Its gotten to where it's hard to breathe sometimes. He's not a bad person, it's just void. It just feels like I need to be somewhere else?? I dont know how this works? And PLEZ dont respond w/ "why did you marry in the 1st place??" What is done is done...I just don't know how to get something back, if it was even there in the 1st place? I am sincerely asking for serious responses, this has gotten to the point where it is making me physically ill, just a depression funk, you know? No energy, nothing to look forward to, weight loss. We've had issues, same as all marriages I guess. But now it is hard to even drive home most nights. And this hurts.
2006-08-04 09:48:46 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
When did I say I didnt want the truth?? I'm asking how to deal w/ this? The "void" was in feelings towards this person.
2006-08-04 09:58:13 · update #1
Oh- I don't know that I want to get divorced. Thats seems to be a quick fix. I just want to know how to pull out of this sinking feeling?? Is what I'm going through normal?
2006-08-04 10:01:37 · update #2
I have been married 4 years.
2006-08-04 10:02:40 · update #3
Since you don't like the truth to be told to you, what do you want us to say?
Go ahead and divorce him and move on. Then what goes around comes around and the next guy you marry thinks you are "void" I guess you will see it differently.
Good luck!
2006-08-04 09:53:48 · answer #1 · answered by Raspberry 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From the sound of it, I'm pretty sure you do love your husband, because you sound broken-hearted. Just sounds like you're just not IN love with him. There's a difference there and oh boy do I know how you feel. Been there, done that. My husband and I lived like roommates for years. It's awful.
But what HAVE you tried, anything? What are the issues? Could it be that you two have just grown apart? How do you two commuicate? And have you tried counseling? Tried spending more quality time together? My husband and I don't live near family, and we don't have any babysitters, so having "dates" is sort of out of the question for us until our oldest is a bit older and can stay home alone, so we tend to sneak little bits of time together after the kids are in bed. We sit and cuddle and watch a movie or the news, take time to talk during the day, flirt off and on throughout the day. But it's taken us a long time and a lot of talking to get back here. Mostly on my part.
But what I would do first and foremost is go talk to a counselor, go alone if he won't go with you. Mine helped me to sort out what the problems were and gave me to tools I didn't have (which pumped up my low self-esteem and helped me to learn to talk to him). And all I did was start by telling my husband that I wasn't happy in our marriage. Can you guys take a vacation together? Get away somewhere romantic for the weekend? It's hard to say when I don't really know what you've tried, so I'm just throwing stuff out there that my therapist suggested to me at first.
Good luck to you!
2006-08-04 17:50:30 · answer #2 · answered by I'm just me 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
love is a willful act--a decision. you should consider counseling--especiall from your clergy, or faith perspective. I don't believe love is a feeling. infatuation doen't last a life-time, you know. Pls read, Abounding Grace and The Roadless Travelled, by M.Scott Peck. You need to understand that all marriages go through struggles and that we all wake up, look at our spouse and think, "is this it?" i can sense the pain you are in. Pls talk w/someone. don't just draw conclusions about your marriage w/out seeking guidance and wisdom. Remember, the grass is always greener on the other side. Successful marriages have one common denominator---communication! Perhaps you and your spouse need to relearn this and rediscover one another. Don't take your marriage lightly. Good luck--hope you feel a sense of hope soon.
2006-08-04 16:59:31 · answer #3 · answered by hopscothchbunnies 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you want the truth, but here it is: If you have honestly come to a point where the marriage is not able to be saved, then it's time to speak with a lawyer about divorce. You don't mention how long you have been married, but I would say you are headed for the rocks (at least your marriage is).
2006-08-04 16:59:04 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes it's best to just separate for a while. Have you considered that? Maybe you are just sick of the routine. I know i was. I seriously thought I was not in love anymore w/my husband. I even went as far as stepping outside of my marriage. Which I do not suggest. Now That I have destroyed my marriage....Lost the love of my life. I realize things were not that bad. My husband was a good guy too. Just weigh out all your options before you distroy your marriage and yourself. Good luck.
2006-08-04 18:12:32 · answer #5 · answered by Belle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'm no one to talk, i couldn't keep a man if my life depended on it BUT i will say this. think back to a time when you did love ur spouse. what's changed? if anything changed then can u try to make it that way again? look at ur spouse with outside eyes - leave the past behind and just have fun with ur spouse, do things that are fun, go out, stay in, cook a nice meal, watch movies together, have lots of kinky s3x (sorry had to through that in). if all else fails then maybe its time u move on,
2006-08-04 16:56:56 · answer #6 · answered by dvl_n_dskyz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first thing I think you should do is talk with your husband about how you are feeling. If you really care about the marriage, discuss it with him and see if you can both resolve it together. If not there is always counseling. Please try to resolve the problem before you go filing for divorce. We can't always run from our problems. And one other thing, go to the doctor and take care of your physical problems.
2006-08-04 17:58:05 · answer #7 · answered by Deb 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I completely understand what you're going through! Life and marriage is never perfect or easy. I know, it doesn't mean you don't love him, you just need to be reminded, or reassured that this is the right life for you. Please feel free to contact me anytime if you would like a friend to discuss it with!
2006-08-04 19:12:28 · answer #8 · answered by Brn_Eyed_Beauty 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is it remotely possible that you ARE clinically depressed. See a doctor. You decribe some of the symptoms. Does he know how you feel? You might share this info with him and attempt some therapy.
2006-08-04 17:27:07 · answer #9 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Then it is time for you to get out. If your relationship is making you physcially ill, it certainly is not healthy. Sit down woth your spouse and let him know your feelings. I know this is hard to do, but you owe it to him. Consider your options and start planning for a new future.
2006-08-04 16:55:23 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋