would you stay with your husband if he was a heroin addict and could not be helped.?

Question

There was nothing we have not tried but he couldnt help it after 5 years of trying he has lost his job, family, friends, respect and dignity. I left as it was also doing my mental health serious damage. it is still damaging me knowing someone i love is in so much pain and there is nothing i can do about it.

you cannot imagine the pain, when i do go to see him to comfort him it just hurts more.please please please help im dying and so is he. its been 9 months since i left and time has not worked as a healer for me.

Answer 1

no

Answer 2

Don't keep punishing yourself with this. It's not worth it. You need more confidence in yourself and should know that everyone deserves to be happy, and that includes you. You only have limited time, and it's time you do the things that matter to you, and not for others.

Your husband is broken and cannot be fixed. Don't blame yourself for this. It's not your responsibility to make him better, or to comfort him anymore. You did your best, it's time to go on with your life and never look back.

I know it's hard to get over things, but you should really seek therapy and join support groups who are going through the same things so you don't feel alone. You should FIND YOUR PASSION and immerse yourself in it to heal old wounds and to create serenity in your life. You can still do activities that make each day pleasant. Don't focus on the past. The past is over. Look at yourself in the mirror and know where you are now and what you can do from now on.

Everyone has their own regrets, some people dwell on them, knowing the fact that they can't be changed, when you can instead focus on the NOW and learn that you have the power to do something positive right now and create a better future.

Have hope. Good luck and I wish you well.

Answer 3

If you feel like you put in the effort to help him, and he still isn't better, then the fault lies on him. You can only help someone that wants to be helped.

You need to focus on you; get yourself happy again, and back to a good place. If he doesn't have a job or family, or friends, how can he expect you to stay around. Move on......you don't have to explain your actions. I would seriously consider leaving my wife if I even found she was using drugs at all. i love her to death but drugs cause a lot of problems and until she could prove to me that she wouldn't ever do it again, I would have serious problems with that. Your husband obviously can not or will not do what he needs to do, so leave, and stay gone. Don't visit him for awhile, he shouldn't be aloud to destroy your life.

Disease.....drugs are not a disease, if you told me had cancer, i would totally think differently. He chose to put those drugs in his body, full knowing that they are harmful and addicting. Drugs, cigarettes, alcohol, are not diseases, they are mans way of easing some kind of pain, temporarily. Unfortunately, those same fixes cause more pain. I cry BS on the DISEASE thing.

Answer 4

Your husband is in love with heroin, not you.

Would you stay with him if he were sleeping with another woman every night in your own bedroom...while you were home???

You did what you could. Move on.

Even if it takes you another 5 years to deal with the hurt it will be worth every painful step. The alternative is what? A lifetime of heartache?

Sometimes people pull out of it when they've got nothing left. There are great men and women who've rededicated their lives to helping others after having gone through horrible addictions.

There's always hope, so wish him the best and stop living every day loving someone who does not love you back.

Let it go.

Answer 5

You need to support your husband and see that he gets the help that he so badly needs. When you got married you said the vows "for better or worse". It seems that this is a "worse" but you have to stand by him. It's hard to see someone you love killing themselves but god never gives you more then you can handle. Explain to him that you love him and always will BUT he has to go into rehab/detox and get the help. Tell him that you will be there for him every step of the way. Try to save him if you can. You legally can't make him get help but tell him that you want him back and that if he doesn't get help you will not stand around and watch him kill himself. You could also try to have an intervention for him... That's where the whole family sits down and shows him that they still care and love him and you help give him the push he needs to get his life back on track. Good Luck. Please don't give up, it could take years to overcome a drug addiction ! Take Care

Answer 6

So if he has lost everything up to this point why would you leave him. That is so not what he needs. He needs someone to love him (remeber your vows). He needs someone to stand by him everyday and tell him that can over come and be himseilf again. You need to do your best to get him into rehab. I know thats its hard but tell him that rehab is better them prison. If after everything you both have been throu together and you leave him ( you have not left him yet you still see him and confort him, and I know by the way you typed you still love him greatly) alone it will kill him. He needs you more then you think.

I can't really tell you what to do to help but leaving him alone is not the answer. Good Luck and I hope all turns out for the best.

Answer 7

You did the right thing. If you leaving him didn't make him realize that he is wrong, then he is not worth it. Plus he is not the man you married, it's the drugs talking. I'm sorry about what has happened to you, but keep your head high and find a man who loves you and not the drugs. Also, you need to stop seeing him. That is a big reason why you can't move on. Good luck, I hope everything works out for you!

Answer 8

My opinion: You were right to leave - if someone is a herion addict you can only do so much for them, the rest they have to do themselves. Meanwhile, you don't deserve to have your life destroyed just because someone else is destroying his. It sounds like you are trying to hang on to your husband - I'd say let it all go and properly start again. It might also be the kick he needs to sort himself out this time, and who knows where you'll both be in 5 years. Put yourself first for a change, and give it lots of time, and it will improve.

Answer 9

If he doesn't want to be helped, nobody can help him. And when I say that he wants help he should really mean it, not just say it.

You've done all that u can for him. Now it is time for u. He made his choices in life and now he is living the consequences of his choices. There is nothing more u can do, but keep giving it time (as much as u need) to get over this and move on.

In addition, maybe, for your sake, you should not see him anymore, at least not until you are feeling better emotionally.

Answer 10

Are you seeing a therapist or in a support group? It can really help with the healing process. This is something I wouldn't wish on anyone. I know that you are in an immense amount of pain and I am deeply sorry. It takes time to heal and I hope that you will find peace.

Answer 11

Sounds very awful that you believe that your husband cannot be helped. I realize that in order for him to receive help he has to honestly want it, but perhaps he will someday awaken and realize the extent that his substance use is having on his life.

As for staying with him that is entirely your choice. There are self-help groups like NarcAnon for people like yourself. Perhaps if you were to attend some of these meetings you can learn how to not only help out your partner but more importantly help yourself. I myself have been clean and sober for a number of years and am sure that once upon a time my family and friends also thought that there was no help for me. But I was lucky and quit and now enjoy my sobriety more than using. Best of luck to you and your husband.