how can my fiance ever respect me again?

Question

i have a terrible illness called guillain barre syndrome, i am learning to walk again after being paraylised 4 months ago, i cry alot cos i can hardly walk and perform simple tasks, i fall alot and often have to crawl on belly to the bathroom. often i cant even pull up my own shorts. i feel like such a wreck and she is dealing with it but has become slightly distant.

she has tottally stood by me, supported me physically, mentaly and finacially, i told her if she wanted to leave me i would make t easy even though i would be devastated, she told me to never say that again and she was sticking by me,

i can honestly say i have tried to support her in everyway, i am helping pay for her to go on holiday for 9 days and not complaining about being left alone, i love her unconditionally

Answer 1

Please, first stop thinking like this. My aunt is one month RECOVERED from Guillien Barre. She languished for 13 months. If you are able to crawl and use a computer after only four months then you are recovering at a trendous speed! My beloved aunt was paralyzed for over 10 months and in a nursing facility for 13 months. 3 months ago she could barely cut her own food. Today, she is driving, walking and getting her life back!
I must insist that you stop the pity parade. You have a dibilitating disease, not a terminal one. You must NOT NOT NOT force your body to do more than it can for the sake of vanity or to prove to your fiance that you are OK, as this WILL create a set back!! Recover at the pace you body will allow, ACCEPT help, and ALLOW your fincee to cope with your recovery in her way. There were many times that I would speak with my aunt and just weep, thinking it was easier to not hear how my once energetic, independent aunt was reduced to less than an infant by such a horrid disease, BUT....BUT....I dealt with it because I love her and now she is 98% recovered!!! She laughs, she drives, she is looking for a new job, a new apartment and anxious to rejoin her life that was kept on hold for over a year.
This is you FIANCEE....not a fair weather friend. This is a woman who has obviously made a commitment to you, she has been with you through the first four months, she is adjusting. Please don't wallow in self pity and invent more pain for yourself. Guillien Barre is debilitating enough, you don't need the added stress of worrying about your future WIFE being slightly distant.
Guillien Barre is NOT an instant recover. You have a long road ahead, but it is a POSITIVE road. You WILL recover. Don't rush it.

Answer 2

You are one lucky man. Your partner is truly wonderful. I have seen how debilatating this condition can be first hand and I want tooffer you my total sympathy. The person I knew who had the disease bounced back and even returned to playing proffessional football again. You'll be OK in time.

Your partner may have become distant because she is probably very emotional. She has had to watch you suffer, she's probably tired from all the extra work she is doing. She might just be finding things a little too hard to cope with. I'm not criticising you at all here because I can't even imagine how you feel, bu try andthink how hard it's ben for her too. The fact you are totally grateful for what she has done for you shows you have been thinking alotabout what she has done for you.

You getting yourself better and living a normal life again will give her more than anything. She must respect you otherwise she wouldn't be there with you. You have to think positive. It's not about respect mate, it's about love.

Answer 3

After reading all your messages my heart goes out to you, not because of your injuries, but because you cannot accept what your fiance is telling you. You are still the person she fell in love with and she still loves you. She has proved that by standing by you throughout this difficult time. There will be times when she will feel distant - she has her own emotions to deal with as well and she will not want to put extra pressure on you. Be careful if you keep on testing her again and again and again eventually she may feel that enough is enough. Accept what she tells and shows you and spend your energy on the things you need to - like improving your health. Good luck with the future

Answer 4

I'm sorry to hear that you have been ill and its great that you are on the up.
Your fiance sounds like she is doing a great thing, sticking by you. Try talking to her and saying you understand that it must be hard. Although I'm sure she loves you she may feel quite trapped. She wont want to leave you as she wants to marry you but she also cant leave you because you are ill and she feels obliged.
Maybe get her some help?

Answer 5

It's alot of work caring for a sick person. It takes alot of 'getting used too'. Its like having your first child, they are a tonne of work, but the love that you get in return makes it all worth it.
I think you need to put your self-pitty tears away, and move on. God doesn't give us anything that we can't handle, so I know its hard, but you have to suck it up, and carry on, keep giving your all to it, and if your girlfriend sees that you aren't all doom and gloom, crying your face off all stinking day, maybe she will be a happier person when she's around you. So wake up thinking ' maybe today' I can do it! And give it your all, NO TEARS, and be happy that you accomplished the tear monster at the end of the day. Keep it all positive!!! And then you girlfriend won't have to deal with your gloomy face, with your injury! Keep your spirits high!!! And see where it takes you!!

Answer 6

Your fiancee is probably slightly distant because she has difficulty in the fact that she cannot do as much for you as she would like to. This will give her feelings of guilt, just remind her that she and a lot of other people feel this way and it in no way undermines the love you feel for each other. Things can only get better.

Answer 7

If she loves you she will understand. 3 1/2 years ago my good friend got in a car wreck as well and she has the same thing. But you need to be face forward with her. my friend has gottin married and had a child sence her accident so good things will come to you if you waite. have love for yourself first though.

Answer 8

I'm sorry that you have to go through this but maybe GOD has something planned for you. My only advise is to talk to your girlfriend and ask her if she still wants to marry you. If she wants to work it out, maybe you guys can ask your doctor if he/she can recommend a group whose family member is experiencing the same thing. maybe this could help both of you to cope with this illness. If she wants out, then maybe she was never meant to be yours in the first place. I know you will get through this. Just have faith in him. God Bless

Answer 9

She respects you, just don't let your mind play these tricks on you. You're both going to feel better after her holiday, and I know it's tough but she IS there for you, just believe it.

All the best with this, and don't push her away you've got a diamond there.

Answer 10

I don't think respect is your issue, I think she's overwhelmed. Is she getting support? Some people are just too weak to deal with an ill loved one.