I have been married for 13 years. Husband is older (27 years)hard worker and very very good provider. The last year I have felt very lonely seem to be bring up our two children on my own . He has the been there done that . He is a good father but rarley get involved or excited with my very active lifestyle. I have started to hang around with alot more people my age and am having fun. I find myself craving attention from others wishing for a relationship that I can grow with. I have not had sex in over a year with my husband as I have been honest with my feeling and don't feel I can be intimate with someone whom I do not feel close with. He has been patient and not pushed me thinks councelling is a waste of time. He has stated that yes he did ignore my needs and want to try agian but now I feel so distant I do not know how to open up to him. In the back of my head I feel I should live my life find someone who I can shore it with but think will this happen agian with someone eles.
2006-08-04 03:42:22 · 5 answers · asked by soo 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You should first sit down and talk with your husband. Tell him your needs and your complaints and give him a chance to tell you what his needs and complaints are. You've grown distant from one another...and I'm sure that he feels it, too. You have to start talking...and then from there, you both can decide what to do. If you decide to stay together, then try and do things together and see what happens. If you decide to go your separate ways, you'll find that isn't easy either. Its not easy to be on your own...but you most certainly can do it if you want. My point it that you first must talk to your husband...if you don't, you will move on to someone else and bring those same 'problems' with you...Its not someone else that can make you happy...its YOU and only you. You've got to completely resolve an unhappy marriage to move forward to find a happy life. Don't always look for a relationship to make you happy...happiness is within you...find yourself...what makes you happy and what you like to do and not do. But, the first step is to talk to your husband and go from there.
2006-08-04 04:03:32 · answer #1 · answered by irishME 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Honey I feel for you. My husband and I have been together for 12 years, married for 10, and it hasn't been always easy. We tended to fall into exactly that--he worked, I stayed home and raised the kids, and even now I have to bug him to make time with us (he's a workaholic, good father, but some days has too much that he wants to do, most of which doesn't include us). I know that loneliness. It eats at you. And I honestly can't blame you for not wanting to trust him after years of it. That's so hard. Because you're so afraid he'll turn his back on you again, which only hurts worse in the end.
My husband wouldn't go to counseling either. So I went by myself. You can still go, you can go by yourself. My counselor gave me some tools that are actually helping, plus going to actually see made it clear to him that I was very very serious.
So far it seems to be working. We communicate more and he tries harder to meet my needs too. But about finding someone else and whether you'll have the same problems....My counselor and I talked about this (or rather, she said to me, during one of our initial visits). She said yes, that the problems would follow you. Her words to me were (not exact quote), "Why go find someone else and end up in the same position? Why not try to fix this one?" For me, it was learning to find my self esteem and stand up to my husband, not be afraid to tell him how I feel. Now I feel like a nag sometimes, but our marriage seems better for it. He seems to respect me more for it. lol
Either way, best of luck to you.
2006-08-04 04:00:41 · answer #2 · answered by I'm just me 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hapiness isnever guaranteed. One thing is for sure, you'll be injected with life and will once again. You will be able to enjoy life and be free to seek hapiness elsewhere.
Finding hapiness is a painful process and you might find heartche in the process,. specially if you go wild at the beginning.
Good luck
2006-08-04 03:51:14 · answer #3 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
unhappiness is what he feels, what ever u do in life b happy don't let how he feels get u down. that fact that u know how u feel about ur self & ur marriage will bring u to the place u need 2 b.
2006-08-04 03:52:41 · answer #4 · answered by WhyNotMe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are no guarantees.
But you're miserable now....... I dont think it'll get much worse.
2006-08-04 07:00:20 · answer #5 · answered by Alexander Shannon 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋