Is anyone else here glad that they never had children? (read the details, folks)?

Question

I never wanted children, not even when I was a little girl (I played with plastic dinosaurs and microscopes, not baby dolls). I was told repeatedly that I would change my mind.

I never did.

Now, I'm post-menopausal, and very glad I didn't have kids; my heart just wasn't in it, and I'd have made a poor mother (I make a hell of a step-grandmother, though!).

Anyone else share this situation? What was you solution to pressure to have children, if you knew it was wrong for you?

Answer 1

Hey, join the club! My mom said when I was about 3, she gave me a baby doll. I promptly cut it's hair off. She asked why and I said "It'll grow back" (probably something I had been told before about mine?) and when she explained to me that, 'no, it wouldn't', she said I shrugged & dropped the doll, never to touch it again. Kind of made my mind up young, too! From then on, I got presents I asked for: Matchbox cars & Breyer horse statues. I got married at twenty & right away the pressure started form his family: "Maybe you'll get pregnant on your honeymoon!". What?!?. My family accepted I didn't want any kids, but his persisted - one Great Aunt even asked, truly exasperated, "Why did you get married if you didn't want kids?" It wasn't just me - we both talked it over well before marriage, yet I caught all the flack. And women I worked with over the years - ugh! I finally had it out with one well-meaning older lady: I asked "Do you like elephants?" when she had started in on me AGAIN. Surprised, she wondered what that meant. I asked again -"Do you like elephants? Like to go to the zoo or circus & see them do tricks, feed them peanuts?" She hesitatingly said "Yes". I went on: "Would you like to take one home & care for it forever?" "Heavens, NO!" was her quick reply. "Now you know how I feel about babies" - point taken, at least THAT one never bugged me about it again! And something strange I noticed after a while from the ones that pestered me the most (you know their standard lines - like "Who will take care of you're when your old?" which I always answered "That means I'll have no one to force me into a home? Egads!" LOL!) was they would seem a trifle ticked after a while, and say "C'mon, you gotta have kids - and suffer like the rest of us!" A-HA! Always said tongue-in-cheek, but it always came out sooner or later. Methinks they were a bit jealous that I could do what I wanted with my life since I was not 'tied down' with children. After I hit my late thirties, I noticed people at a new job would not ask questions when I said I didn't have kids. Then the other thing started a few months later, when they knew me better: "Oh, could you not HAVE kids?" That really ticked me off, too. My sister said "Why don't you just say 'yes' & they will pity you & never bring it up again?" Well, I don't want pity for something that is a very personal CHOICE I should be allowed to make - without all the controversy it causes for people who it is NONE of their business. Gee, sounds like this topic hit a nerve? But, since you asked, I am sure you can empathize. And no, I don't hate kids (another thing people would say often). I loved playing with my neices & nephews - they all called me "Auntie Long Hair" and knew I would always have some wild, loud, crazy activity for them at any get-together. I am 42 now, and still happy in my choice - especially when I see all the friends & family whose sometimes strangely pierced & tattooed little darlings have now returned home with their babies in tow - in what should be their parent's turn to have a peaceful later life. Ever feel like I missed out on something? No way!
p.s.By the way, I can see you knew you would get grilled by some people for even asking this question - just by the way you phrased the initial question, and your defensive 'I'm a good step-grandma' statement. And yes, there IS the harassment you expected: "You must be lazy", etc. Isn't it sad when a decision as important as bringing another human being into the world is shoved down our throats by such ignorance?

Answer 2

I felt the opposite - kids are the way to go for me - but well done for not bringing another child into the world that can not have all the love possible - at least you made a choice from the heart and head rather than just from the heart like most.
Alot of pressure is on women to have children, where alot of the population now prefer to work rather than have kids.
I want the big family - lots of gran kids running around - but this is not for everyone.

Answer 3

Kids are still in my future, but I'm soooo glad I haven't had them already. Personally, I am not at all prepared to care for and nurture a child.

Everyone else I know on this planet, however, has followed a different path. I get the pressure all the time and I just say I'm not ready to do that. I've got plenty of time.

I think that is a little easier answer to give than I'm not going to do that, but it's a similar situation. I'm just secure in my own path in life and I know what I want to do, so I do it. It doesn't really bother me for other people to think I'm not doing it right.

Answer 4

Honestly, I don't think they have that right. Yes, they're your parents, and they just want to keep you well and safe. Sure, you came from them, but children are individuals too, and I think they are entitled to some privacy. A journal isn't like a text message... it's written solely for you, to make out your thoughts and stuff. Edit: unless the parents have good reason to believe that their child has a serious problem that puts their life at risk.

Answer 5

My mother's alway on me about having children one day. I think it's just a social normalcy(and instinct) that one day, after you reach a certain age, you'll have children. Hardly anyone ever challenges the norm. It's sad though, I don't think it's even in the best intrest for children that EVERYONE should have children. Maybe some people just accept it as fate from a young age; then the world ends up with with unfit, negligent and sometimes abusive, parents.

Answer 6

When I was young was all ways people putting pressure on me to get married and to have children I knew I would not make a good father sure I love Children. When I did get married my wife did not want to have kids either because the problems that kids face today it's hard to raise them with little money and not enough time to spend with them we have to spend our time making money to pay the bills.

Answer 7

I commend you for realizing that you wouldn't make a good parent, and not having a child just because society told you you should.

Strange though...you must like children somewhat if you make a good step-grandmother. This sounds sort of like laziness to me. You like kids well enough to spoil them and play with them, but then send them home and not have the constant responsibility for them. If that's your reasoning for not having kids, I think it's incredibly lazy and selfish...they'd take too much of your time, and you don't want the hassle. I don't like that idea at all.

Answer 8

I never wanted them either. I like children though, but I enjoy being able to be the aunt that spoils them and has fun, then I can give them back :)

Solution was just telling people I'd have them when I was ready. Then I came out, and people stopped bugging me.

Answer 9

I am. I dated a woman for 2 years who told me she wanted kids. I broke it off. Frankly, I think it's very selfish to bring a child into this world, with the way things are going. I am SO glad I don't have kids.

Answer 10

I'm in my late 20's and I've pretty much made up my mind that i won't father any children. I don't have the patience for it and really don't see any benefit to bringing another child into an overpopulated world. Especially one as messed up as we live in today.