My girlfriend of seven months is coming to my sisters wedding in october,problem is she reckons she will feel?

Question

uncomfortable there as she has only being introduced to my immeditately family recently, to add to the problem, i am one of the grooms men and i will be sitting away from her through out the day and, i wont even be able to sit with her during the meal, as i am sitting at the top table where she will be left to mingle with people she does'nt even know. we had a argument today as she said she feels as if she will be just a flower on the wall,(no one there that she can be comfortable with) and I completely agree with her. I have a suggestion that maybe she could bring a friend with her for the day to make her feel more comfortable during the church, meal ie. when i cant be with her. she feels so strongly about this that she would nearly prefer not to go, to avoid all the commotion, how do i say this to my sister with her able to relaise where i am coming from and agree? and do you think it is the best solution to a very akward situtation. even numbers for the meal are limited. Thank you.

Answer 1

Perhaps it is a good idea, to say to your sister. I will sit at the top table through half the meal, but I really would like to share this experience with my girlfriend. Then go exchange seats with the person next to your girlfriend.
Or maybe, your girlfriend is too much of a wall flower and must realize, as it is in most weddings, there are a lot people there that do not know each other. Even relatives can be distant. The meals at weddings go quickly. Tell her to drink a few glasses of wine. After the meal, dance her legs off. She will wish she was still seated.
Otherwise, your girlfriend is being a bit too demanding. This is your sister's big day! Your time to support your sister. If your girlfriend does not understand this, then perhaps there may be some signs here of her resentment of your closeness with your family. Which is not good.
Good Luck!

Answer 2

I am going to my boyfriends sisters wedding next month and have been seeing him since the beginning of this year. He made the effort to introduce me to his family, I have been out with his sisters for meals etc and am even going to the hen night. I know that I dont know them very well and am nervious, however I want to make the effort for him. I know it is going to be difficult sat in a room alone for a lot of the day (he is the usher) but I know he would do that and more for me.

Has your sister had her hen night yet? If not why not suggest that she go along, maybe she can then meet some of her friends. Do you have any other sisters that you can introduce hre to?

I went to a friends wedding just after I split with my ex husband and she was very careful how she placed me... I was at the table with the most funniest people and had a fantastic day.

Surely your girlfriend must realise that a wedding does not come cheap and that every person that sits down for that meal comes out of their pockets. If she has already been counted in the numbers it would be rude for her to change her mind. If she will not be persueded then it is her loss.

I hope that no matter what happens that you and your family have a wonderful day.

Answer 3

This is an important event for you and your family and her not choosing to go just because she doesn't feel 'at home' or won't be center of attraction is rather selfish. I mean, a few hours won't kill her. I don't know why it's such a big deal. Part of being a couple is compromising and knowing that each of you have to go to uncomfortable family social functions whether you like it or not.

Years ago, I had to attend my then-fiance-now-husband's best friend's wedding while he was the best man and I was not part of the entourage. I stayed the whole day in the hotel ALONE. I had to take a cab just to go to the chapel for the ceremony where I didn't know anyone and had to introduce myself to several people there. During the reception, I had to tough it out and sit at table full of really superficial women.

I am glad to say that I survived.

Sure she won't have anyone to talk to for a few hours, but just old is she that can't be left alone, 13? I think she's creating too much drama for such a small thing.

I think it would be nice if she went to be able to meet your family and friends close to your family because she values you and knows that this is an important event for you.

PS--The wedding is not about her. It's all about your sister's special day. I don't know what commotion she's talking about. She can sit alone for hours minding her own business and no one would even remember who she is and why she's there. Also, weddings are expensive. She shouldn't demand to bring a guest. That's rude.

Answer 4

I would ask other friends or family members to befriend her there - to make a point of getting to know her that day and keeping her company. I am an outgoing person & that would personally make me feel better about going if I were her. But, if she is shy and self-conscience, then perhaps that's not a solution for her. Your own solution is not a bad one...but really is not fair to your sister. Your girlfriend is not 12 - she is a grown woman and really shouldn't have to bring a friend along...she should be able to meet new people and mingle on her own..but if she can't...if she is that shy, then the only solution I feel is for her to stay home then..but she also needs to realize that is because of her..and not your sister and not yourself. It's her own hang-ups keeping her from going...and truly, she should respect the fact that you are in your sisters wedding for goodness sake...and not be causing you any grief or worry over this. That's my take anyway....good luck to you ..

Answer 5

YOu gf is right, Is best for her not to attend as specific arrangements cannot be made for you both to be together.

Ceremonies are not that long, so you walking down the ailse won't be a problem as there will be little time to socialize there.

Ask your sister is your gf could be accomodated in the same table as you, as she is your guest. If she wasn't invited then it is rude of you to try to impose her into the reception and arragements.

You gf is quite classy by declining to go. Since no formal introsductins have nbeen made, she doesn;t want to make all of this drama and give the wrong impression. I know that you don't want to make her feel rejected, but this is NOT your wedding and therefore, you cannot change arragements that have been pre-made.

Unless your sister is able to accomodate her on the reception at your table, then tell her that you will make it up to her. Schedule a romantic getaway for the both of you the following weekend.

Suggesting for her to bring and extra friend is ludicrous. It's extremely rude and inconsiderate to the bride and groom.

Good luck

Answer 6

Since it is your sisters wedding then I can see you asking her this. But you need to remember that if she does bring a friend then you need to compensate your sister as such. It is not cheap to have a wedding, or pay 50 dollars extra so your girlfriend doesn't feel alone. Don't tell your sister you will pay for her but make sure you give her at least 150 dollars if it is a nice wedding. that would cover 50 per person. Your girlfriend sounds like she needs some self confidence. I went to two different wedding with my husband when we were dating (one was even in Ireland) and I did not know anyone and he was standing in the wedding. I was fine. Its an hour in the church. You eat real quick, and then you two can be together. That is sad that she can't be "alone" for three hours.

Answer 7

This is a toughie. I can understand how your girlfriend feels - there's nothing worse than being surrounded by people who all know each other and you don't know a soul.

But your idea of her bringing a friend is a good one - is there space for one? If not, then spend the next few weeks helping your gf to get to know your family better so she doesn't feel quite so alone.

But people at weddings are generally happy and talkative - so I wouldn't think she's going to sit there being ignored all day.

She's going to be far more conspicuous by her absence than her presence, and if your sister has invited her, then she should try to be there.

Good luck

Answer 8

do you and your girlfriend live near your family? is there a distance factor here?

i liked the idea you had about your girlfriend bringing a friend so that she wouldnt be alone and not knowing anybody. thats really considerate on your part.

why not make sure that she gets to know at least some of your family before the wedding? there will always be somebody at a wedding that doesnt feel real comfortable. i think that maybe if the girlfriend met your family and really liked a couple of them that she could sit with the ones that she knows so that she will feel more comfortable.

Answer 9

having people you dont want to do at your wedding is difficult, I know I always said If i ever got married there would be no one there that I didnt want to be! Realistically though, things dont always work out that way, you could both put the people you dont like on a table far away out of your sights??? You two are 7 months into the realtionship, and nothing is carved is stone, id someone felt badly about it I didnt want me at their wedding Id say fine - thats your decision, however, when it comes to my wedding - they wont be at mine either! I wouldnt feel comfortable dumped in the middle of a bunch of strangers people id never met in such a social occasion, I definitely WOULD want to be sat with my guy, cant you go sit with her? Ask the groom to make an excpetion???? Im sure she will make the effort to mingle, I would and I can talk to anyone from any walk of life, still its important that you do things as a couple, and to be seen as such, for a day's sacrifice its worth it, I think.

Answer 10

I don't see anything wrong with you communicating to your sister that your girlfriend would feel uncomfortable "mingling" with a bunch of people she didn't know well. Many people wouldn't be comfortable in this situation. This woman is not your wife who's been around your family for years, she's fairly new in your life, and I don't think it would be a breach of etiquette if she didn't show - as long as it's all worked out beforehand, and no one's feelings get hurt.

But family politics do get in the way sometimes; do you think your family would start mumbling behind your back? Would they see it as a sign of disrespect? Perhaps, it would have been best for everyone if you just came up with some excuse for her not to go - like, she's going out of town to meet her long-lost half brother who is passing through the United States on his way from the jungles of Africa to the rainforest of South America? I don't know, something like that!