plz help decide wording for telling my mom i am bisexual?

Question

i have been bisexual for a week i have liked men and woman most of my life i only just admitted it to a small group of friends i wont to admit it to my mom so she wont keep thinking i want sex with the girls i hang around with ps im fourteen and i want a way to tell her so she wont tell my dad because he would slit my throut

Answer 1

I am a person that likes to get straight to the point. "Mom I am bi-sexual"; try it. It is the easiest way to get it out. I know it sounds easy but, it will be very hard to do. I wish you well and just get it out' you will feel relieved.

Good Luck!!!

Answer 2

First your 14. Are you really under such pressure to tell her? You really should think about what might happen if you do tell her?

However if you are in such a mindset of telling her, wit til you screw something else up. Then when you tell her you are bi, at least she will forget about the other mess up...lol. Joking.

The best way is to be honest. Find a time when she is not going through any stressful moments. She is going to have enough shoke to deal with. Know she is going to be shoked and most likely her intial response will not be the best. Remain calm and don't get upset at her. She will probably come around but it may take some time.

I would also suggest doing this early in the day. That way each of you can go your seperate ways for a while and not lose sleep over it. Space and some time will be key here.

When you do tell her be direct. Don't him and haw. Be polite have it well worded and don't go into details. Stand firm in your beliefs and be ready for questions.

Answer 3

Well you might want to start dropping hints to your Mom like if you are watching CNN (world news) and see a story about gay marriage say something about it. Try to see what her real views are on the subject. Maybe tell her one of your friends is bisexual (I don't like little white lies but just this time) and see if she knows about being bi or if she knows the myths.

Also ask yourself if your Mom would keep a sercert from your Dad and for how long. If you're going to tell one then at some time the other parent will find out, so be ready for that. Maybe if you think the reaction is going to be bad wait until you are older and going to college, it's not that far off.

I'm linking a site from the HRC about "coming out" as bi, it's good:
http://www.hrc.org/Content/NavigationMenu/Coming_Out/Get_Informed4/Coming_Out_as_Bi/Coming_Out_as_Bisexual.htm

And if you are going to come out to your Mom get her some info (print from computer or get a few books) so she can read about what she can do to support you and questions she may have. PFLAG has info for parents too.

Answer 4

I advise you not to tell anyone. Not until you have a back up plan because if you are in danger of violence from your father why take the risk. What can be gained from telling her or any family member. To tell her is placing a lot of strain on her. She will not be able to keep something like this from your father and if she did he would then blame her and it could cause stress in their marriage. The only thing you would get out of this is that you have placed your burden on your mother. What kind of man is that. You have friends that you have come out too. Take comfort and support of your friendships. Learn to live with your desires and keep private matters private. Later when you are responsible for your own way then tell them. Once you are not under their roof they will not be able to impact your life in a violent way. Also once you are on your own they may be able to come to terms with it a lot easier. You see a persons maturity doesn't stop developing when they grow up. My Dad is a lot more mature now than when he was my age. He is a lot better equipped to handle my life on my terms now than when he was my age. The same is true of your dad. Time is a great leveler, it levels the playing field eventually if you let it . Wait until you and your parents are on more even footing and they have less control over you. Then come clean and tell them anything that you want.

Answer 5

I already answered your last question on this. Now I will add a bit because this is a little different.

Don't tell your Mom. You can not expect her to keep a secret like that from your Dad. She is his wife and they are going to spend the rest of their lives together and you will be on your own in a few years.

Everything Randy said is correct.

You could find your self in a place or with a Dr. to turn you straight. You could be kicked out. At a minimum wait until you are 18. Ideally it should be when you are on your own and paying your own bills.

Get support from the gay community. Their are workshops, social workers, gay lesbian centers, movies, books. Read coming out stories.

Answer 6

Find yourself someone else to tell. If there's a not a gay (or GLBT) hotline or center near where you live, call http://www.glnh.org/. , which is the National Gay and Lesbian Hotline Talk to someone there. If it feels safe, talk to your school counselor. He/she may know of a local resource for gay/bi teens.

You are still a minor, and, although your feelings are real, the consequences of telling your family (especially if you think your dad will freak out) will outweigh any possible benefit from your coming out now. When you go away to college, or get a job and can afford your own place, it'll be time to consider telling them.
Good luck! And, use a condom!

Answer 7

Whoa!!!! What are you worrying about sex for at 14???? Let you mom thinks what she likes. As long as you're living under your parents' roof, you need to protect yourself. If you tell them and it goes badly, you might get thrown out of the house. Call thegay orgs in your area, the gay hotline and PFLAG. They will give you the emotional support you need. And support when you tell your folks. Please be very careful about coming out to them. You are already scared of your father's reaction, put this off for awhile. Find some adults to confide in, someone who won't spill the beans to your parents first: teacher, counselor, relative, etc. The most important thing is to hope for the best (reaction) but prepare for the worst. If your father is as closeminded as you fear, it would be good if you made some plans for staying with a friend (adult) if the you-know-what hits the fan. Right now, relax. Have fun. Hang out. Please, if you're already having sex, be prepared. NO unprotected sex!!!!!!! My best to you. Remember email pflag.

Answer 8

Hey there,
Tough situation that you are in. I really hope that some of the advice ppl have given you here has been helpful to you.

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There is a sad reality that there ARE going to be ppl that don't accept you simply on the grounds that you identify as 'bisexual'.

For instance, look at the horrifying post from "BIG B":

Although "Big B" is free to express his/her opinions on sexuality, it is a judgemental and hate-filled post. "BIG B" has regurgitated this bigotted, misinformed post in many of the Q&A's in this category.... he/she appeals to John 3:16 but clearly has no interest in showing respect, love and care for his fellow humans.

I hope that anyone else who reads this knows that "Big B" doesn't represent the views of most "Christians".
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Take care and good luck. I hope that you have support from friends and family :)

Answer 9

I think that coming out is a very emotional subject for families. If your family is very christian and or religious in any way they might be mad. However, what kind of christians would they be to hate you. My mom hates gays and if I was gay she would be so disappointed. However she wouldn't stop loving me. I think that its best to not come out until you feel a) ready or b) safe. It gets hard from there on out.

Answer 10

I understand you, it happened to me at your age, I was so shaking that sometime it was difficult to walk, I let it pass by and some times people make remarks with examples, but I knew it was about me, so I reply that let them live their lives, and little by little they accept my points.
Now after so many years I have a happy life, and I'm married with children; my wife new since we were engaged.