my husband cheated on me .should i forgive him or not?

Question

my husband cheated on me.my heart was broken. He told me that he would never do thisagain. but i do not believe. he talked me abouthis guilty only two times.and haveno any talk to me.iam so disappointedthat i do notwant to talk to him. neither he talk nor i . what should i do . should i talk first, should i forgive him or not.

Answer 1

Forgive him, so your soul is clean. But leave him. The trust has been broken. Once that's gone, the scar is there forever. "Forgiving" does not constitute maintaining the relationship. Kinda like the hot-stove thing: I touched the hot stove once, so I'm not gonna touch the darn thing again! Trying with the relationship again would be reaching for the hot stove again. You can find better.

Answer 2

There was a similar question in this category, the question was regading what one can do to save a marriage if it's failing. I gave my opinion on it and I've attached the response, I think it may help you on making a decision. Let's leave religion out of it; it only complicates matters.

the following is what I wrote:
very complicated question....it's not clear if it affects you or you're just asking to open up a thread of discussion. Marriage failure is very complex and involves both parties; assuming that you have been faithful to one another but have grown apart, it is possible that it was not meant to be. However; if either party has strayed, then it is a more complex situation; let assume that you were cheated on; then you need to analyze what the root cause might have been for him to stray from you. I am not saying it was your fault, but you have to analyze your actions and then do the same for his. It could be that the sexual intimacy has deteriorated to the point that he's no longer interested. However, sex is not the most importatnt aspect of marriage, it is uncompromised love and deep respect for each other that binds the marriage (let's leave religion out of the picture) . The sex is just as good as each other's want and experience and should not be the main reason for marriage failure.
When two people stop respecting each other, all trust gone and love dissapears, it's best to move on and learn from the experience. Even if one cheats and is forgiven by the other for whatever the reason was, the relationship will not be the same again no matter what, some experts agree on this. I think the reason is that once the damage is done, the trust is gone and no matter what you do, it's always in the back of your mind whether it will happen again. The one that cheated will find that they are always questioned and forced to explain any little thing out of the ordinary, it becomes a task just to stay in the relationship. I know a lot of religious advice will be given; but usually speaking from faith is not the answer because it usually will make you feel guilty and the truth is, human nature drives our life with whatever religious belief you have.
So that leaves us with the last scenario, if both of you really want to save the marriage, go to counseling and find out the root cause. It may still turn out that after all the effort, you may not want to be married to each other, whatever the reason is, make the right decision and hope for the best. When it's time to move on, do so with respect for each other and don't break up with anger (assuming neither was cheated on right?)....as I said, too complex of a question...good luck!

Answer 3

Been there. Only you can make this decision. You must ask yourself if you love him enough to be able to live with his mistake. You will hurt over it for a long time, and there is little anyone can say or do to make you feel any better about it. Time will make it better, but it will forever be a painful memory. Don't make any decision based upon what friends or family say you should do, or what you've seen on television or read in books. Make your decision based upon what your heart tells you to do, and never feel like you have to justify it to anyone. If you love him so much that you cannot imagine life without him and you think that his absence from your life would be worse than the pain your'e feeling right now, then try to stick it out. As someone said in an answer to one of my questions, "All marriages are worth saving, unless abuse or drugs are involved." My heart goes out to you.

Answer 4

If you truely love him, and dont want to live without him, do you really have achoice but to forgive? Everyone makes mistakes and deserves a second chance, but dont let him do it again. Make sure he knows that you are letting off the hook once, but a second time wont be tolerated.
Id also suggest being stricter with him. Make him tell you were he is going, who is going with and all that. Tell him that since he cheated you are going to keep closer tabs on him now. If he doesnt like it, he most likely isnt very sorry for what he did and that means you should drop him.

Answer 5

1st do you have children? If yes try seeing a counseler. As they say "once a cheater always a cheater". Have you been married long? I would try to talk to him and find out why he felt the need to do this. There is usually an underlaying problem that could be resolved. Other times its something in their pants that seems to be controlling them and if that is the case I would not forgive.

Answer 6

you should have some revenge sex, but if it doesnt make you feel better, you should definately take some alone time and reflect on what he and you are doing wrong, think about the future and see if he's a part of that future. Remember, only you can figure out whats best for you, not one answer anyone gives you will help you to get what you want. Good luck and happy searching

Answer 7

Well you said in your question you do not believe him when he said the would not cheat on you again. This obviously means you think he cannot be trusted. In my opinion I do not think it is possible to have a healthy relationship without trust. Your husband is supposed to be your best-friend, your lover and your confidant. I do not think you should continue in this relationship. Cheating is a deal-breaker for me. How can I spend the rest of my life with a man I do not trust? How can you do it? From what you have said it does not sound as though either of you wants to fight for the marriage. I say just move on. Your husband's sexual activities are not healthy for the relationship or you. God only knows who he is sleeping with and let's hope he is using protection! Move on.

Answer 8

Forgive him for lying to you. You need to find a Christian counselling center. This will get to the root of why he felt like cheating would be a good idea. It will also help you to get over your feelings of disgust and rejection. This is something that most people simply cannot work through on their own, and need a trained outside party to help you out. Read "The DNA of relationships". I don't remember the author, but you are welcome to email me and I will find it for you.

Answer 9

once a cheater always a cheater. if u dont believe me hun, go on a break without him for two weeks. Sweety if u cant even look at him how are u going to spend the rest of ur life with him? dump him! i mean if u did what he did, what wud he of done? honest
hope this helps u

Answer 10

You better start communicating if you want to save your marriage. Communication is the only way to get thru this. Once you two talk about what happened and you understand his reasons for doing it...then decide if you want to forgive him and move on....But discuss it thoroughly it may take days, weeks to get to the bottom of it, but don't give up if you want to save your marriage.