I am 27 with a 5 yr old daughter. My Bf who I have been with for a year is 37 with a 8 yr old son of his own.?

Question

My daughter & I have our own issues that we need to deal with because of her behavior, it's hard to be a single mother & I have been the only consistant thing in her life for the last 5 years, her father is not in the picture unless it's good for him, so I have stopped letting him take her because he can't help me support her and cant take care of himslef, I am thinking he still has a drug problem, can't hold a job.

So Bf & I don't get may breaks from her & her & I tend to fight about things more than being a loving mother and daughter team, she test me constantly which is something kids do. My current b4 has a 6 month streak where he can't deal with her and I fighting & doesn't want his son to be around that, he compares our 2 kids, which is unfair, cuz his son has always had both of his parents in his life . He thinks I need help with her attitude, but dosn't seem to want to step in as a father figure. He tried for a couple days & she tested him. He couldn't take it. HELP!

Answer 1

I'd highly recommend, a little "Counseling" for all of you......You could maybe, even get it for , FREE, since, you cant get breaks, theirs obviously a bit of a financial crunch, going on, and that can cause problems, right there,all by itself, for all of you........Your daughter, is obviously "Jealous" that she doesn't have Mom all too herself, anymore. .And I could see, how she's feeling left-out.....Your getting all the Attention, and she's probably resenting you , for your decision, in getting a BF., all together.........I would sit you Beau, down and talk to him, and see if he'll allow you two to have "One on One" time alone, together, a couple times a week,you know......And I would just explain, to her, on those days, that you really care about this man, but that its hard on you sometimes, to just show her all the "Attention" now, that you have a "Love-life" and see if you can get her too understand how "Lonely" you were before he came along, that you are a "Grown-up" and you do need another grown-up around, to help you to share grown-up conversations, etc....But, make her feel that, there's also times, you miss your time with just her,,And that's why your getting these, times alone with her, now.....But, that she needs to respect the whole new environment, now, that its changed, but that your still going to have your alone time with her, and because, your reaching out to her, if she could do a little bit of sacrificing her behaviour, around them, for you........That they dont understand this behaviour, and you fear it might make him, start to resent her,because, of her behaviour,,and you dont want him, to dislike her, because,of this........That you want all of you too get along........But, I would continue, the one-on-one, times with her, even if she starts to behaving........Just to make her feel more secure, about her relationship with you, for her sake.......You know what I mean? I sure hope so, because, its hard for kids too adjust too someone else, being in their Mommy's life, and having things turned all "Topsy-Turvy" on them, from one day, to the next.......Its a little bit, scary, even,..My sister& I went through that, and it was a very confusing time, for us.........Your daughter has got to be feeling as though she's lost her Mom, to a certain, degree........That's how we felt, so if you spend this time alone with her, she wont feel as left out......And I'd really let her know how much this man means to you, but how much, your feeling about her attitude, towards all of this.......That its making you & him, feel very "Uncomfortable"........Just try hard to let her know, how much it would mean to you, if she could just bend a little to give them a chance..........For myself, personally thats why I wont date anymore, until my kids are much older, for fear, of this happening to us, too.......Good-Luck, to you, & remember, she was there , first.........