My ex is getting my 15 yr old daughter drunk while she's visiting him 3,000 miles away from me. What do I do?

Question

my ex is getting my 15 yr old drunk..what do i do??
my 15 yr old daughter is on vacation w/ her dad in california. its been 6 weeks. so far i know of 3 different occasions where she has gotten VERY drunk and her dad supplied the alcohol. last night i saw a pic of her on her myspace with her dad and some other guys drinking in Mexico. WTF?? ive called him and yelled. at them both actually. they both promise it wont happen again. the first day she was there, she chipped her front tooth on a beer bottle. she'll be home in 4 days, but im worried cause this will be her last wekend there, and i dont know what kind of parting theyll be doing to help see her off. anyone out there in california feel like hunting him down and kicking his a ss for me?? but really, what would YOU do? Im already never sending her out there again. this was the first time. here at home, she's a good girl.

Additional Details

7 minutes ago
you all have great advice. thank you so much! this has really been bothering me. even my other children are upset by it knowing what their sister is doing. Youre so right about taking her to Mexico. We do have a court order saying he cannot take her out of the US, and I know what he has done is illegal. I told him that. I told him I will have the cops there, and have them put my daughter on a plane. And I will take her to the Dr's. I know she has "gotten lost" with an 18 yr old while drunk, kissed a differnt boy while drunk, and who knows what else. This is heartwrenching:( She was still a virgin, I hope she still is. I wanna hurt that man. And WTF means what the *uck!! Thank you again, and please keep your answers coming. I'll put them all together and nail that irresponcible loser.

I'D JUST LIKE TO ADD THAT YES MY STORY IS REAL. IM ALREADY PISSED, WHY DO PEOPLE HAVE TO BE RUDE A**HOLES ON HERE. IM ON HEAR FOR ADVICE NOT TO BE CRITISIZED. I AM A VERY GOOD MOTHER AND IM OBVIOUSLY VERY WORRIED AND BOTHERED. OR I WOULDNT BE ON HERE ASKING STRANGERS FOR ADVICE. I THOUGHT THAT IS WHAT THIS THING WAS FOR. AND I AM OFF MY *SS TRYING TO DO SOMETHING. I HAD 3 HRS SLEEP LAST NIGHT (LAST NIGHT IS WHEN I SAW THE PIC AND CALLED MY EX), IT BOTHERS ME VERY VERY MUCH, SO IF U HAVE SOMETHING CRAPPY TO SAY ABOUT THIS OR "MY" PARENTING SKILLS, KEEP IT TO URSELF, OR IT'LL BE UR *SS I'LL WANT TO HUNT DOWN NEXT.

Answer 1

I would be completely and totally PO'd if I were you. Your ex is stupid to do this. As others said, copy the myspace page so that you have the photos. Also, file contempt of court against him because he took her out of the US without your knowledge. Try to get your child custody agreement changed so that his visitation is more restrictive.

Now for the bad news. Until the child custody agreement is changed, you don't get a choice about sending her to him for visitation. Until the agreement changes, you'd be contempt of court if you don't let him see her during his regular visitation periods, as outlined by your child custody papers.

Want even more bad news? In California, it is legal for parents to give their minor children alcohol! That is so insane, especially when you have a$$holes like your ex getting her drunk.

Hopefully your influence will have a greater effect on her in the long run, rather than his stupidity.

Good luck.

Answer 2

Saving the myspace pictures of your daughter is an excellent idea. The pictures may be removed from myspace later and you won't have them as evidence.

I'm not sure, but if a passport is required now for Mexico, both parent's premission must be given for a minor to be issued a passport... You should check on this matter to determine if he 'forged' your signature on the passport application (forging your signature on a US government document is a BIG NO NO). Pursue your rights and file an action to modify custody. I'll warn you, custody battles are very expensive, but you have to put your daughter first.

Finally, your daughter is growing up. She will be kissing boys. Some day she won't be a virgin. But your job as a mother is to give her the skills to make good decisions. I don't know if you are ready to take her to Planned Parenthood, but let me just say if she is sexually active, unless you want your 15 yo to have to make a decision between having an abortion or having a baby, perhaps contraceptives is the lesser evil.

I feel for you. I've been there too. Be a good PARENT and not a friend to your daughter.

Answer 3

Um.. Hi I dont know a whole lot about this but i'm not a mom yet but my daughter would not be staying there any longer the second I saw her chipped tooth from the beer bottle. She'd be on a one way trip to groundom and if she HAS a boyfriend there would be NO seeing him for months. I mean listen SHE knows she isnt old enough to drink and esspesially not old enough to get drunk! I mean WTH (what the heck) IS THAT ABOUT! Maybe he has her on dope too cause no offence but why would a 15 year old girl getting drunk!? I bet she had one beer cause her dad did it and then she did it again because her dad gave her another one!Well I know i'm not really helping but I would have sent her on a plane trip on a LONG time ago. So I wish you good luck on dealing with that ex of yours. I hope I was some help what so ever if not just let me know.

Answer 4

Wait until she gets home.. talk to her. Find out what exactly happened. Then if you still feel it's serious(I would think drinking underage serious), contact the lawyer that represented you in court. Tell them what is going on, and try to get your visitation changed. You can't withhold his visitation legally unless the court allows you to do so. Make sure you take the proper channels so that the situation doesn't come back to bite you in the butt. It's terrible what he has allowed your daughter to become involved in.. terrible that he has even supplied the situation of his own accord. It is not responsible parenting by any means. Make sure you keep your phone records, and I would go and print the picture from her myspace account and any other relevant information from her myspace account before she deletes or changes it. You will need it later in order to prove what you are saying. Good Luck! BTW take your daughter to a doctor when she gets home and have all the tests run...I'm sure he didn't supply birth control or STD advice before giving her the opportunity to take those risks.

Answer 5

Oh my I am so sorry to hear this, yes I am in south orange county and if i knew him would personally rip him a new one. Seriously though if I was you I would copy the My Space Photo and take it to my attorney and begin court action against him. Yes the drinking age is young in Mexico but it is STILL illegal to serve a 15 year old there. I would go as far to email the cheif of police (I assume they were in T.J.) and give him an ear full of his town. But I would have this documented and for your daughters safety and well being inforce stricter rules if he is ever to see her without a chaperon. It is disgusting that a child's parent will take away their innocense in such a way he has. He has crossed the line and a legal line that a father should never cross. And he should not ever be trusted to make another error in her young life again. I just can not stress to you enough to document this and submit it to the courts. The legal way is the only way!! I wish you all the luck in the world, Take care!

Answer 6

I would DEFINITELY NOT call any officials into this unless you feel that talking this problem through with your ex and your daughter has been tried and has failed.

Your Ex's actions seem unacceptable if your perception of what happened is accurate, but involving any agencies will start a process whch you may regret later.

DO keep copies of the pictures in case you need evidence later. But officially taking away custody really should be a last resort.

I would try to get in the same room with your daughter and your ex and try to hash it out as a family.

Answer 7

Like most people said above, I advocate saving any pics, documenting all phone calls, etc., and notifying the authorities immediately.

And as for the posters who responded heartlessly, you must be made of money if you can take time from your job and fly down to Mexico at the drop of a hat. If you don't have the money, you just don't have it. That doesn't mean that she's not doing everything she can. You idiots. I hope you never have children. I pray for any future progeny that must spring from your loins.

Answer 8

I would call the cops on him and have her come home now. I wouldn't get to mad at her. But her dad sounds like a irresponsible jerk. I would never send her out there again and if he has a problem with that take him to court. I also would talk to your daugther that drinking at a young age is wrong and can also destory your life, then after u tell her that show her an example of sum that is a idiot........umm... like a picture of her dad ....jk....

Answer 9

When your daughter returns home sit and have a calm talk with her, (yelling will only push her away) let her know how and why you feel the way you do, she will be more receptive to you and disclose more information about her trip. Let the X know you will not be sending her back under any circumstances. Handle this situation with care as you don't want your daughter to rebel against you. Good-luck.

Answer 10

Chill out there is nothing wrong with drinking. You should be happy she is doing it with her dad instead of a group of horny school kids.... Thats how the train got started.

Just have a talk with your 15yr old when she gets back about waiting untill she is older to start drinking. I really doubt it will work since she has already started. But better late then never.

As for the dad if they are in mexico you wouldn't have known about it if he didnt want you to. She probley asked him to get it for her and he was trying to make her happy. Sounds like he has to fight to get time with her.

But keep in mind I dont know you people. You could be physo he could be a freek just make sure you kid is safe.