I have been married for over 10 yrs... we have 3 kids, all elementary school age. He has never volunteered to take the kids anywhere with him, he has to be told to help get them ready for school and bed, and when he isnt working he is sleeping.. When we sit down and discuss anything he starts crying saying.. I dont want to loose you and the kids, yall are my life.... How in the heck to I make him see that we feel like we come in second and third to his buddies and his work?.... He is also saying.. Just because I am not home, doesnt mean I am out having fun... leaves work to play golf, stays after work to play basket ball, and weekends plays golf or helps his buddies..... Why do they act like this?
2006-08-04 03:49:37 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
anytime I do plan something for myself, the night before.. OH I forgot you were doing that I have to work tomorrow....
And I know all men are not like this... I was just meaning the ones who do behave this way.. why... KUDOS to all you single or stay home dads... I admire men like you, and wish I had one like you..
2006-08-04 04:08:00 · update #1
He's very self-involved; rather narcissistic. Sure he doesn't want to lose YOU, look what you do for him!
He needs to get real.....probably counselling. Because whether he knows it or not.....he will lose you when you finally have had enough. And if he can't find time for the kids now......when they get to be teens & older they'll not have time for him. And what will you have?
2006-08-04 03:58:24 · answer #1 · answered by weddrev 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, you can't generalize. Not all men do this. I'm a stay-at-home dad and I don't have the time to have much of a life outside the family and home.
I would suggest that you try to find some balance in your marriage. Maybe find some day-long events (maybe Saturdays) that you're interested in and ask him to look after the kids for those days. Develop some interests of your own outside the family (if he can do this then why can't you). This will simultaneously give him more time with the kids and make him feel more invested in family responsibilities.
2006-08-04 11:04:21 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think playing golf and basketbal is acting single. He is doing normal male bonding and you feel left out. You feel kinda jealous because your life and work is your family and otherwise have no social life.
You need to feel productive outside the housework and find a way to schedule family dates. That means, pre-scheduled family activities, at least twice a month, so you can all do something together and have fun. This is an activity for the whole family: it could be bowling, camping, playing board games for a couple of hours. No golf friends, no going to the mall either.... think of something that you will all enjoy, mark it on the calendar and tell him in advance.
Good luck
2006-08-04 10:56:58 · answer #3 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because they thought they were doing what is best for the kids. The best thing to do is let it go, he can still be there for the kids, but you need to be happy too. Leave him and show him how it feels. Go stay with a relative and let him see how it is to take care of kids by hisself with no one who cares. They do it because they think that oh she's not busy or wants to do anything so it's okay. Get tough on him. Change the locks and give him a time to be home. You did not make those kids by yourself so you are not gonna take care of them by yourself. Start telling him what you are gonna do and tell him what he needs to do and tell him there will be serious consequences if he does not comply. I'm dead serious too. He needs to grow up and own up to his responsibilities. He's not a child.
2006-08-04 11:01:09 · answer #4 · answered by hnic_shannon 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He acts like this because......YOU LET HIM!
Do something about it if your not happy. Why can't you make plans for the weekend and leave hiim with the kids? He does it often enough! You have let him away with it for 10 years so if you aren't going to do something about it now then you never will. Put your foot down and be assertive, you need time out just as much as he does.
Come on whatever happened to girl power!!
good luck :)
2006-08-04 10:56:30 · answer #5 · answered by missilibi 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
His name isnt Tim is it? Just kidding I think your guy and my ex should get together you explained my ex to a tee. I left and am now doing the single mom thing which is way better because im not mad or wondering anymore. He still cries but it just doesnt work for me anymore. My relationship was 2 years also. I say, say goodbye and find a guy who doesnt play on your emotions.
2006-08-04 11:04:34 · answer #6 · answered by arreis 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because you let him, and he knows you are not going anywhere! If he is so energetic let him take the kids to the ball games. think about what you are saying, make it a family outing, keep him involved with you and the kids, to me it sounds more like selfish indulgence on his part.
It is really sad that you have to tell him to be involved with his own children.
2006-08-04 11:09:55 · answer #7 · answered by BlackWidow 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
His mother did everything for him and never let him grow up. You have apparently been doing the same for 10 years. Stop doing his laundry, shopping, etc. Concentrate on your children. If you have sons, raise them to be responsible men. Assign chores, use appropriate punishment for bad behavior, teach them the value of earning their pleasures. Do not allow them to have instant gratification as they will grow up to expect this is their right and not something they have to work for.
2006-08-04 10:59:56 · answer #8 · answered by pinkmtngirl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. Talk about it seriously to him, and see if you can agree on something
2. If that doesn't work, go for Marital counseling
3. If even that doesn't work, follow what "graceangeleve" said
4. If all the above still fails, it's time for a divorce.
2006-08-04 11:04:21 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry for you! He needs to look at what he is. If he were my husband I would leave him real fast like I did twelve years ago with exactly the same situation. The children and I are all happy now!
2006-08-04 10:57:55 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋