Falling in love with a married man.?

Question

Never in a million years would I have a relationship with a married man.But guess what? We were making plans to move in together and talking about marrage. One day I get a call from a woman saying that she was my boyfriends wife?What do you think about a man that has an affair and fall in love with the mistress , leave's his wife and marries the mistress.

He had told me when we met that he was just ending a long term realtionship with a live in girlfriend that he was having trouble getting rid of that they had lived together and that she just wouldn't move out.And he owned the house.The day i got the call we were on a cruise ship. She says to me. Hi my name is Vanessa I'm Gus's wife..Please don't hang up on me . I'm not a bad person. Did you know that he was married....When i handed him the phone I hear him say to her ." We talked about getting a divorce.You knew that".So I really believe him when he said the marrage had ended before he met me and his reason for not telling me was he was affraid that he would loose me.That was why he didn't tell me....I remeber one argument we had he had the nerve to say to me when I mentioned he lied about being married . He said...I didn't lie...I never told you that I wasn't married.

He did marry me..But we are getting a divorce now.If you read my other questions that i posted today they get into other interesting details.

Answer 1

What I think about it?

I think that what he does to his wife, he will do to you when another women comes along that he finds to be "in love with" and attractive.

If you go for it. Don't come on here crying about it.

P.S. Just think of you finding out this information when you two were serious. Guess the other things he could be hiding too...........This is a serious grounds for calling it off. He was cheating on you with his wife as he was cheating on his wife with you.

If he loved you so much, he would of got divorced long time ago. A guy who has an affair and stays married is a very very very bad sign and you will only be stupid and extremly ignorant to marry someone who will go against his marriage thinking he won't do that to you.

Answer 2

I understand that sometimes we cannot control our feelings for other people....however (and I will not sugar coat this)...If you stay with him after you found out he is married, you will reap what you sow. Marriage is a covenant (promise) made under God. It is two people vowing to God that they will be together no matter what. It's all good when you were in the dark and didn't know, but now that you have been enlightened on his CURRENT situation, if you still see this man, you will reap what you sow. He married that woman for a reason, and he stayed with her for a reason, even after he met you. Be very careful what you do from this point on....because how his wife is feeling, you may be feeling this time next year.

Answer 3

Don't know. What I do know is that it's a HUGE waste of time. More times as not these guys are looking for some strange to feel more alive or to feel as though they "still got it". They are neither interested in nor are they planning to leave their wives. No matter what they have told you or how sincere they sounded when the said it, its not going to happen. Conversely, some women enjoy the noncommitted nature of seeing a married man. They get the once or twice weekly booty call to satisfy their needs and they can be who they are without the intrusion of a man telling them what they can and can not do. Final word: most people cannot handle casual sex. One will always get more attached than the other and, eventually, feelings will get hurt and hurt bad. More times as not, its the family of the cheating man who gets caught in the crossfire.

Answer 4

I feel that you are living in a dream world, if you think he will actually leave his wife, and marry you. Most Cheaters even if they leave their current spouse for the other woman, are not happy in that relationship either, and either crawl back to their x-spouse and beg for forgivness, or cheat on the other woman too.
You need to leave the loser, and move on. There are plenty of worthy un-married men out there, they just aren't as easy to catch, as a married man with no morals or values.
Move on darling, cry your tears, and find a man that actually deserves a wonderful person like you!
Best of luck

Answer 5

I know this is a sticky situation because he might genuinely love you. It is hard to say no to love. But he has been very dishonest with you. Can you trust him again? I don't think so. You do not want to be married or in a serious relationship with a man who has lied to you about something so huge because he could lie to you about other big things as well as many small things.

Answer 6

What man???A real man doesn't cheat on his wife and hurt her like that.And IF a "man" cheats on his wife,finds someone else,and wants to leave his wife for her,then it's just a matter of time before your the new wife and there's another mistress.You are a homewrecker BUT it's NOT too late for you,just yet.Break it off with him.OK....so you didn't know,at one time,he had a wife(until you got a call),now you DO.Call his wife,explain,and apologize.You weren't doing anything wrong (because you didn't know)UNTIL now.Tell her you didn't know and that now that you do,you ended it.Do it before charma comes back around and bites you in the butt!!!

Answer 7

I think the "misstress" is living in fantasy land. Since he hasn't married you yet what makes you think it's actually in his plans...you were just the catalyst to get a divorce. Once's he's free of her he will get free of you as well only a lot easier than his wife. Frankly I think the misstress is stupid if she gets a place with the guy because if his name is on anything they get jointly she will be forced to either leave or pay him for his half of whatever they get...In otherwords if they get a house together she will either have to leave or pay him for half of the house (depending on where you live that can be mighty pricy) If you rent a place All he will have to do is pack up and move and stick you with paying ALL of the rent. He saw you coming a mile away...That's what I think...LOL

Answer 8

you know its not right that he didnt tell you that he was married and there isnt any excuse for a man to cheat on his wife, i have a married friend and her and her husband live in the same house, sleep in seperate rooms, live seperate lives they have one child together and they stay together cause of the finacial situation they are in, they both have someone else in their lives, and have been married 15 yrs, i think it is sad to live your life like that but they cant afford to get a divorce and they are kinda stuck together till the kid moves out, so everyone suffers in that house and that is sad, if your boyfriend is leaving his wife there has to be a reason and maybe its not you maybe its other things in his marriage you really need to talk to him and found out what is going on, just because he is leaving his wife doesnt mean he will do it to you,there are two sides to a story and women are just as bad as men good luck and follow your heart

Answer 9

First of all, you have NO relationship with him, he's married, and moving in with a married man is the dumbest move you or anyone else could make. If he leaves someone for you, he'll leave you.

Answer 10

Hey why don't you find out if she is his wife or not. What if its a former girlfriend or an x-wife. Check it out first. Chances are its his wife but I have had buddies x-wife's and girlfriends do this crap just to make guys life miserable.

Check it out. If true. Kick him out.