch.
2006-08-04 17:08:56 · answer #9 · answered by Bogie Boy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
indeed. always extend trust until proven otherwise. If you don't, you will lead a very closeted life, alone, and miss out on lots of wonderful people.
2006-08-04 18:17:51 · answer #10 · answered by paulie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋