I just recently told my SO about what happened to me. I know that what happened to me was not my fault and in many ways I have gotten over what happened to me. I have never told anyone other than my mother, who's reaction to it was to 'forgive and forget' and she begged me not to tell anyone or go to the authoritys with this. I guess I feel like people will look at me differently(in a negative way) if they know what happened to me. My SO have been together for a couple of years and our relationship is pretty serious now, and last night we were talking and it all just came out. Was I wrong in telling him? Am I still the same person to him? Or do you think this changes everything if your SO tells you something like this? Any advice please. Confused.
2006-08-04 06:23:24 · 11 answers · asked by h_nanny 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The sad fact is that there are a lot of us out there, and doesn't shock anyone. Assuming that he isn't bent on some pure virgin it shouldn't be a problem. It will help him in knowing where you are coming from. The big thing is to not let it sour your mindset, especially when it comes to intimacy.
Forgive? No. Forget? No. Refuse to be a permanent victim? absolutely. Be who you are, not what was done to you.
2006-08-04 06:40:21 · answer #1 · answered by brinntache 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do u feel angry at the person who did this to u? Do u think the experience changed u?
I dont know what an SO is, but if he cares abt u then he will support u, and it wont change much for him. Being honest is always the best idea, so this is just something that u must get passed together. As in, u have had this experience, and so u must now tell this to ppl in order to be 100% honest with them.. it is ur burden, but u dont have to be 100% with everyone.
And u have to decide if YOU want to take action against this, and what it has left u with.
Also, do YOU think that it should change his view of u, are u a different person now that u have told him, are u different from the rest of society in such a big way?
I think that if he loves u now, it should not matter, because ur still the same person.
2006-08-04 13:34:42 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he really loves you he will get over it. It was conversation. But if he sees that you are very depressed all the time and can't leave the past alone then you might want to seek counseling. I say this because I have been through the same but life does go on just the same. Good luck if you just ever need to vent or talk email me at thistle4321@sbcglobal.net.
God Bless and be strong.
2006-08-04 13:46:50 · answer #3 · answered by florie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
did you seek any counseling? I f you are with someone a few years, will he should know you and not blame you. Yes i feel you should be honest all tell him , I don't think he will look differently at you. But if you feel he is. I hate to tell you this it may be you that feels unworthy, you are not to blame remember this , you told the truth. You are set free the truth does that, i know from the same experience myself. You are a survivor now not a victim, hold you head very high because you are a Good person. believe in your self. if you need to talk, go to my profile and contact me, i may be able to help you with what you are dealing with .
good luck and may you find the peace in your heart.
2006-08-04 14:21:00 · answer #4 · answered by RAINBOW 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You feel close to your SO and is natural that you felt compelled to tell him. I'm sure that he will not see you differently and will love you the same, however, men are not good with advice and emotional talk and you might get dissapointed that he didn't react to this and feel confused.
Let me tell you dear, Men don;t know how to handle this situations as men are FIXERS and if you come up to him with a big issue like this, he is going to get frustrated as he cannot help you. For you just the fact that he listened is enough, but for men is not the same. Girls talk and communicate, men fix problems, If cannot fix or help the sitiation then he is going to feel incopetent and extremely frustrtated.
Second, you told your SO your story but don;t use it as emmotional bait, blackmail or as an attention getter for you to seek his emotional support. You said that you are over it, so let it be that. You informe him so he would not be surprosed if you have some intimacy issues, but don;t use it as an excuse for everything.
Third, men run away from women that have emotional bagagge (because of reason number one) and beacuse they realize that they have to put up with it. Are you over that or not? If not, then seek therapy to solve your issued, but don;t put it upon him to help you see the light, he is your boyfriend and not a licensed therapist.
I'm sorry that this happend to you. I'm tryinng to give you helpful and honest advice here.
Best of luck
2006-08-04 13:38:58 · answer #5 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, I am very sorry that you had to endure something so horrible. I hope that your SO will understand, maybe even feel closer to you because you shared something so personal with him. After what you have gone through, you truly deserve to have a man in your life that understands you, and loves who you are no matter what the past held. Best of luck to you.
2006-08-04 15:07:45 · answer #6 · answered by tear streaked angel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your SO is good, understanding person then nothing should change between you too. He should feel good that you love him enough to tell him something like this. I personally don't think it would change your relationship. What happen to you is not your control, he should understand that. And if he don't then he is not the one.
2006-08-04 13:33:59 · answer #7 · answered by Rain040792 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
not sure what so is. your mother should have reported the guy when you told her. my son's mom had been raped at 5. she told her mother then. she said and did nothing like your mom. my son,s mom has suffered 25 years of pshychiaric problems because of the abuse long ago. you may be able to prosecute and get damages, depending on your state laws. check with district atty.
2006-08-04 13:59:01 · answer #8 · answered by sinned 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it will change anything. My husband told me before we were married that he was molested by a neighbour at age 4. I felt badly for him, but it didn't change how much I love or care about him. Everything, whether it be good or bad makes us who we are today.
2006-08-04 13:33:17 · answer #9 · answered by AsianPersuasion :) 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
telling your so was a great way of opening up your relationship to a whole new level...you now have the opportunity for a deeper intamacy..your so will not see you differently...however, they may have more tender feelings toward you and you will need to explore this topic with them further
2006-08-04 13:33:02 · answer #10 · answered by jada 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋