do i let them or not ?

Question

ok so i know that my 13 year old is having sex with her bf who is 16 and i have talked ot her about it and put her on the pill and told her to use condoms and bought some for her. but i dont know if i should let them do it in my house or make them do it other places and hide it like everone else there age ?

Answer 1

It's parents like you who have 13 year old pregnant daughters. You need to stop her from having sex, not let her control you, Who's the parent? You might want her to read the following as well. Now that she's on the pill, do you REALLY think she'll use the condoms? Yeas right. A 13 year old is still a baby...you just gave her a licence to fu*k. Way to go "MOM".

AIIDS is one of the most serious, deadly diseases in human history. More than 20 years ago, doctors in the United States identified the first cases of AIDS in San Francisco and New York. Now there are an estimated 42 million people living with HIV or AIDS worldwide, and more than 3 million die every year from AIDS-related illnesses.

AIDS is caused by the human immunodeficiency virus (HIV). HIV destroys a type of defense cell in the body called a CD4 helper lymphocyte (pronounced: lim-fuh-site). These lymphocytes are part of the body's immune system, the defense system that fights infectious diseases. But as HIV destroys these lymphocytes, people with the virus begin to get serious infections that they normally wouldn't — that is, they become immune deficient. The name for this condition is acquired immunodeficiency syndrome (AIDS).

Half of all new HIV infections in the United States occur in people under 25 years of age, and thousands of U.S. teens become infected with HIV each year.

As the medical community learns more about how HIV works, they've been able to develop drugs to inhibit it (meaning they interfere with its growth). These drugs have been successful in slowing the progress of the disease, and people with the disease now live much longer. But there is still no cure for HIV and AIDS.


HIV can be transmitted from an infected person to another person through blood, semen (also known as "***," the fluid released from the penis when a male ejaculates), vaginal fluids, and breast milk.

The virus is spread through high-risk behaviors including:

unprotected oral, vaginal, or anal sexual intercourse ("unprotected" means not using a condom)
sharing needles, such as needles used to inject drugs (including needles used for injecting steroids) and those used for tattooing
People who have another sexually transmitted disease, such as syphilis, genital herpes, chlamydia, gonorrhea, or bacterial vaginosis are at greater risk for getting HIV during sex with infected partners.

If a woman with HIV is pregnant, her newborn baby can catch the virus from her before birth, during the birthing process, or from breastfeeding. If doctors know an expectant mother has HIV, they can usually prevent the spread of the virus from mother to baby. All pregnant teens and women should be tested for HIV so they can begin treatment if necessary.

How Does HIV Affect the Body?
A healthy body is equipped with CD4 helper lymphocyte cells (CD4 cells). These cells help the immune system function normally and fight off certain kinds of infections. They do this by acting as messengers to other types of immune system cells, telling them to become active and fight against an invading germ.

HIV attaches to these CD4 cells, infects them, and uses them as a place to multiply. In doing so, the virus destroys the ability of the infected cells to do their job in the immune system. The body then loses the ability to fight many infections.

Because their immune systems are weakened, people who have AIDS are unable to fight off many infections, particularly tuberculosis and other kinds of otherwise rare infections of the lung (such as Pneumocystis carinii pneumonia), the surface covering of the brain (meningitis), or the brain itself (encephalitis). People who have AIDS tend to keep getting sicker, especially if they are not taking antiviral medications properly.

AIDS can affect every body system. The immune defect caused by having too few CD4 cells also permits some cancers that are stimulated by viral illness to occur — some people with AIDS get forms of lymphoma and a rare tumor of blood vessels in the skin called Kaposi's sarcoma. Because AIDS is fatal, it's important that doctors detect HIV infection as early as possible so a person can take medication to delay the onset of AIDS.

How Do People Know They Have HIV?
Once a person's blood lacks the number of CD4 cells required to fight infections, or the person has signs of specific illnesses or diseases that occur in people with HIV infection, doctors make a diagnosis of AIDS.

Severe symptoms of HIV infection and AIDS may not appear for 10 years. And for years leading up to that, a person may not have symptoms of AIDS. The amount of time it takes for symptoms of AIDS to appear varies from person to person. Some people may feel and look healthy for years while they are infected with HIV. It is still possible to infect others with HIV, even if the person with the virus has absolutely no symptoms. You cannot tell simply by looking at someone whether he or she is infected.

When a person's immune system is overwhelmed by AIDS, the symptoms can include:

extreme weakness or fatigue
rapid weight loss
frequent fevers that last for several weeks with no explanation
heavy sweating at night
swollen lymph glands
minor infections that cause skin rashes and mouth, genital, and anal sores
white spots in the mouth or throat
chronic diarrhea
a cough that won't go away
trouble remembering things
Girls may also experience severe vaginal yeast infections that don't respond to usual treatment, as well as pelvic inflammatory disease (PID).

How Can It Be Prevented?
One of the reasons that HIV is so dangerous is that a person can have the virus for a long time without knowing it. That person can then spread the virus to others through high-risk behaviors. HIV transmission can be prevented by:

abstaining from sex (not having oral, vaginal, or anal sex)
always using latex condoms for all types of sexual intercourse
avoiding contact with the bodily fluids through which HIV is transmitted
never sharing needles
How Is It Diagnosed and Treated?
If you think that you may have HIV or AIDS or if you have had a partner who may have HIV or AIDS, see your family doctor, adolescent doctor, or gynecologist. He or she will talk with you and perform tests. The doctor may do a blood test or a swab of the inside of your cheek. Depending on what type of test is done, results may take from a few hours to several days.

People can also get tested for HIV/AIDS at special AIDS clinics around the country. Clinics offer both anonymous (meaning the clinic doesn't know a person's name) and confidential (meaning they know who a person is but keep it private) testing. Most AIDS testing centers will ask you to follow up for counseling to get your results, whether the test is negative or positive.

If you're not sure how to find a doctor or get an AIDS test, you can contact the National AIDS Hotlines at (800) 342-AIDS (English) or [phone] (Spanish). A specialist there will explain what you should do next.

There is no cure for AIDS, which makes prevention so important. Combinations of antiviral drugs and drugs that boost the immune system have allowed many people with HIV to resist infections, stay healthy, and prolong their lives, but these medications are not a cure. Right now there is no vaccine to prevent HIV and AIDS, although researchers are working on developing one.

Reviewed by: Steven Dowshen, MD
Date reviewed: February 2005
Originally reviewed by: Joseph Masci, MD

Answer 2

Wow, that's tough! It's great that you are able to talk to your daughter about things openly, it makes things safer for her if she knows that she can tell you anything and come to you for advice.

I have no idea what you talked to her about exactly, but if it were me I'd be explaining about pregnancy and STDs and the consequences of either of those happening. Also the fact that no contraception method (apart from abstaining) can totally protect against either.

I'd also explain the emotional side of sex too - commitment, being 'used' for sex, feeling like her boyfriend will leave her if she doesn't have sex with him and if that's the case that it isn't worth it just to have a boyfriend, etc. Then there's the legal side of things as well as the possibility of her getting a reputation.
(I'm sure you discussed at least some, if not all of that)

I don't know about letting her have sex though - is there any legal consequences for *you* if you do let them? If not, then don't make them hide it. Perhaps you could try talking to both of them and maybe set some ground rules if you are going to let them do it.

Realistically, short of keeping her at home or accompanying her EVERYWHERE until the age of consent I don't think you are going to be able to stop her and it is possible that if you tried to she would just go behind your back anyway. She also may not be as likely to come to you for advice or if something were to go wrong.

Sorry for the long answer!

Answer 3

She shouldn't be having sex at all. Especially with a 16 year old boy. You should try to stop them from having contact of any kind. There is no way that a 16 year old boy is interested in her for any other reason then sex. I understand where you are coming from, but if you allow this to happen at this age, it's only going to get worse. You can probably charge him with stat. rape because in most states the age difference under 18 can't be more then 2 years.
If you choose to look the other way, certainly don't allow it to happen in your house. She's just a child.. there is no way that she even understands what it is that she is doing.

Answer 4

YOU SHOULD NOT ALLOW YOUR 13 YEAR OLD TO HAVE SEX IN YOUR HOUSE.
If she's having sex make it harder for her by letting her and her boyfriend find other places to do it.
Maybe she'll find herself feeling ashamed and guilty because their having to do it in uncomfortable and maybe dirty places.
If you let her have sex in you house you're telling her it's ok.
And it's not. She's too young and her boyfriend is too old for her. What could they have in common? Other then being sexually active at such a young age.
It's good you put her on the pill and bought condoms.
You know once they get their minds set on something whether right or wrong their gonna go through with it.
At least this way you know she won't be getting pregnant or catching any STD's

Answer 5

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Answer 6

why would u let her have a bf at 13 anyway and he is 16 i know u once a person goes out an have sex it is hard for them to stop begin that she is 13 she might think it is okay when it is not you should tell that she ain't the only one that boy is sleeping with and you know that she can get pregnant get an std or worse she can get aids and putting her on the pill just confused her and no don't let her have sex in your house tell her to let bf rent a house pay bills and take care of her if they want to live the grownup life.tell her to have sex with them books and to leave them boys alone

Answer 7

For those who say don't let her do it....get real!!! don't you remember being a kid...your parents say no, you find a way to hide it, especially something like this!

you've educated her about responsibility. She shouldn't want to do it in your house, I say if you know it's going on in your house something is wrong. Don't encourage it!!! it's like you are considering saying, "here the bed hun, here's how you do it, use a condom...I'll leave you two alone!" I don't agree with that, however you are smart to think that if she's gonna do it she'll do it with or without your support. You're doing the right thing educating her, I wouldn't encourage it at your house. My personal opinion.

Answer 8

OMG I'm 13 and if I had sex I would be on lock down till I die. What kind of mother are you?!? She's only 13 even if she's on the pill and she has condoms what if the condom breaks? How is she going to take care of a baby? Thats horrible that you would even think of letting her do that! You need counseling lots of it. What if he has Aids Herpies Gonnerea..... Maybe you should reconsider.

Answer 9

I think you should keep them apart or at least not let them be alone together. A 13 year old should only be going on chaparoned dates and shouldn't even have the chance to have sex because there should always be an adult with her.

Answer 10

A 13 year old is so not ready for sex!! And by buying her condoms you are telling her that it is OK. Sex has consequences that a 13 year old child is not ready to face. Sex is an emotional thing and should only be done when 2 people truly care for and love one another. At 13 I was still playing with dolls. Buy your daughter a doll and stop buying her condoms.

Answer 11

You shouldn't let her do it at all. 13 is too young to be having sex, at least make her wait until she is 16.

You don't want her to do it in your house, would you rather them be doing it in a car or rent a hotel room for them?