Should I take him back?

Question

My husband and I were going through what I thought was a typical rough period of marraiges. He moves out. Turns out while away for four months he had an affair with a woman I sensed was interested in him before then, a member of a club to which we belong. He swears before the rabbi that he was not involved with her before he moved out. But like Clinton, wouldn't he lie about that ( Trying to put in a light note here, folks) Anyway, even assuming his version is true, I can't help believing that he moved out because he wanted to get involved with her. Now he wants to come home. I still love him and we have two little kids. Before all of this we had a good life together. Not that it was perfect but good. I need a neutral person's perspective. Thanks.

Answer 1

I do not like to share my man with another person. If the fact that he 'temporary' moved out and had an affaired with another woman (I don't care who that is) before sign on a divorce paper, that show "how much" I meant to him and how loyal he is to me.

Answer 2

Hi. Seeing as there are children involved, I would go with Sharon's advise on this. I REALLY hate to, because cheating is the WORST, BUT, I do not agree with "once a cheater, always a cheater" humans are fully capable of changing behaviors and perspectives.

I usually do not advise talking to a therapist for every little obstacle of married life, like some people do but in this instance, I would recommend a neutral party (perhaps your Rabbi?) to help you two work through this. ALL things are possible with God, never forget that.

Good luck to you and your family. I think your husband temporarily lost his senses. I really do.

Answer 3

This is very difficult. One thing I can say is, ALWAYS! ALWAYS! Trust Your Gut!!!!! If it is telling you something listen. People seem to try to make excuses for other people, and rachinalize this gut feeling. Do not ignore it , because its Always right! Now knowing what you know about the extra marital relationship (what hes told you and what your gut says) ask yourself, If you can live with these things and truely forgive him and let it go(no being a historian in middle of fight and bringing it up) if you take him back it has to be as if it never happened. Because that is basically what your telling him, is that it is ok . You will also have to be able to live with the fact that it will always be something he is capable of doing again, (once a cheat always a cheat) very true in deed! As far as the children go they will be happy if you are happy, no matter where you are. Bless and Care.
you can email me if you like.

Answer 4

He swore before God that he was not involved with her before moving out, so yes, I would take him back. He will have bigger problems than you if he isn't telling the truth, lol.

I think that you may be right that he wanted to be involved with her before he moved out, but wanting and doing are two different things.

He made a huge mistake, and you still love him. He doesn't sound like a jerk ... just like a guy who did something really stupid and has now come to his senses.

Answer 5

Tell him to hit the bricks. If he would lie to you about that there is no telling what he would lie to you about. He left so he could get it on with her and now that he's done with her he wants to come back. What will happen the next time he meets a woman he thinks might be interested in him. You don't deserve to keep having your heart ripped out by him. Find someone that will want you and only you. Good luck.

Answer 6

Really, it doesn't much matter what our answers are. Your last few sentences, answer your own question. You still love him. You have two little kids, and had a good life. Kid- That's better than many people ever have. With what you suspect, and what you know- you love him. That guy is one lucky guy. Take him back. He may not deserve you, and it may not work out long term, but you love him. A guy who is loved often becomes better than he is. He might. Or, your mind might picture him having a lot more fun than he ever had. Bottom line- Read you last 6 sentences. Good luck.

Answer 7

Rats, I don't know what to add here... You sound so articulate, and have such seemingly good grip on what's going on. Yes, it's possible that his desire to play was involved in his decison to move out. An obvious thing to try would be marriage counseling, to address the issues that led to such drastic measure to begin with. But, regardless, it would be a tough thing to get over his infidelity. I would not make a rash decision either way, perhaps counseling would be the best way to go.

Answer 8

Think about Ur children and the example dad has set, things go bad in life ...U just leave....Not just leave but have an affair...
U and Ur children deserve SO MUCH MORE....
She's probably through with him so now he wants to come home...
What about the next "rough" patch U 2 have is he gonna use that as an excuse to cheat again....


U have ALOT to think about

Answer 9

I think he probably did move out because he wanted the freedom to see this other woman. He probably learned that the grass wasn't greener on the other side and now wants to come back to you. If you love him enough to be able to forgive him and trust him then let him come back. It will be hard on you because that situation will always be in the back of your mind. I feel for you and wish you the best. Good Luck

Answer 10

When the going gets tough your husband moves out...there is a definite connection to him moving out and having an affair, its his way of allowing his behavior to faulter outside the marriage...he in a way is believing his own lies to comfort his conscience....you can let him come home...things will be fine until he has a weak moment and you know know how he will react to it...and all marriages have their weak moments, now and again...the question is how far do you want to lower your standard.