Divorcees, could you tell?

Question

I'm interested to hear from divorcees. If you feel your marriage was a mistake, was there any indication before or during your wedding day?

Answer 1

Yes, there were plenty of red flags, but I was young, naive and though that with time things would improve...WRONG! I went ahead and marry him even though my gut instinct was telling me not to.

This were the red flags:

_He told me that he was an a$$hole and that he wasnt good at relationships. I didn't take that as a warning, but took at as a challenge. BAD idea.

-He cheated on me and throw me out of the apartment that we shared. I took him back after he came back a couple of week later and accepted his marriage proposal, yes, after cheating on me. Bad choice.

-He told me that he has omitted a "little" detail, he told me the day before we got married that he was actually divorced and has a 2 year old baby.

Why I didn't run away???? He was a loser and things didn't improve and never got better. I wasted all of my 20's waiting for him to change and see the light. It never happened. I divorced him 8 years later.

Good luck

Answer 2

Hi Fluorescent
Am about to get divorced so hope this counts. This was my 2nd marriage . I met my soon to be X husband shortly after 1st marriage was over, started living together and got married 7 years after that (12 years ago).However I think I was still was in love with my X (and think I still am). Analysing things now makes me think we should never have got into a relationship, we probably would have been really good friends. But I did love him dearly and married him because I thought he wanted a commitment from me . I had a Panic attack the night before the wedding, never had 1 before or since - I think maybe deep down I knew I shouldn't go through with It ( although I admit to the benefit of hindsight). Still hubby no. 2 got revenge I guess ,he's been having an affair for the last 5 years!!

Answer 3

If you have any indication before or during your wedding you should stop. The pain of stopping it then will be a lot less than years later. Sure people will be upset but years later lives will be messed up for years. You will have concerns just before you get married and that is normal.

My first marriage was a mistake. Everything was fine I thought but over a few years it started going down hill. We lived next to her parents and other family members. Her family was from her childhood my family was our marriage. That's when I knew things were not going good. Then she found another. End of that story she divorced me.

Don't worry I found someone later that has made life beautiful for 22 years next week. Looking forward to the rest of time with her.

Answer 4

Well as much as I hate to admit it, my ex used to lie quite a bit over things both big and small, he was becoming a little less affectionate with me, and I noticed that in many instances he put himself before me or rather our relationship. My mistake was that I really believed that since he was committed to marrying me and apparently loved me so much that once we did exchange vows that he would change. Unfortunately, he changed for the worse...he began lying more or more to me and even began cheating on me...once caught he'd still lie about the details of what really happened..if you can't see by his lies and infidelity his selfishness also continued and so did his lack of affection towards me. He had an anger problem prior to our marriage but nothing that I saw as too bad...and once again afterwards he became both verbally and physically abusive. There were indications left and right but because I loved him and wanted the lil fairy tale ending marriage, I ignorned them or believed that they would somehow change. The thing is if someone doesn't want to change for themselves they will never produce change for you...so if someone sees issues prior to getting married and thinks that they will magically disappear once the wedding bells start ringing, they are in for a rude awakening. You either have to address those problems before marriage in order to try and resolve them or get out of the relationship before its too late and your own happiness and wellbeing are forfeited just to spend a life with someone who will make your life unhappy.

Answer 5

Yes there were signs. I did not know what they were at the time.
He was disrespectful to and about his mother- once we were married he was disrespectful to and about me.
He argued constantly on everything- got worse once we were married.
Made a definite gender statements ie: It is the man's job to be the bread winner and the woman's job to please her man sexually. I made more money than him so all the bills that could be were drafted out of my paycheck so he could show more earnings on a stub. ( stupid )
Little things that I overlooked could have been a very good indicator if I had bothered to listen to my gut.
I am not talking about if he leaves the toilet seat up or squeezes the toothpaste tube in te middle. I am talking about how he dealt with people in general. His mother in particular.

Answer 6

At the time, i didnt notice anything but with hindsight i can see some signs.

Pretty much I am similar to wayniac - 15 yrs, then he decides he want out, leaves me and his daughter and starts to lead a single life with no responsibilities and no ties.

Which would be fine if he was 18 with no children - but hes 40 and has a daughter........................... mid life crisis man - bit sad really.

His loss I suppose.

Answer 7

Nope. When we got married we were completely in love. The marriage didn't go bad until 13 years later.

Answer 8

I would never say my marriage was a mistake...it just ended with one...There were indications that my partner was a flirt...after many good years she took that to far.

Answer 9

Everything was fine for 19 years of marriage and 6 years of dating prior. Then she says she doesn't love me, she hates me, and wants me out of her life. Go figure.

Answer 10

We were together 5 years, 2 dating, 3 married. From the day we got married he told lie, after lie, after lie. When we split up he told me it was all my fault and he only married me to prove something to his mother as she told us we would never get married.