Why do people, especially women, choose to have such negative views of a woman's 'first time' (having sex)?

Question

Here's the deal. Recently someone asked about the 'first time', I wrote an answer which basically argues that the physiological features are part of a much larger picture, a relationship paradigm, if you will - and that it is this larger picture which determines what your experience will be. And of course I presented an alternative... For more details, see that question:

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=An.fFs60Gej1L7iglqogq2jsy6IX?qid=20060726113656AAcIlLp

What I want to know is, why would anyone choose a different view, if they can have something beautiful and respectful? Is it that they:

want to be viewed as men's property?

want to evade responsibility for their lives?

think getting pleasure from a man's abuse of their body is good?

don't like thinking new thoughts - "Better a devil I do know, than one I don't know?"

had a bad experience and don't want to think their suffering was needless?

Or some other reason?

PS I'm a 42-year-old female, believe it or not.

Yes, rape does make it harder than it has to be to separate human anatomy from the bad use people make of it.

I still believe it can be done though - what I wrote in my other answer was my attempt at making that separation.

Answer 1

ok, I am a 48 yr old female..... and I am not sure what it is you are asking or saying.... I am just a country pumpkin and feel that sex is a by product of love.... important yes, but it is not a have to do thing..... until a woman or man is ready for it, sex can take away the inner most part of him/her , and take away from the most beautiful act of love there is.... if sex is had before its time the fall out can be dangerous in mind, body and soul...it can leave inside scars on the heart and soul...... is there anything I typed that makes sense to you ??? God bless

Answer 2

It's common in the military to refer to women that way, so I hear it a lot as a military spouse. I think it's honestly about the least offensive of the things that our women in uniform get called during their average workday. To me, it just sounds awkward and reeks of bureaucratese, since I hear it so often in that military context. I do understand what you mean about it being rather clinical and dehumanizing, but I don't personally think it's such a big deal. Often, you will see someone referred to in the media as, for instance, "a female comedian." I think in that case it's just unnecessary, and that is a bit more offensive to me--do those women have to be defined by their gender? You never read about "a male actor" or something. There are times, though, when it's gramatically necessary. Woman is a noun, not an adjective. I don't know if it's technically correct to say, "I prefer to see a woman doctor." That sounds like a doctor for women, whereas "female doctor" makes it clear that the doctor is a woman. Maybe it's best to use, "I prefer to see a doctor who is a woman."

Answer 3

I chose option G, because they live in the real world. Do you make everything this complicated? Do you do it because:

It makes you feel smart and you are so insecure that you feel the need to try to convince everyone else?

It lets you use the big words you overheard at your parents dinner party?

You have no common sense?

You have never had a first time and therefore can only speculate wildly with ridiculous theories? (those that can't do TEACH)

You are incredily unattractive and think that talking like this will get someone to pay attention to you?

You feel that there is some actual value in making mountains or mole hills?

Or some other reason?

Answer 4

Wow you've definitely prepared yourself for this one haven't ya? What are you the president of the debate team?

Jesus buddy...it just EFFING HURTS OKAY?
You wouldn't understand unless..unless......you had a vagina!
So There is no paradigm physio-psycho-noidiological-zoid
to it. IT JUST FREAKIN' HURTS. Oh and sometimes, it can be quite messy if, pardon my "slang" compared to your extensive vocabulary....if the cherry gets popped. It sounds cute putting it that way than the other scientific way. Dude you need to lighten up and stop overanalysing everything.....this is coming from a girl...and I mean this in the nicest way....If you're asking this question because your lover is refusing to give up their virginity............no wonder!!! DAMN you'd be annoying in real life! GHAD people who try to grill Women about losing their virginity just send me over the edge. You wouldn't UNDERSTAND unless you were a female.

And for the record, I lost my virginity at 15. And it was to a boyfriend I didn't really like all that much, but I was drunk, I was in the mood...and it was a good experience because the liquor numbed the pain!

Answer 5

I don't know if the "larger picture" would affect the physiological realities. It's painful for some, not so painful for others. Yes, the larger picture determines a lot about what the "total" experience would be, but there's no escaping the simple fact that it DOES hurt. Just as when you cut your finger in a rock-climbing competition but still get to the top, or you may cut in in your kitchen, or someone threatens you with the knife and cuts it - these all are totally different experiences, and certainly someone threatening you with the knife contributes to the "larger picture" as opposed to cutting your finger when you're slicing tomatoes. But the physiological reality is - it hurts, and you will probably go get a bandaid when you have a chance.

Answer 6

Most women have sex way too early, so the experience isn't enjoyable. Their partners usually are way to young and inexperienced and cannot provide a memorable or pleasurable experience (worries about pregnancy, getting caught, std's the list go's on and on). Also as many have said it bloody well hurts.

Answer 7

well, what i think about this is that mostly women sometimes get pressured in doing things for there first time and men don't know it's there first time and girls don't want to till them because it's quite embarassing especially for women but men don't care cause it wouldn't hurt them other then the women

Answer 8

When it's done right, there's nothing negative about it. Mayhaps it's time to let go of the pain, anger and embarassment of that horrible memory and find someone able to fill you as you've never been filled before.

Answer 9

I don't think most women have a negative view of their first time - just as something to get over with. As far as your "question" - I have NO IDEA what you are babbling about. You might want, next time, to keep it simple.

Answer 10

I know my ex's first time was both pleasurable and memorable. However, when younger, I'm sure there where a couple girls who would rather forget thier first time, which was with me.