How would you handle this without making the guy feel totally worthless?

Question

My buddy is about 22yrs of age. No high school education, no GED and been in and out of jail. Just hung around the bad crowd always stayed in trouble. Now he is out of jail for about 1yr. I got him a job where i work and he has been doing good with the job and all and staying out of trouble. He has no drivers license, no car. Doesn't have to many bills just cell phone, rent and cable. I drive him everywhere and its getting really old. But we do pretty much go everywhere together. Play pool,cards,and work. I just want him to start having more responsibilities about having a car. Having car payments,paying for gas, maintaining the car and insurance and all the adult things that come with being with an adult. I want him to want to grow up get his own car and education. But i dont want to step on his toe either? I just want whats best for him in the long run. Were like brothers. I totally have his back but I cant always be there and when im gone i want him to be able to be ok.

Answer 1

Its very admirable of you to want to help your buddy. It shows your a good man, but you cannot force your beliefs or your standards on another person. Unfortunately he will have to fall down and make his mistakes and learn just like we all do. As much as you want to help, by doing the things you do for him, you are providing him with a safety net. He doesn't NEED to be responsible because your doing it for him. You know what you need to do. I wish you and he well. All the best to you both.

Answer 2

I would let him know that you would like him to start paying some of the cost of driving him. I would suggest that you start making different plans little by little.
When a mother eagle wants the babies to leave the nest she takes out the part that makes the nest comfortable and it encourages the babies to leave. I would suggest that you just start taking the "feathers" out of the nest. Don't be mean. You may also want to start out by "helping" him to get into a situation that he has to have a drivers license. Make plans to go overseas and invite him. He will have to get a drivers license. Be creative. Go visit a car dealerships under the guise that you want to look for your next car and make sure that he comes along. Make it an "information gathering" trip. He will move in the direction that he is looking.

Answer 3

Dont just give him fishes all the time but learn him how to fish.You can't do him any more good than what you had been doing all these times.It's his life,you can't steer that for him.Believe me once he knows the techniques,he'll have so much fishes to fry that he'd be forever grateful to you. Give him his independence so he'd get out of his shell,and grow as a person.Give him that freedom so you stop worrying about him...he's an adult having more experiences in the past and if he wants to build up his future,there's no better way than a good use of today.

You're a good friend he's lucky to have.You may act as his mentor but you can't act in behalf of his role.
If your wish is to see him shine,don't stand in his way and overshadow him.

Answer 4

I would just say, "Hey, you know you're like a brother to me and you know I'm there for you but I can't always be there and when I'm gone I want you to be able to be o.k." "Have you thought about saving money for a car or going for your GED?" "'ll help you however I can"

That's what I'd say to him. Maybe he just needs a friend to help him sit down and write down some goals. It sounds like he might want those things he just might not have the skills to goal set and plan.

I hope this helps. Good luck.

Answer 5

You explained it very well to us. I'd explain it very much the same. I'd tell him, essentially, "You've come a long way from the life you had before, and I'm ready and willing to help you take the next steps towards the life you want in the future." Then tell him your ideas. Don't push. Don't criticize. And I hope he realizes how lucky he is to have such a good friend. Good luck.

Answer 6

Brothers don't do brothers that way. Find out, take him to look at cars, then if he doesn't buy one, when you go for gas, come up short and ask for it, make it a habit. Stop treating him like a baby brother. Why should he grow up? He's got it made.

Answer 7

Answer this:

Do you really want him to grow up because you have his back, or do you want him out of your hair a bit.

If you really have his back, sit down with him, tell him that, and try to work out a plan where you can help him improve.

If you just need space, make the space for yourself and try to stay his friend. Don't try to change him -- it ain't gonna work.

Answer 8

well i would try 2 get him 2 do things 4 himself. tell him that no girl would think bout going anywhere wit him if they knew he doesn't have a car. n ask him if he wants a car 2 save money 2 get 1. Then try 2 show him Whit would it b like if he had his own car, like coming n going when u want. try it. then email me @ [e-mail]. tell me hope u find help.

Answer 9

WOW. SOUNDS LIKE A TUFFY.
WHY DONT YOU HELP YOUR FRIEND TO FIRST GET A DRIVERS LIICENCE, IF HE PASSES, THEN HELP HIM LOOK FOR A CAR OF HIS OWN ECT.... AND IF HE DOESNT, WELL I THINK YOU ARE WASTING YOUR TIME ON SOMETHING THATS IMPOSSIBLE. GIVE HIM TIME TO GROW UP MORE, HOW OLD ARE YOU?

Answer 10

set him down and set him straight!! may him take responsiblilty for his new and future actions by making him buy the gas one week, pay part of the electric bill, make him mow the yard. ect......