can i do to get back to normal
2006-08-04 07:50:06 · 109 answers · asked by Anna B 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sweetie if this man physically assaulted U then PLEASE remember that if he'll do it once he WILL do it again.
I'm not sure there is any way to get back to "normal" after something like that.
2006-08-04 07:53:39 · answer #1 · answered by HeartsOnFire 2 · 8⤊ 1⤋
Well, now that you have seen his true colors and what he is capable of, why stick around?
How can you get it back to normal? YOU CAN"T. You need to move on, honey. You deserve better.
If you want to stay with him, get out of the way and let him resolve his own issues.
What if it were something else, say child porn, rather than violence? How can you look at him the same way (without making any excuses for him)?
You are probably feeling ripped off, like"this is NOT what I signed up for" and "I want what I ordered" but sometimes it doesn't work that way,
Those fabulous shoes that are three sizes too small will never fit, no matter what you do, so don't buy them! Know what I mean? Don't stay with him, hoping he will change. That won't work, and it will cause you much pain. If he has a problem, and really wants you in his life, he will be motivated to get help and fix it.
You are scared for a reason, and a good one. He has a problem he needs to resolve, and you are in the way of resolving it, just be being there..
Get away from him and get him some help. Maybe when he acknowledges what he has done, why he loses control, and how it affects other people, maybe he will make peogress.
Don't stick around and hold him back from that. Besides, sticking around sends him the message that it is OK to treat you that way, and not to fix his problem. It enables him to think he can get away with it and blame someone else for his shortcomings.
Know this: It is HIS problem to fix, not yours. And it's not your fault he cannot control his own rage. He needs to take responsibility for himself, and you cannot "Fix" him no matter how much you love him.
Good luck and take care!
2006-08-04 08:07:01 · answer #2 · answered by pandora the cat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he has done it once, he will do it again. I can say for certainty, as I was once an abuser. Trying to get help for him most likely will not work. Do get some for yourself so that you will understand what the real problem is. I suspect he will swear that such a thing will never happen again. DO NOT believe this drivel. The problem is his! DO not let allow him to try and switch the blame. While a restraining order is good, it will not keep him from stalking, threatening or perhaps injuring you again. Neither will divorce, but that is exactly what I would recommend, UNLESS, he will willingly accept counseling, and to continue with and work at healing until such time that a psychologist/psychiatrist sees fit to release him. Six months of weekly sessions probably will not help, be prepared for at least a year ot two of work.
It will also be work for you, so unless you are prepared to make the necessary sacrifices along with your husband, see a divorce attorney immediately.
2006-08-04 08:05:25 · answer #3 · answered by h2odog 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everyone says file a restrainng order. Let me tell you that it is nothing but a piece of paper. Nothing can stop him if he wants to really hurt you.
File an aggravated assault charge, he will do time in some states. Get the restraining order just to get it on the records. Get the hell out of there sweetie. If you have any young children take them too as he may turn on them.
Get a gun and learn the right way to use it. If he ever comes at you again, shoot the low life bastard and claim self-defense.
2006-08-04 08:27:06 · answer #4 · answered by CARL Z 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you still living with this man? I have been here once, My boyfriend hit me and I picked up a iron skillet and hit him back.
Back to normal? If you mean back to normal with him ( Things will never be normal with him you will always have that in the back of your mind and you will be scared ) there is no excuse for a man who hits on a woman I DON'T CARE IF HE WAS UNDER STRESS. don't take it, get a restraining order and please make sure the police know what he did.... Now getting back to your life take one day at a time ( maybe seek some therapy ) I'm really not sure about therapy but it's always good to have people to talk to.. Talk with your family, get support, go running, get outside, and don't feel sorry for yourself....Things happen deal with it and tell yourself you will never let this happen again...Good luck!
p.s if you ever need someone to talk to my e-mail is ,, HopSkipNGoNakked@yahoo.com.. don't hesitate
2006-08-04 07:57:27 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he did it on purpose I think you should be scared. Has he done it before and do you think he'll do it again? I would need to know these things before giving an answer that I think could help you. I have been in that situation before and stayed in the relationship too long. I thought he would "change". We tried counseling. It didn't work out and I left him. Ironically he is not like that anymore so it may have just been that our chemistry wasn't compatible or whatever you might say. At the least seek counseling - together and individually.
2006-08-04 07:57:23 · answer #6 · answered by Maggie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to file a police report and request an emergency temporary restraining order (TRO). If you do not document these incidents, you will have an extremely difficult time proving this in court in front of a judge. I know this because I am a lawyer. Get out of the house and stay with family and/or friends. It is imperative that you are around people who can witness any additional abuse and assist and protect you. You can do this. You will find someone who really loves you and it is not him. Please seek help right away.
2006-08-04 07:55:49 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Abusive men can be very intimidating. They tend to isolate and convince their victims that no one will be able to help them. I'm guessing that he's threatened to take his vengeance further if you seek help. It's all a bluff. He is a coward and he's terrified you will find a way out. Make out a police report, get a restraining order, go to a shelter. Here is the biggest hold these losers have on women, we tend to want our "stuff". Let that sh*t go. It's a price you have to pay for safety, for your life. This is how women get killed. Take what you need and head out the door. If you have children, he'll try to use them as leverage, don't let him. It's not healthy for your children to witness this type of behavior. It only perpetuates one way or another. If your family doesn't provide support, go to a women's shelter. I can't enforce that one enough. There is always somewhere you can go. This isn't the 70s anymore. You have options, you have support.
2006-08-04 08:05:25 · answer #8 · answered by *~*~*~~~His Angel~~~*~*~* 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The fact there that your scared of him suggests you think it will happen again and if this is the case then it will never get back to normal unless he gets some help for his behaviour, in the mean time you should have a good think about whether you are willing to stay with a man that your scared of and does this?
2006-08-04 07:54:57 · answer #9 · answered by tooti-frutti 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, find out where you can possibly stay, then go to the police and file a report and for a restraining order and ask for police escort to remove your stuff from home, hopefully he will not be there at the time. When you leave, file for a divorce. Try to find out about legal aid through the government if you can not afford it. Try to move far away from him so he will not be able to find you easily. It is important to report it because if you do, there will be a record of abuse and if, God forbid, he attacks you and you have to defend yourself and you hurt him, you will have a better chance of getting off because they will have a record of his continuous abuse and they will believe that you did try to defend yourself and did not go with the intention to hurt him. If you hurt him even in self defense and they believe you did it intentionally and you don't have that record of abuse, you can go to jail. Even if you swear that you were defending yourself and they believe otherwise, that will be it. Protect yourself, especially if you have children. Never stay in the area where he lives. Try to go as far away as possible. I really hope you will not stay there and wait for him to end your life. It is a situation that will never change, but just keep getting worse. That is a fact. May God keep you safe.
2006-08-04 08:24:47 · answer #10 · answered by killerlegs 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What do you mean your husband injured you, in what way did he injure you? Go to a doctor and leave your husband before he does it again. When you ask if you can get back to normal, it depends on what is wrong.
2006-08-04 11:16:34 · answer #11 · answered by Curious39 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋