For years we've had to hear the horror stories and he's even blamed me for the war. He got drunk this week and was arrested for dui and numerous other charges. We're not rich and this will devastate us. His job bailed him out and everyone now feels sorry for him. After 12 years of this I finally made him leave yesterday. One of his co- worker friends that helped him get out of jail called to tell me how sorry he is and he's going to get help. He mentioned him being in the army and I told him the truth. He was in the army but I can't find a trace of evidence to show he left the country. I even found to DD14's that says he was not overseas. His mother even doubted it. I also told him of all the rehabs and help he's already had over the years that they didn't know about. Now I'm worried about telling. My question is was I wrong to tell?
2006-08-04 01:30:09 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sounds like you finally broke. You weren't wrong to tell, you've gone through a lot of pain and suffering. My husband is addicted to vicodin, so I know in some ways how you feel. It gets to the point to where you just cant keep it quiet anymore and you just explode! I dont think what you did was wrong at all. I think you've endured more pain than you should have all those years. I bet it just made you sick, disgusted, trapped to have to hear all those lies. Good luck to you dear, I wish you the happiness you deserve. Life is too short and precious to waste it going through what you have been going through.
2006-08-04 01:44:04 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, since the friend now knows that your spouse is an alcoholic, what the hey, go for the gusto. Should you have said anything. Hmmmmm, that's a good ethical question. Since the friends at the office helped bail him out, I think they have a right to know. Yes, this is very personal stuff, but, if a business associate is also a friend, and acts as a friend, I think that they have a right to know about their ' investment '. Obviously, this could happen again, and if it does, the office is going to wonder why.
Alcoholism creates a need ( or is the alcoholism a result of the need ? ) to feel worth while. This could be one of the lies ( and I mean only one. There are probably others ) that your husband tells ( he has probably told it so many times for so long that he probably believes it himself now ) so that he fees that there is some purpose to his life. He might have created this lie to help explain the reason for his alcoholism. The biggest problem with this lie is that if your husband has been receiving benefits because he was a Viet Nam vet, they would have to be returned when the lie is revealed.
Good luck. You both have a long hard road to travel.
2006-08-04 01:41:09 · answer #2 · answered by yodeladyhoo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It just sounds like you've finally reached the end of your rope, living with this alcoholic husband. It's understandable that you felt the need to tell this friend "the truth", rather than play the bad guy, the one who kicked him out. Is there any way, though, that you can really verify that he wasn't in Vietnam before you tell more people, and maybe one day find out you were wrong?
2006-08-04 01:35:50 · answer #3 · answered by Mary C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No your not wrong to tell. He needs to be hit with reality. My husband is not an alcoholic and lies about everything. Lied to me about being a Marine. They are pathalogical liars living in a dream world. My soon to be x seems to think he is going to be a cop but he went to jail. He even drives around in a used cop car. These are desperate crys for help that people ignore.
He needs to face reality and if you love him then let him go and let people know the truth.
2006-08-04 01:37:05 · answer #4 · answered by SunshineSparkles1976 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should have kept that between the two of you. I fhe is so inscure that he has to tell lies about being in combatthen there are other problems that he needs to deal with. He obviously needs counseling, has a very low self esteem, and if he continues to drink too much he will eventually spiral downward. That is a fact.
2006-08-04 01:35:41 · answer #5 · answered by Cattlemanbob 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yours and your husband's problems should be kept between the two of you -- it only complicates matters to tell everything you know about things that should be kept private. It does sound like your husband needs help -- maybe some counseling would help you deal with this mess also. Good luck.
2006-08-04 01:35:52 · answer #6 · answered by gjs1955 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it sounds vindictive. If the friend had asked or talked about his service in Vietnam, then it would have been ok to discuss it. But merely mentioning the fact that he was in the army did not give you the right to volunteer more info.
2006-08-04 01:38:14 · answer #7 · answered by Tahavath 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, and good for you for kicking him out! You deserve better. He needs help and therapy! You do what is best for you! If he lies about something like going over seas and being a war hero you have to think: What else has he lied about?! You go! Keep your head up and move forward!!
2006-08-04 01:39:16 · answer #8 · answered by aprillillie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you weren't, he has to be responsible for his lies. Don't wreck your own life because he has destroyed his, and good on you for making the decision to have him out of your life, it's the best thing you could have done, although you might not think so now. He wont change, they never do. Now is the time to start enjoying your new life.
2006-08-04 01:44:35 · answer #9 · answered by V P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Under the circumstances, you were extremely upset and concerned about him. You barely remember what you said. (this is what you tell him ---if that is what you are worried about)
Either way.....this (did he go to war or not, and the stories he is telling) is one of the things he is probably going to have to deal with if he ever wants to recover from alcoholism.
don't take on his problems.
2006-08-04 01:37:25 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋