I tell my husband how much I love him. I tell him that he means everything to me. I to make love to him, but he never seems to want to. So I just stopped trying. I show him affection. I am sick of being the one that does everything. He only says he loves me if I say it first. He doesn't let me go out. He controls the money. He controls the cars. He controls where I am, what I do, who I talk to, and my friends. HE CONTROLS MY LIFE. Yet nobody see's it not his family, not his friends, and not my family. They all take his side and look at me like I'm a *****, because thats what he made them all think. He doesn' let me do anything, why would I act like a *****? He is making me go crazy. I went through a F*CKING MENTAL BREAKDOWN the other night and all he does is roll his eyes at me and tell me "You have no clue how good you have it because of me." Well you know what I would rather be dead then have the things you give me. Yet why can't I bring myself to leave him? I am nobody without him..
2006-08-04 03:36:18 · 24 answers · asked by Bree 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You think that way about yourself because he has completely brain washed you into thinking your nothing without him. Your emotionally attached to him proly because of everything you guys have right now. BUT what makes you think you can't make it on your own? You have the right to be happy and if he's not doing it for you then why are you with him? I think he's feeding off of your caring heart and you need to step up and let him know your not dealing with it anymore. He has issues about his own self-esteem and if you guys have tried talking to the point where you have had a mental breakdown, then there's no point slaving after someone who doesnt deserve the attention you dont even get from him. Your husband is not a man. I'm sorry. You have lost alot of your independance because he has all the control over all material....and unfortunately your emotions as well......I think you should definitely seperate. Why should you feel a prisoner in your own home honey? If I were you, I'd move fast, he may start to get violent tendencies.......Good Luck, I wish you the best. Have a good weekend...
2006-08-04 03:44:29 · answer #1 · answered by Cloe 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you describe scares me for you. You definitely are something without him. LEAVE NOW. He has you so twisted around that all you are seeing is what he wants you to see. He sounds like a miserable person who cannot feel good about himself unless he is making you feel like dirt. You say you had a mental breakdown and he just sat there rolling his eyes? This person does not give a damn about you. He does not love you. You two have zero communication going and no matter how much you love him and no matter how much you try that is not going to change. Love is a two way street and he is not there with you. He enjoys causing you emotional pain. Is he harming you physically? If he is call a cop. Pack your stuff and they will come and take you wherever you need to go. If he is beating you there are battered women's shelters you can go to. Is you family REALLY blind to all this? If not... go to them for help. He may control all of your monetary assets but do not give him control of your life. You deserve better than this.
2006-08-04 03:45:50 · answer #2 · answered by Onegoddess 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is controlling your life because you WANT him to control your life, or he wouldn't be controlling your life...with me so far? Good.
What was your relationship like with good old dad? Was father a control freak?
Somewhere along the line, you handed this guy the steering wheel and let him drive. You know what happens when you hand someone else who likes to control the ability to do same? Hey, they do it!!!!
When you want your life back, you will take steps to get it back. Until then, he controls because you let him.
Or....put another way, when you get sick of being a doormat, you will stop being one. And not a second before.
Time for a revolution? Wanna overthrow the regime? There will be a price to be paid, but maybe now is the time to pay it before you lose ALL of your identity and your hubby takes away computer privilege.
2006-08-04 03:46:41 · answer #3 · answered by brian k 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I dont think you should put up with someone controlling your life! But it also sounds like maybe you have some issues you need to get worked out. Why not see a counsler? There is nothing wrong with this. i only suggest this to you becuase i have been there. When you are emotionally put down you dont have the strength to leave on your own. You need to get yourself to that point. Or even get marriage counsling to have him see the stuff that he is doing to you as well. I feel for you and I know it is very hard for you. But make a stand. Stop letting him do this to you. And if he truley loves you he will go and get help with you.
2006-08-04 03:43:43 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
whoa! end it now and get out and He will and can't live without you... he got it back ward should be this you have no clue how good you (him) have because of me (woman). You shouldn't be in there becasue not good and you have the right to leave and end it. I know you are smart and funny caring, loving, everything and you will find a right guy who really loves you and cares about you.
My wife and I love eachother every day and we never get tired said I love you every day and we have kids and it take two people to make it happen not just one working so hard and other not. Marriage is about take 2 people make it last lifetime.... so I know if you leave he will be crying like a baby no no no no no and if not, if he said you will be back.. just don't go back and believe me he will find you and begging you back.. just tell him go to hell, if he try so hard to make it work better tell him you have already damage this marriage, my life, everything.. your lost, not my. move on.... so that will work and you are strong woman and I can't live with out my wife becasue I love her so much so as she..smiling.
Hope this helps.
2006-08-04 03:51:40 · answer #5 · answered by greenbaypackers1920 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A man does not complete you!! Stop thinking like that. As a mother of a daughter I hate to hear how you think you need him. Do everything now to make yourself self dependent. Take some classes to learn a skill (if you do not have one), also learn how to budget, and gather proof to take to court to show his control issues. Learn to control him. Tell him you are going to take the classes so you can help pay bills, do not be his lap dog, start acting like his partner his equal (because that is who you are) if things do not change then get out.
2006-08-04 03:46:26 · answer #6 · answered by CharKaye 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your problem is tha u also believe what he says. You believe that u cant do anything without him.
Get control back.
Get a job if u dont have one (since u say he controls money, i suppose that means he's the only worker in the house.
If he doesnt like you working, then U have an insecure husband and, u should try to convince him that YOU LL WORKING EITHER HE LIKES IT OR NOT.
and take control of your life.
2006-08-04 03:46:42 · answer #7 · answered by Mr. E 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are answering your own question here...
your last sentence " I am nobody without him"...
this is the oldest lie in the book.
just because he lavishes you with material things doesnt mean
that he is fulfilling all of his marital obligations...
understand that you are a person WITH FEELINGS AND NEEDS!!!
you deserve all of the material things he gives you, but, you also deserve to be loved and appreciated. what is one with out the other? you know the feeling...
are you aware that if you get a divorce he has to support you anyway? especially if he wont let you work.. he has to provide the same amount of living standards for you after the divorce.
seek some legal advise. you'll see you can still have most of all of what he gives you AND PEACE....
love yourself..... find a way to either make him see that he is hurting you or make him understand that you've had enough.
2006-08-04 03:52:37 · answer #8 · answered by Storm 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to have a heart to heart talk with him. Be like, "when we were going to get married, did you think it would be like that? Did you PLAN to control me and my life? Because that's what it feels like. Do you care about me?" I don't really think seeing a marriage counselor about this would help if he's not even willing to give it a shot. If he's not, leave. It's not worth it.
2006-08-04 03:43:18 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to find some self-respect and get out of this destructive relationship. You will not be happy as long as you remain. Leaving will be hard but you can find the strength inside yourself if you are determined. Good luck.
2006-08-04 04:03:53 · answer #10 · answered by lavenderroseford 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋