Greed wears a crown of thorns and dies on a plus sign for your dollar signs. Time is on loop and it's goes:
PLAY,STOP,REWIND. PLAY,STOP,REWIND. It reminds one that minds refuse to evolve or believe it is possible at all. Abstraction written off as insanity while vanity stands tall. Fixation with material gain is now art with acclaim in platinum frames. The frame or lattice is plain as savage rats play your average game. It's comparing improvasational jazz to toy trains. I would write a haiku but it couldn't contain these crude thoughts. A misconstrued plot about a man that time forgot...to leave home. It can be percieved that the unknown is all that's known and we're alone. My soul is accident prone as my travels spawn tomes read intone. Mother Earth tries to ride side-saddle and clips the pegasus' wing. Sister moon comes soon and flowers swoon for spring. Perhaps these words are too fleet a thing or perhaps the mind has too slow a swing. We are either playing catch or catching up...?
2006-08-04 05:46:02 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
i like it... it has nice meter, and some very clever wraparound rhymes... i'd give it an 8.25 : ).. and that is really good in my book
good luck
it will be perfect with another draft and a revision...poems can evolve into what they want to be : )
2006-08-04 05:55:21 · answer #1 · answered by Carly j 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
1
2006-08-04 12:49:13 · answer #2 · answered by NBGirl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i rate that a 10, with 10 snaps. It was beautiful, i never heard something so true that it moves me and this was it. I hope u dont mind, but im going to hang this up in my room and read it to everyone i know, so they can hear the beauty in it. I wish the world could change by reading a poem. My parents will probably love this one the most. All this needs now is some music to go with it while sayin it, but it dosent really need it, it can be said either way.
2006-08-04 12:53:56 · answer #3 · answered by Tasha 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I stopped reading it after the first few sentences. I don't understand what the point of the poem is. It wasn't the greatest, I've read better poems before. Sorry.
2006-08-04 12:52:37 · answer #4 · answered by ms.rox_ur_sox 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
6. I was with you 'til you got onto that whole Mother Earth and Sister Moon track. Interesting, though
2006-08-04 12:50:58 · answer #5 · answered by anthonydavidpirtle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Eject the reject. Sounds like a white boy rap
2006-08-04 12:49:48 · answer #6 · answered by michaelyoung_airforce 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd like it better if you wrote it w/ more emphasis on the format... Make it more presentable to the reader. I liked most of it - I'll give you a:
7
2006-08-04 12:51:26 · answer #7 · answered by abcinco 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I got it at the beginning, but Ilost you after the third sentence...It's too deep for me..but it sounds like something Shakespeare would have scribbled down or something...i dunno(don't listen to me)
2006-08-04 12:52:17 · answer #8 · answered by dirnt3x 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I rate it as a ten for a rap song. Rap just tells it like it is, spins a story, or makes a statement...I think you have it covered.
2006-08-04 12:52:17 · answer #9 · answered by riverhawthorne 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow. well if that's really how you feel then i think it's great you have the ability to put it into words like that. good for you. i'll give it an 8!
2006-08-04 12:51:05 · answer #10 · answered by Teri D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋