what do u think?

Question

Furious
By: Manda Frazier
One mans anger becomes your rage. That rage then turns to a furry that gets taken out on your wife and children. You beat them heartlessly without hesitating to see the fear and anger rising in their eyes, then you stop throwing punches, and you calm down. You turn and stare at their limp bodies, and with one last breath, and one last tear, they each say “I love you.” You run away from the room, unable to believe what you’ve just done. After standing there for a moment, you walk over to the liquor cabinet and pour yourself a drink. Suddenly you realize the full extent of your actions and flee the room, running past the battered bodies of the three people you just killed with your own bare hands. Running out the door, furious with yourself, sobbing uncontrollably with a bottle in your hands. You run, and run down the street, past the Police station terrified someone might find out it was you. You run under the little bridge that your kids liked to play on, and you find a knife that somebody dropped, and you look at it. Then you glance at your wrist. “I could end it all right now,” you say to yourself, “then nobody would ever find out that it was me.” You decide that you weren’t going to do that, that you would wait three days; one day for each person that you killed. One day passes, and the knife is still sitting there beside you in the same place, as it was the night before. You start to feel as if your world is crashing down onto your head, and you find the pain and guilt nearly unbearable. The second day passes, and it seems as though the knife is calling to you to run it across your wrist and make all the pains go away. Finally the third day comes, and you wake up with an intense fear rising throughout your body, and you look at the knife, and like you practiced this a dozen times before, you do it. You then walk as far as you can, blood dripping from your hand and wrist, and then you become so weak that you can no longer move, and you sit down. With your last bit of energy, you say good – bye t o your family and you apologize to your dead wife and children, and you say good – bye one more time, and then all goes dark. And to the rest of the world you are no more.

Answer 1

Wow, I like it. Good job on this. Just for the record am not suicidal or an angry person and I hope your not also.

Answer 2

Pippia, you have a great future ahead of you...WOW! that was well, breathtakingly awful, gruesome, sad, macabre, loving tender, grossly violent, beautifully written! I looked at you home page and find it really hard to believe how old you are... Keep writing sister! And you know, even when you're published people will still say "It was a great book, but it is too long" Like you should shorten The Shawshank Redemption, or A Tale of two Cities; perhaps JK Rowling should snip a bit here and there because the average person's attention span is 10 seconds! This was Fantastic!!!! I'm really proud of you~

Answer 3

I think that's very well written if you discount the few grammatical mistakes. It's an interesting story and I hope it's just that - a story but it didn't make me cry. I think that would be the authors fault; the emotion is so crammed in there it doesn't give the reader a chance to think. What that man did... Terrible. I think, however, that he shouldn't have committed suicide. He's a coward; unwilling to face what he did. Doesn't he think his family deserves justice? In my way of thinking he could have punished himself unbearably by living and maybe becoming a speaker against anger. Telling others about what he did and why so that maybe someone else with a lot of anger out there won't make the same mistake. But all he could think about was making sure nobody found out he did it; making sure he wouldn't have to face it; making sure he wouldn't have to pay the price. I think that suicide is the worst way out; no matter the crime.

Answer 4

I think it's pretty good! I would like to see a longer story leading up to what happened with the man that he reached the point where he came home and beat his family.

You could start with his childhood or you could start with the incident that set him off.

You have a future in writing!

Answer 5

If this is your story , I'll say it is good but too darn sad ,the ending needs some work. But on the whole it is good .

Answer 6

Thats a sad story. Makes you think. (BTW, in the sentence "good-bye to your family" you spelled "to" with a space.

Answer 7

Habla paragraph breaks?

What's the question, Einstein?

Answer 8

You should become a writer. Although it was long to read, it didn't bother me at all. It is a great piece!!!

Answer 9

very tragic.
Did this really happen? If it did, what was the neccessity?
Why do we do things we repent afterwards for....

Answer 10

It's OK. You should use paragraphs though. Why so bleak?